Arguments run abound in my house of teenagers and tweenagers and little guys. I have recently witnessed with my own eyes a fight over a seat on the couch, a fight for a seat at the table (they are assigned by the way) a fight over a seat in the van (also assigned), who will get to pick the tv show, and who will get to use the pair of headphones we use for the computers. I'm not talking about petty arguments, these things escalate into yelling, tears, they generally end up involving another sibling who tries to mediate, and then a punishment. Today, our Christmas break, oh I'm sorry, our Holiday Break started at 3:12 when my kids got off the bus from school. I opened the floodgates of media that have been off limits all week and the arguments started. It ended up with my 12 year old and my 11 year old fighting and my 14 year old jumped in to try and mediate and only made it worse. I called my 2 younger ones in to my room and we had a little discussion. What my children seem to lack is LOVE. I mean love the verb, not the fuzzy feeling. They do not seem to love their siblings enough to give up something they want for the happiness of their sibling. Kids are born as little selfish beings so it is natural to them to get what they want, even if it means hurting someone else. Loving someone unselfishly is something that is taught and learned, not a natural thing. The argument I gave them was this, "If God was willing to give us His son and Jesus was willing to give His life, what are you willing to give?" As we discussed this in real life examples, I saw an understanding come over them. I know they don't truly get it and I know we will have to have this same discussion again, but today, they got it.
I spent some time in the car rethinking this train of thought and I came to realize that most adults don't get this concept either. Are we Christians really able to give? Give up? Give up all? How many of you have heard this in church or a prayer group, "Lord! I'm an empty vessel, fill me up!!" Really? Totally empty? Bone dry? Or are you half filled with your natural desires and you want God to top you up? Should we be saying, "Lord, I am pretty happy but I want you in there too, there's some room on the side, just squeeze in next to my favorite hobby and my best friend." How many of us are really willing to give up ALL to allow God to truly fill us? Would you be willing to sell your possessions? Move to China? Quit your job? (this is for the people who love their job) Take in an ailing parent? Downsize? Take on a ministry at your church? We pray for God to use us, to fill us, but it's usually on our terms, not His. "Lord, use me but make sure it's something I feel like doing".
I know this is something I struggle with everyday. I am willing to give up my seat on a bus for a stranger but I won't give up the remote to my husband. I am willing to give money to my friend but don't want to give my kid money to go to the movies. I am selfish but I want God to use me. I know lots of people like this. They love Jesus, they want to be used, and they don't want to be selfish. They want to be Lovers (the verb) but life gets in the way sometimes.
Do you struggle with this? What will you give, knowing that the God we serve gave so much? Will you be a Lover (you know the verb)?
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Children: Blessing or Hindrance?
Last month on Facebook, I did 30 days of thankfulness. I loved writing each one and wanted to do something similiar in December. This month, I am doing 31 days of "Count Your Blessings" My status today is going to be short but I wanted to expound on something that comes up quite frequently in my life and I'm sure it has come up in yours if you are a parent or a sibling.
My children are a blessing to me, everyday. I love seeing their faces, hearing the funny things they say, seeing them grow and change, and watching them succeed. I have 6 kids, 6 very different kids who all make my day brighter in their own unique way. I did not choose to have 6 kids, God chose for me. He knew I would need each one of these little Blessings to help me be a better person and to draw me closer to Him. I am trying to enjoy each stage such as it is and try not to look forward too fast to what is to come.
More often than I want to count, people have made comments that stuck with me in a negative way. They saw my children as a hindrance, a background noise that needed to go away. One day we were at a bank and the teller was commenting on the number of children I had. Here's how it went down.
lady: "Wow! You have 6 kids!"
me: "Yes I do".
lady: "I bet you can't wait til school starts!"
me: "Maam, I didn't have 6 kids to send them to school. I actually like being with my kids and in fact, I homeschool all of them."
lady:"Oh, I didn't mean it like that!"
