How many of you have made a plan only to see it fall apart piece by piece? Or told everyone you possibly could of something you were planning only to have it not come to fruition? I do it all the time. I mean, all the time. I have big plans and then I either don't follow through or the plans change. Within the last year I was reading through James (my favorite Bible book) and I read a verse that stumped me for a sec. James 4:13-17 says, "Now listen you who say (he was talking to me), "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow! What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.""
I had never thought of making plans as bragging. Do I know what tomorrow brings? Absolutely not! How many times have I made plans to go somewhere, clean something, meet a friend, and not been able to do those things because of a situation that has come up? I wasn't even thinking about the Lord's will, only my own. I give no thought to God when I am making my plans, I don't think about what He wants to put in my day. I just selfishly fill my days with whatever I want to do. God gets his 10 minutes in the morning and the rest of the day is Mine, All Mine! Bwahahaha!
I know we modern day Christians try to fit in with the rest of the world as best we can because the rest of the world already thinks we're freaks. If we start speaking Christianese, we're just going to get more outcast. If we all start sentences with "If it's the Lord's will..." we are going to get some funny looks! Maybe we could find a way to change the way we speak so that it honors God and doesn't make us look weird. Unless looking weird is your thing... I like saying, "My plan, if God wills it, is... Or my plan is to..." I'm still working on it though, I forget sometimes.
Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." I don't think the Lord wants us to stop making plans, He just wants us to include Him and make room for what He may plan. People ask me all the time why I have 6 kids. I tell them that I only planned 2 of them, the Lord planned the other 4. I may have had my "plans" but God knew what was going to be best for me.
How about you? What plans did you have that God changed? How was your attitude when the plans changed?
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Alas fair youth, I knew you well...
Well folks, I am officially a grown up. No longer can I pretend I am young and fresh. I always wondered what I would feel like when It actually happened. What happened you ask? I found a gray hair. (I'll calmly sit and let you all pat me on the back and tell me it's okay while the song I'll Be There plays in the background) I did always wonder how I would react when I finally found one. Well, I had a freakout moment. I couldn't believe my eyes and I plucked it out and ran downstairs to show my husband who had very little pity. He assured me it wasn't a gray hair but I'm not buying it. I plucked a regular hair and you could clearly see the difference not only in color but in thickness. My gray hair is going to be thick! The next day I obsessively combed through my hair and found 2 more. I plucked one and left the other in as proof for all thouse doubters out there (cough cough Spouse).
I know the Bible talks about gray hair being a crown of wisdom or something but I am not wise enough to pull that off just yet. I am going to pick my battles but I am going to fight the Age Battle. I'm going to start by carefully picking the color I am going to start dyeing my hair. I'm currently a very subtle red and I like it but it's not a permanent dye. I may try a few more non-permanent colors before I make my decision. Suggestions are welcome.
I will be fighting aging but not in a weird way. I don't want to be one of those 40somethings with too much make up, a mini skirt, platform sandals, and too much jewelry. I don't want to compete with my teenagers. As my friend says, "Teenagers win every time" and it is so true. There are limits to the Age Battle. I want to look my age but in a beautiful way. I don't want to be in my mid 30's with gray hair, I'm just not ready.
I recently tried buying an over the counter "wrinkle reducer" by a reputable company. I went on their website and they happily told me that if I just bought these 15 daily use products my face would look glowy and youthful. I bought the 3 basics and figured I would give it a try. Wellllll, it took the top layer of my skin off and left me feeling like a dragon and looking sunburned for several days. I gave that battle up after less than a week!
What makes me feel the most young is that I feel young. Inside, I feel happy and bubbly and silly and it just flows out of me. My husband is infatuated with me and who wouldn't want to see that look coming at ya every chance you could? Seeing the look in his eyes makes me feel like a teenager all over again. When I'm at college, people look surprised when I say I have 6 kids and my oldest is 15; they think I'm only 20. I like looking young but not at the expense of my health. I'll start with dyeing my hair and see where that takes me : )
I know several women who aren't fighting the battle at all and more power to them. I also know some people who are fighting to the death. How about you? What "age" moment caught you off guard? What are you doing to fight, if anything? What hair color should I start with?
