Disappointment

I had this whole thing written out in my head and I went to write it and saw the title to the last blog, "I feel great!"  Oh the irony...
  Have you ever been disappointed?  Do you remember how it felt?  Your numbers didn't win the $180 million lottery, dang it!  You might feel upset but you kind of knew that was going to happen.  Or you study really hard for a test only to get a D.  You are going to be disappointed in yourself maybe or the teacher, but it's more of a sadness (at least to me) than anything else.  Maybe you get to Panera for your once a year Turkey Artichoke Panini only to find out they are out of panini bread.  Disbelief may override disappointment, at least it did in my case.  I just stood there looking at the lady waiting for her to say, " Just kidding, of course we have panini bread!".  She didn't.  I had to order something else.  I was disappointed but I got over it pretty quickly and learned to get to Panera before 8:55pm.  Of you forget to turn the dryer on and it just goes on for it's 60 minutes and then buzzes and you run in to get the jeans you threw in there so you could wear them to the mall only to find them still sitting in a wet lump.  Disapointment and maybe anger, you might throw something or slam the dryer door shut and hit the on button so hard you hurt your palm.  Maybe you dropped one of your favorite dishes, the ones that are discontinued and can only be found in thrift stores.  You get the point, disappointment hurts and usually is combined with some other emotion like anger or disbelief.  But...
  Nothing compares to the anguish you feel when one of your children disappoints you.  I'm not talking about when your 3 year old pees his pants.  I'm talking about when one of your older "responsible" children loses his/her mind and does something that just leaves you speechless.  Your heart feels like it's being ripped out of your chest and stomped on with cleats.  No words come out of your mouth, you just look at that child and wonder what happened to that cute little baby.  We blame ourselves at first, what horrible parenting we have done to bring our children to this point.  What have I been doing or not doing to put my kid in this predicament?  And then reality sets in.  We have done a good job.  We have taught them right and wrong and how to organize and be responsible.  We've taught them to tell the truth and to trust us.  But they have to make their own decisions and sometimes those decisions are horrible.  Sometimes they let peer pressure have more of an influence than the gospel.  Sometimes they think we're just dummies and want to show us how smart they are.  I know that's what I thought when I disobeyed my parents.  They don't know what I am feeling, they don't understand so I will just do what I think is best.  Ouch.  How stupid was I?  Apparently as stupid as kids today who are thinking the same things.
   When my kids disappoint me, and the older they get, the more frequent it is happening, I have to remember to not say much.  Matthew 12:34 says, "for out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks".  If my stomped up disappointed heart is full of disappointment, that is going to flow out of my mouth.  I usually bring the child's issue up and then send them away so I can pray and think and discuss with my spouse.  I tend to act quickly and have lots of regrets.  I'm trying to change that, trying to think first and then speak and apologize less. 
  I have to say, I am tired of being disappointed but I know that it is only just beginning.  When parents of older children say, "Ohh, I wish my kids were still little" I know why.  The teen years are so hard.  I love my teens and tweens and kiddos and toddlers and I know I will make it through.  I just have to treasure each happy moment and try to have as many of those as possible. 
  When have you been disappointed?  How did you feel?  How did you deal with it?