Sure she did. She saw children as a status symbol and while they are in free babysitting (school) all day I can pursue my own interests. She didn't see them as a blessing, a gift from God to my husband and me.
Another time, we were fostering 3 boys so we had 9 children 11 and under. I took all 9 somewhere and some lady walked up to me and said in a snoddy voice, "Please tell me they are not all yours!" I retorted : Ok, they're not all mine. And I walked away. She did not see children as a blessing. She saw them as a problem, a horde of bees maybe. Eww, kids.
My children are mine and I love them. Even when they are rotten little brats, I love them. Even when I resolve to be mad at one (or a few), I can't stay that way. I love them. They are a blessing to me in so many ways. I am willing to put my life on hold, to put my dreams to the side so that they can have as much as me as possible. I am willing to put my plans to the side if necessary so that they can do their thing. And I love them doing their thing. I love seeing them play their instruments, draw their pictures, bring home a good test grade, pick out their own funky outfits, try out new hairstyles, sing songs, and decorate their rooms. It's my job as a parent to make sure my kids feel loved and accepted by me, not as an aggravation or a hindrance to my life.
My favorite place to tell people I was pregnant was at church. Out in public people would yell out, "You're pregnant again? Don't you know what causes that? How are you going to afford 6 children? What were you thinking?" Etc. At church: "Congratulations! It was about that time, you had gone a whole 3 weeks without being pregnant so we knew it was coming. Oh, your children are so sweet and beautiful, we can't wait til this one is born. I am so happy for you." My church (and my family) see children as a blessing. An individual gift to unwrap and enjoy.
How do you view children? As a Blessing, a joy, an addition to your life? Or an 18 year blight, a curse upon mankind, a distraction to what is really important?
My children are a blessing to me, everyday. I love seeing their faces, hearing the funny things they say, seeing them grow and change, and watching them succeed. I have 6 kids, 6 very different kids who all make my day brighter in their own unique way. I did not choose to have 6 kids, God chose for me. He knew I would need each one of these little Blessings to help me be a better person and to draw me closer to Him. I am trying to enjoy each stage such as it is and try not to look forward too fast to what is to come.
More often than I want to count, people have made comments that stuck with me in a negative way. They saw my children as a hindrance, a background noise that needed to go away. One day we were at a bank and the teller was commenting on the number of children I had. Here's how it went down.
lady: "Wow! You have 6 kids!"
me: "Yes I do".
lady: "I bet you can't wait til school starts!"
me: "Maam, I didn't have 6 kids to send them to school. I actually like being with my kids and in fact, I homeschool all of them."
lady:"Oh, I didn't mean it like that!"
Sure she did. She saw children as a status symbol and while they are in free babysitting (school) all day I can pursue my own interests. She didn't see them as a blessing, a gift from God to my husband and me.
Another time, we were fostering 3 boys so we had 9 children 11 and under. I took all 9 somewhere and some lady walked up to me and said in a snoddy voice, "Please tell me they are not all yours!" I retorted : Ok, they're not all mine. And I walked away. She did not see children as a blessing. She saw them as a problem, a horde of bees maybe. Eww, kids.
My children are mine and I love them. Even when they are rotten little brats, I love them. Even when I resolve to be mad at one (or a few), I can't stay that way. I love them. They are a blessing to me in so many ways. I am willing to put my life on hold, to put my dreams to the side so that they can have as much as me as possible. I am willing to put my plans to the side if necessary so that they can do their thing. And I love them doing their thing. I love seeing them play their instruments, draw their pictures, bring home a good test grade, pick out their own funky outfits, try out new hairstyles, sing songs, and decorate their rooms. It's my job as a parent to make sure my kids feel loved and accepted by me, not as an aggravation or a hindrance to my life.