I know the Bible talks about gray hair being a crown of wisdom or something but I am not wise enough to pull that off just yet. I am going to pick my battles but I am going to fight the Age Battle. I'm going to start by carefully picking the color I am going to start dyeing my hair. I'm currently a very subtle red and I like it but it's not a permanent dye. I may try a few more non-permanent colors before I make my decision. Suggestions are welcome.
I will be fighting aging but not in a weird way. I don't want to be one of those 40somethings with too much make up, a mini skirt, platform sandals, and too much jewelry. I don't want to compete with my teenagers. As my friend says, "Teenagers win every time" and it is so true. There are limits to the Age Battle. I want to look my age but in a beautiful way. I don't want to be in my mid 30's with gray hair, I'm just not ready.
I recently tried buying an over the counter "wrinkle reducer" by a reputable company. I went on their website and they happily told me that if I just bought these 15 daily use products my face would look glowy and youthful. I bought the 3 basics and figured I would give it a try. Wellllll, it took the top layer of my skin off and left me feeling like a dragon and looking sunburned for several days. I gave that battle up after less than a week!
What makes me feel the most young is that I feel young. Inside, I feel happy and bubbly and silly and it just flows out of me. My husband is infatuated with me and who wouldn't want to see that look coming at ya every chance you could? Seeing the look in his eyes makes me feel like a teenager all over again. When I'm at college, people look surprised when I say I have 6 kids and my oldest is 15; they think I'm only 20. I like looking young but not at the expense of my health. I'll start with dyeing my hair and see where that takes me : )
I know several women who aren't fighting the battle at all and more power to them. I also know some people who are fighting to the death. How about you? What "age" moment caught you off guard? What are you doing to fight, if anything? What hair color should I start with?
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Torn...Decision making time
Ever had a decision you had to make and didn't want to? You could see both sides and didn't really like either one? I am in that place today so ya'll get to see how my mind works in decision making time.
For 3 years I was a girl scout leader in my area. I loved it! The girls were so creative and sweet and we did lots of activities. Then I started going to college part time and felt that I needed to step down but there was nobody to take my place. So, I kept leading but didn't do as good of a job because I was too busy. I started asking other people to take my place, other moms in my troops or other leaders in the area. I found one lady who would take the brownies but sadly, she died in a car accident. Another lady took my cadettes but nobody else stepped up. I had to step down because I was going to be schooling full time in the fall and I knew I wouldn't be any good to the girls.
During one of the final leaders meetings, the head lady asked if anyone would be a delegate for our council to go to the thrice yearly meetings in the city and report back to our council. Nobody stepped up. Shocker! Anyway, I felt guilty that I was stepping down and leaving a gap and that nobody else was stepping up so I raised my hand. Sigh. I have a hard time saying no sometimes.
Well, that was a stupid decision on my part and now I am stuck. The 2nd meeting is tonight and I don't want to go. I already had to bail on the first meeting because it was during an exceptionally busy time and now I am faced with The Decision. I do not want to be a delegate. There, I said it! I am not involved with girl scouts at all; I have no idea what is going on! I am no help to our council and I will most likely not pay attention even if I do go to this meeting. My husband was a little pissed that I was even a delegate, apparently I had forgotten to mention it to him. He says I should back out of the whole position but I feel bad about it. I already told one lady I would carpool with her and I hate to back out the day of the meeting. Sigh. Decision making time. Should I honor my husband and back out? Or should I follow thru with my obligation and go to the meeting? I am torn.
I think I know what I am going to do, but I want to think on it a little more.
Have you ever had a tough decision to make? One that was in a gray area, you know, something not cut and dried, not black and white? Tell me about it.
