Sunday, January 23, 2011
Anti-Social Husbands
My husband is loving and kind and he treats me with respect and care. He loves our kids and is quick to come home from work to spend time with his family. He gives up alot so that our kids can have the things they need and works two jobs to support us. My husband is also Anti-Social. He doesn't accept invitations for football parties or birthday parties. He doesn't come to church functions or Bible studies (usually). He doesn't like leaving the house unless he has to. This drives me bananas. I am a social butterfly and a people person. I treasure my alone time but I love to be with people. Recently, I have had an urge to start having people over for dinner. Now, if you have been keeping up with my blog, you know that my house is a wreck. This was a hurdle for me, you don't have people over to a messy house. So, I worked on it and I cleaned my house and I got ready to invite a family over. Then, I remembered my Anti-Social husband. He doesn't really like socializing or talking so what was I going to do? I confronted him about his Anti-Social behavior and told him that I wanted to have people over but he was an obstacle in my path to being the "hostess queen". He said, "I don't care if you have people over here, I just don't want to go anywhere." HA! Was he going to regret he said that! I invited a family over here, a nice family from church with kids our kids ages. I had met them a few times and they were super nice. Well, the husband didn't talk much but the wife and I got along great. We are eating and watching the football game. We are having nice easy conversation and Anti-Social husbands come up. The woman says her husband doesn't really like going out. The man pipes up and says, "I don't mind people coming over to my house but I am just not comfortable going out much". Hmmmm, sound familiar people?? Then the woman says that she has met several men like that and I start thinking of the men that I know and they are usually like that too. So people, is it true? Are all men Anti-Social? Do your husbands like socializing? Do they like to go to people's houses for dinner or church functions? Have they made any new "best" friends since you've known them?
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Ryan is VERY Anti-Social. Our Care-Group has only heard him talk probably three times in three years. He is getting better... but he gets really anxious (so he drinks a beer). He will go anywhere that is related to sports, cause, you don't talk while you are watching a game, or playing one. He has made some new friends since I've known him... his Softball team. lol.
ReplyDeleteClay is the same way. He said a man likes to be in his own castle, not someone else's. But he will go to a once-a-month group meeting at church and usually makes to to somewhere around half of our family birthday parties (and knowing how big my family is, that is still a lot of parties.) He will go, but he doesn't have to like it. :)
ReplyDeleteMy hubby is SUPER social, just like me, and it makes for a rather hectic lifestyle. We frequently find that one or the other of us has booked us for SOMETHING most nights of the week. Sometimes I wish he were shy-er. :)
ReplyDeleteMy friend Mary's husband is just like Eric, though (and is in fact also named Eric!). We joke about how different that makes our lives, even though she and I are very similar people. Two great husbands, just very different day-to-days.
You know, more times than not either you are social or you are not social. Period. Granted there are certain circumstances that buck the trend. But basically an extrovert is an extrovert, and an introvert is an introvert. Typically seems like it's the extrovert that gets the raise, gets the woman/man, and gets the nice house in a nice neighborhood. The introvert writes well because he/she has problems speaking but in the end winds up either cutting his ear off (Van Gogh) or blowing his brains out (Hemingway). Hemingway might be a bad example. Towards his end he appeared to be chronically depressed and had multiple electroshock treatments (1962). Hemingway never seems to have any main character in any of his famous novels that wins. So even though Earnest appeared to be outward going, and manly, and caught some of the biggest fish EVER...he was not a happy camper.
ReplyDeleteEver seen the movie The Gods Must Be Crazy? They have an interesting method of communicating. And they appear to be a happy people because they don't seem to have alot of debt or societal issues other than an empty Coke bottle. What's the point of that? The more you have the more you want. The more you want the less you wind up with. And really what's the point? Keep your life simple. As simple as you can. Because when you become tormented about how all you seem to have is bills then start looking for a .357 Magnum.
I have been married or 15 years and my husband has always refused to go to social events, especially those dubbed 'parties'. Last December I was at a real low point and told him I don't know if I could take it any more. He basically said that the times he has gone (maybe 1 or 2 times some years) he felt worse for the wear. And he did that for me but he can't anymore. (he does go out with me and kids to restaurants etc) I think he is very uncomfortable at these things. I think it is some kind of disorder. Someone pointed me in the direction of him potentially being an 'empath' - basically someone who can pick up the vibes/feelings of others - so in a room full of people they feel overwhelmed and they can actually get physically sick from this encounter. Other than this life is pretty good with him. Sometimes I am ok with him not going to events and other times it is really really hard - feels very lonely. Very challenging to live with. I think if it weren't for our 2 kids and on good days realizing all the other good things about him, I might have left a long time ago.
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