My friend and I were talking yesterday about how hectic our lives have become. She was telling me that she just up and left and took some time for herself one day and it made her feel so much better. I think she almost felt guilty that she left her kids to be by herself. Why do we moms feel guilty about taking a moment for ourselves? Why do we feel we have to be beaten down and trodden to be the supermom everyone expects us to be?
Let's take a moment and talk about "time for ourselves" and I don't mean a bathroom break where little fingers are trying to wave under the door. I also don't mean the Bible study we joined or date night with our spouses or the moment we get to read during our kids sports practices. I'm talking about taking a time, a specific time, to just do what we want to do. Is it wrong to take "adult mom time" or should we always be with our families? Back when I just had 2 little kids, I used to take a book and go to the mall food court and buy myself a piece of spinach pizza (yummy) and read. I didn't have any friends at the time to call and hang out with, but I needed that time to refresh myself. I had no car, no friends, no family nearby, and 2 small children to care for all day. I needed time to just be me for a few minutes. Now I have 6 kids and a much busier life (and a car) (and friends) but I still take time to just be me. I might go out to lunch with a friend or take a book to the food court, but it is my time to be "unreachable" by my kids. It refreshes me and I come home happy and ready to be mom again. It also makes me a better wife to my husband. It is not wrong to take a break from your family and be the "you" before you had kids. As long as you aren't doing it more than you are being a mom : ) Some examples of "you" time might be: horseback riding lessons, sewing classes, join a choir, teach a class at a community college, take an exercise class, or read and eat pizza at the mall food court : )
Now let's tackle the supermom complex that we moms sometimes get. We feel that we must get every chore done, every child's hair brushed, all the laundry folded and put away, a beautiful dinner on the table, and be smiling when our spouses get home. Sometimes we compare ourselves to the woman who has more kids, more money, a more nurturing spouse, a cleaner home, or fill in your own blank. That is baloney (deliberately spelled wrong). I KNOW I KNOW about the Proverbs 31 woman, so hear me out for just a sec! I used to compare myself with a woman from church whose life appeared perfect to me. Her husband did Bible study with the kids and she was always happy. I always felt that I could never live up to that woman; I put her on a pedestal. Then I found out more about that woman. Don't get me wrong, she is a fabulous example of a woman of God, but her life isn't perfect, her kids aren't perfect and neither is her husband. I realized that my husband liked me for me, he liked our messy house, and our non-perfect kids. He liked my boxed dinners and my half folded baskets of laundry. He liked them because I am there. I am his wife and the mother of his kids, not the lady from church. Just as I wouldn't want any other man to be my husband, he didn't want another woman to be his wife. Find out what makes your husband happy and do it, then you will be supermom of your husband's dreams.
What things do you like to do in your free woman time?
Lashelle, I think you are onto something! Sometimes(although very rarely)I take myself on a retreat! Even Jesus needed times with just he and God, with no one around. Do we in our vanity and pride think we are more capable than our Lord. God forbid. I know as mom's we don't see it that way, as a matter of pride, but we see it as the self-sacrificing thing to do. The guilt thing is hard to overcome, feeling like you can't justify time alone. However, I think some alone time is key in keeping ourselves in the right state of mind and health, to be better for our families while we are with them. Any other thoughts?
ReplyDeleteDawn, good point about Jesus taking a break, I hadn't thought of that! I think every person needs times of refreshing, it helps to refocus and energize us. Thank you for the comment!
ReplyDelete