For 3 years I was a girl scout leader in my area. I loved it! The girls were so creative and sweet and we did lots of activities. Then I started going to college part time and felt that I needed to step down but there was nobody to take my place. So, I kept leading but didn't do as good of a job because I was too busy. I started asking other people to take my place, other moms in my troops or other leaders in the area. I found one lady who would take the brownies but sadly, she died in a car accident. Another lady took my cadettes but nobody else stepped up. I had to step down because I was going to be schooling full time in the fall and I knew I wouldn't be any good to the girls.
During one of the final leaders meetings, the head lady asked if anyone would be a delegate for our council to go to the thrice yearly meetings in the city and report back to our council. Nobody stepped up. Shocker! Anyway, I felt guilty that I was stepping down and leaving a gap and that nobody else was stepping up so I raised my hand. Sigh. I have a hard time saying no sometimes.
Well, that was a stupid decision on my part and now I am stuck. The 2nd meeting is tonight and I don't want to go. I already had to bail on the first meeting because it was during an exceptionally busy time and now I am faced with The Decision. I do not want to be a delegate. There, I said it! I am not involved with girl scouts at all; I have no idea what is going on! I am no help to our council and I will most likely not pay attention even if I do go to this meeting. My husband was a little pissed that I was even a delegate, apparently I had forgotten to mention it to him. He says I should back out of the whole position but I feel bad about it. I already told one lady I would carpool with her and I hate to back out the day of the meeting. Sigh. Decision making time. Should I honor my husband and back out? Or should I follow thru with my obligation and go to the meeting? I am torn.
I think I know what I am going to do, but I want to think on it a little more.
Have you ever had a tough decision to make? One that was in a gray area, you know, something not cut and dried, not black and white? Tell me about it.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Disappointment
I had this whole thing written out in my head and I went to write it and saw the title to the last blog, "I feel great!" Oh the irony...
Have you ever been disappointed? Do you remember how it felt? Your numbers didn't win the $180 million lottery, dang it! You might feel upset but you kind of knew that was going to happen. Or you study really hard for a test only to get a D. You are going to be disappointed in yourself maybe or the teacher, but it's more of a sadness (at least to me) than anything else. Maybe you get to Panera for your once a year Turkey Artichoke Panini only to find out they are out of panini bread. Disbelief may override disappointment, at least it did in my case. I just stood there looking at the lady waiting for her to say, " Just kidding, of course we have panini bread!". She didn't. I had to order something else. I was disappointed but I got over it pretty quickly and learned to get to Panera before 8:55pm. Of you forget to turn the dryer on and it just goes on for it's 60 minutes and then buzzes and you run in to get the jeans you threw in there so you could wear them to the mall only to find them still sitting in a wet lump. Disapointment and maybe anger, you might throw something or slam the dryer door shut and hit the on button so hard you hurt your palm. Maybe you dropped one of your favorite dishes, the ones that are discontinued and can only be found in thrift stores. You get the point, disappointment hurts and usually is combined with some other emotion like anger or disbelief. But...
Nothing compares to the anguish you feel when one of your children disappoints you. I'm not talking about when your 3 year old pees his pants. I'm talking about when one of your older "responsible" children loses his/her mind and does something that just leaves you speechless. Your heart feels like it's being ripped out of your chest and stomped on with cleats. No words come out of your mouth, you just look at that child and wonder what happened to that cute little baby. We blame ourselves at first, what horrible parenting we have done to bring our children to this point. What have I been doing or not doing to put my kid in this predicament? And then reality sets in. We have done a good job. We have taught them right and wrong and how to organize and be responsible. We've taught them to tell the truth and to trust us. But they have to make their own decisions and sometimes those decisions are horrible. Sometimes they let peer pressure have more of an influence than the gospel. Sometimes they think we're just dummies and want to show us how smart they are. I know that's what I thought when I disobeyed my parents. They don't know what I am feeling, they don't understand so I will just do what I think is best. Ouch. How stupid was I? Apparently as stupid as kids today who are thinking the same things.
When my kids disappoint me, and the older they get, the more frequent it is happening, I have to remember to not say much. Matthew 12:34 says, "for out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks". If my stomped up disappointed heart is full of disappointment, that is going to flow out of my mouth. I usually bring the child's issue up and then send them away so I can pray and think and discuss with my spouse. I tend to act quickly and have lots of regrets. I'm trying to change that, trying to think first and then speak and apologize less.
I have to say, I am tired of being disappointed but I know that it is only just beginning. When parents of older children say, "Ohh, I wish my kids were still little" I know why. The teen years are so hard. I love my teens and tweens and kiddos and toddlers and I know I will make it through. I just have to treasure each happy moment and try to have as many of those as possible.
When have you been disappointed? How did you feel? How did you deal with it?
Have you ever been disappointed? Do you remember how it felt? Your numbers didn't win the $180 million lottery, dang it! You might feel upset but you kind of knew that was going to happen. Or you study really hard for a test only to get a D. You are going to be disappointed in yourself maybe or the teacher, but it's more of a sadness (at least to me) than anything else. Maybe you get to Panera for your once a year Turkey Artichoke Panini only to find out they are out of panini bread. Disbelief may override disappointment, at least it did in my case. I just stood there looking at the lady waiting for her to say, " Just kidding, of course we have panini bread!". She didn't. I had to order something else. I was disappointed but I got over it pretty quickly and learned to get to Panera before 8:55pm. Of you forget to turn the dryer on and it just goes on for it's 60 minutes and then buzzes and you run in to get the jeans you threw in there so you could wear them to the mall only to find them still sitting in a wet lump. Disapointment and maybe anger, you might throw something or slam the dryer door shut and hit the on button so hard you hurt your palm. Maybe you dropped one of your favorite dishes, the ones that are discontinued and can only be found in thrift stores. You get the point, disappointment hurts and usually is combined with some other emotion like anger or disbelief. But...
Nothing compares to the anguish you feel when one of your children disappoints you. I'm not talking about when your 3 year old pees his pants. I'm talking about when one of your older "responsible" children loses his/her mind and does something that just leaves you speechless. Your heart feels like it's being ripped out of your chest and stomped on with cleats. No words come out of your mouth, you just look at that child and wonder what happened to that cute little baby. We blame ourselves at first, what horrible parenting we have done to bring our children to this point. What have I been doing or not doing to put my kid in this predicament? And then reality sets in. We have done a good job. We have taught them right and wrong and how to organize and be responsible. We've taught them to tell the truth and to trust us. But they have to make their own decisions and sometimes those decisions are horrible. Sometimes they let peer pressure have more of an influence than the gospel. Sometimes they think we're just dummies and want to show us how smart they are. I know that's what I thought when I disobeyed my parents. They don't know what I am feeling, they don't understand so I will just do what I think is best. Ouch. How stupid was I? Apparently as stupid as kids today who are thinking the same things.
When my kids disappoint me, and the older they get, the more frequent it is happening, I have to remember to not say much. Matthew 12:34 says, "for out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks". If my stomped up disappointed heart is full of disappointment, that is going to flow out of my mouth. I usually bring the child's issue up and then send them away so I can pray and think and discuss with my spouse. I tend to act quickly and have lots of regrets. I'm trying to change that, trying to think first and then speak and apologize less.
I have to say, I am tired of being disappointed but I know that it is only just beginning. When parents of older children say, "Ohh, I wish my kids were still little" I know why. The teen years are so hard. I love my teens and tweens and kiddos and toddlers and I know I will make it through. I just have to treasure each happy moment and try to have as many of those as possible.
When have you been disappointed? How did you feel? How did you deal with it?
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I feel great!
I have a pair of boots that make me feel fantastic. I wear them with a skirt (because my giant calves don't allow for jeanage wear) and I feel so fancy even with just a denim skirt and black top. They are black leather and have a zipper and buckle that jingle and they come to just below my knee. I love them. Now I know why my little girls always want to wear boots, even snowboots. They just make me feel powerful and funky and a little crazy. I want to do a runway walk when I see a long stretch of floor. I actually did just that in the store while trying them on. They were not expensive and really aren't fancy or anything, but boy do I feel great in them. My husband likes them too, especially with the skirt. What it is about certain items that just make us feel more powerful or pretty? I have even found that when I wear the boots, I stand straighter and feel more confident. When I wear my converse, I slouch a little and take on the persona of a grungy youth. The converse make me want to wear a hoodie and jeans. The boots make me want to take on the world! How crazy is that?
Do you have an item in your wardrobe that makes you feel like Xena Warrior Princess or GIJoe? Something that makes you feel special and causes you to exude confidence? A jewelry item or shirt or maybe even the clothes you wore to prom or the suit you wore to your first interview. Tell me what makes you feel confident and wonderful!
Do you have an item in your wardrobe that makes you feel like Xena Warrior Princess or GIJoe? Something that makes you feel special and causes you to exude confidence? A jewelry item or shirt or maybe even the clothes you wore to prom or the suit you wore to your first interview. Tell me what makes you feel confident and wonderful!
Monday, February 28, 2011
My (a poem)
My feet.
My feet are surrounded by dirty laundry, pet hair, and school papers.
My feet are in my shoes, ready to go to the next activity.
My feet are sore from being used all day.
My body.
My body is surrounded by little bodies ready for a hug.
My body is desiring my husband.
My body is hungry and tired.
My hands.
My hands hold pens ready to sign the next permission slip.
My hands hold my keys, ready to leave or come home.
My hands type, type, type.
My head.
My head is filled with homework.
My head is already thinking ahead to what I need to do next.
My head is putting dinner on the table and listening for the disobedient child.
My heart.
My heart holds the hands of my children.
My heart holds the face of my husband.
My heart yearns to burst with all that I feel.
But my eyes.
My eyes hold steady to the One who will pull me through.
My eyes look to Him who holds my hand and gives me strength.
My eyes look into His and I am at peace.
My feet are surrounded by dirty laundry, pet hair, and school papers.
My feet are in my shoes, ready to go to the next activity.
My feet are sore from being used all day.
My body.
My body is surrounded by little bodies ready for a hug.
My body is desiring my husband.
My body is hungry and tired.
My hands.
My hands hold pens ready to sign the next permission slip.
My hands hold my keys, ready to leave or come home.
My hands type, type, type.
My head.
My head is filled with homework.
My head is already thinking ahead to what I need to do next.
My head is putting dinner on the table and listening for the disobedient child.
My heart.
My heart holds the hands of my children.
My heart holds the face of my husband.
My heart yearns to burst with all that I feel.
But my eyes.
My eyes hold steady to the One who will pull me through.
My eyes look to Him who holds my hand and gives me strength.
My eyes look into His and I am at peace.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
You look fancy mommy!
I'm having a reflection moment and I would like to share it with ya'll. Today at our homeschool co-op, we had "Clash Day". We dressed up in our tackiest, clashiest clothes and tried to outdo each other. I took this as a competition and had a blast getting dressed this morning. I wish I had a pic to add, someone took one, if she sends it, I'll add it later. Anyway, I put on 2 dressy items and a mishmash of other things and I looked a real mess : ) My 4 year old said, "Mom, you look so fancy!" Her perception of mommy was that because I had on a skirt and shiny shirt and a necklace that I was fancy. My 9 year old looked me up and down and said, "Mom, did you know you had 2 different earrings in?" I guess she thought I was just being careless by not wearing the same earrings, she apparently hadn't noticed the fall colors bejeweled "fancy" shirt and the black and white flowered skirt I was sporting. My son on the other hand thought I had lost my mind. He actually dropped his jaw and I had to explain it was school spirit day for co-op.
I arrived at co-op and had fun laughing with my friends because we all just looked so silly. But, you know what I heard over and over?? "LaShelle, I just can't take you seriously in that outfit!" Now friends, I took absolutely no offense at this, please don't worry. But it did get me thinking about how our clothes really do make an impression on people's perception of who we are. My friends know me and they had trouble listening to "serious" talk from me today because of my mixmatched clothes. How much more would the general public have perceived me? What would have happened if I had stopped at Food Lion on the way home? Would people have thought I was crazy or just a HUGE Cyndi Lauper fan? I know I have talked about clothes before and my pet peeves but this is different. First impressions are forever and our clothes are such a huge part of that impression. They shouldn't be, but they are. I am not a very good dresser, I try, but I often fail. I prefer converse tennis shoes, jeans, and a zip up sweatshirt to age-appropriate clothes. Eventually, I will start having to wear nicer things all the time because I am attempting to build a career as a classically trained soprano. I wouldn't want to run into a choir director or conductor in my chucks and jeans because in all seriousness, they may not take me "seriously" as a singer. I know there are tons of people out there who don't care what people are wearing and I commend those people with a big high five. *slap*
I'm going to tell one brief story about an unnamed person but hopefully it will make an impact on your own life. I had a friend who wouldn't go to church, no matter how many times he said he would. Eventually, his young daughter convinced him to go so he decided to come in with a bang. He wore his Harley Davidson shirt, ripped blue jeans, huge shiny belt buckle. Probably had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He walked in the door probably hoping they would chuck him right back on the street. Instead, the pastor came running to meet him, hugged him, and told him he had been waiting for him to come. That was more than 30 years ago and that man has been a Christian ever since. What might have happened to that man if the pastor had made his impression based only on his first sight? What if he had passed judgement and treated the man like a roach? Who knows.
I guess what I'm saying here is that society has deemed some people more "acceptable" than others based on what they wear. Anyone who went to a public high school can tall you that. We can make a difference in just one person's life by accepting who they are, by not judging them by what they wear but by what's inside. I know we all have our pet peeves on what is acceptable to wear in public and that probably won't change, but don't judge someone or lose respect for them because of their apparel choices. Who knows what others are thinking about you.
Have you ever been in a situation when you were judged by your appearance? Or if you judged someone based on their look?
I arrived at co-op and had fun laughing with my friends because we all just looked so silly. But, you know what I heard over and over?? "LaShelle, I just can't take you seriously in that outfit!" Now friends, I took absolutely no offense at this, please don't worry. But it did get me thinking about how our clothes really do make an impression on people's perception of who we are. My friends know me and they had trouble listening to "serious" talk from me today because of my mixmatched clothes. How much more would the general public have perceived me? What would have happened if I had stopped at Food Lion on the way home? Would people have thought I was crazy or just a HUGE Cyndi Lauper fan? I know I have talked about clothes before and my pet peeves but this is different. First impressions are forever and our clothes are such a huge part of that impression. They shouldn't be, but they are. I am not a very good dresser, I try, but I often fail. I prefer converse tennis shoes, jeans, and a zip up sweatshirt to age-appropriate clothes. Eventually, I will start having to wear nicer things all the time because I am attempting to build a career as a classically trained soprano. I wouldn't want to run into a choir director or conductor in my chucks and jeans because in all seriousness, they may not take me "seriously" as a singer. I know there are tons of people out there who don't care what people are wearing and I commend those people with a big high five. *slap*
I'm going to tell one brief story about an unnamed person but hopefully it will make an impact on your own life. I had a friend who wouldn't go to church, no matter how many times he said he would. Eventually, his young daughter convinced him to go so he decided to come in with a bang. He wore his Harley Davidson shirt, ripped blue jeans, huge shiny belt buckle. Probably had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He walked in the door probably hoping they would chuck him right back on the street. Instead, the pastor came running to meet him, hugged him, and told him he had been waiting for him to come. That was more than 30 years ago and that man has been a Christian ever since. What might have happened to that man if the pastor had made his impression based only on his first sight? What if he had passed judgement and treated the man like a roach? Who knows.
I guess what I'm saying here is that society has deemed some people more "acceptable" than others based on what they wear. Anyone who went to a public high school can tall you that. We can make a difference in just one person's life by accepting who they are, by not judging them by what they wear but by what's inside. I know we all have our pet peeves on what is acceptable to wear in public and that probably won't change, but don't judge someone or lose respect for them because of their apparel choices. Who knows what others are thinking about you.
Have you ever been in a situation when you were judged by your appearance? Or if you judged someone based on their look?
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