My favorite place to tell people I was pregnant was at church. Out in public people would yell out, "You're pregnant again? Don't you know what causes that? How are you going to afford 6 children? What were you thinking?" Etc. At church: "Congratulations! It was about that time, you had gone a whole 3 weeks without being pregnant so we knew it was coming. Oh, your children are so sweet and beautiful, we can't wait til this one is born. I am so happy for you." My church (and my family) see children as a blessing. An individual gift to unwrap and enjoy.
How do you view children? As a Blessing, a joy, an addition to your life? Or an 18 year blight, a curse upon mankind, a distraction to what is really important?
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
I am slightly offended
For those who know me, I do not get offended easily. I get angry easily and defensive, but not usually offended. I saw something today that got me thinking so I facebooked it and it evoked some comments and I figured I'd blog about it.
I went to a Wells Fargo bank this morning and there was this sign in the parking lot:
LOW EMISSIONS VEHICLE PARKING ONLY
I am slightly offended. I realize low emission vehicles are a great thing and I am all for them but I simply cannot afford one and they do not make one in a "family size". Or at least, my family size. I have owned my van (see previous blogs for details) for over 6 years and God and my wonderful mechanic have kept it running and on the road. I simply cannot afford a new car right now. Even if I did get a new one, it wouldn't be one of the new low emissions vehicles because, again, they don't come in 8 passenger. And if, by my lack of education in the matter, they do come in 8 passenger models, I can't afford them. So now what? That means at the bank I have to walk 10-15 extra steps to the front door because the spots that border the building are reserved for low emissions vehicles. That is just dumb. I'm sorry but it is. Is that supposed to be incentive for me to get a loan from said bank to buy a vehicle so I can park 10 feet closer to your building? Um, no. I am not going into more debt so I can park closer to your building. A friend of mine says they have those parking spots reserved at her local library. Really? Shouldn't those spots be saved for people with children so the kids don't have to run across the road in the rain? Or for older patrons so they don't have to walk as far? No, they are for the young wealthy people who can afford a nicer car. I am not against young and wealthy and I am not against those of you who are better with your money than I am, I just don't think you deserve or should get a better parking spot because of it.
Another friend of mine said those signs aren't law so she doesn't have to honor them. I did honor it but only because I knew if I backed into the spot (which I have to do since I can't really back out of parking spots well in the 15 passenger) and I hit the sign with my less than low emissions vehicle, they would probably make me buy another one. And since gas costs a fortune these days, I really can't afford to replace the sign.
So what do you think? Do you think businesses can really put up a sign that reserves spots for certain kinds of cars? What would be next? Should we all stand outside the Wells Fargo and protest? I am all for it if it's not raining. If it is, we can just sit in my running van and wave our signs out the windows.
I went to a Wells Fargo bank this morning and there was this sign in the parking lot:
LOW EMISSIONS VEHICLE PARKING ONLY
I am slightly offended. I realize low emission vehicles are a great thing and I am all for them but I simply cannot afford one and they do not make one in a "family size". Or at least, my family size. I have owned my van (see previous blogs for details) for over 6 years and God and my wonderful mechanic have kept it running and on the road. I simply cannot afford a new car right now. Even if I did get a new one, it wouldn't be one of the new low emissions vehicles because, again, they don't come in 8 passenger. And if, by my lack of education in the matter, they do come in 8 passenger models, I can't afford them. So now what? That means at the bank I have to walk 10-15 extra steps to the front door because the spots that border the building are reserved for low emissions vehicles. That is just dumb. I'm sorry but it is. Is that supposed to be incentive for me to get a loan from said bank to buy a vehicle so I can park 10 feet closer to your building? Um, no. I am not going into more debt so I can park closer to your building. A friend of mine says they have those parking spots reserved at her local library. Really? Shouldn't those spots be saved for people with children so the kids don't have to run across the road in the rain? Or for older patrons so they don't have to walk as far? No, they are for the young wealthy people who can afford a nicer car. I am not against young and wealthy and I am not against those of you who are better with your money than I am, I just don't think you deserve or should get a better parking spot because of it.
Another friend of mine said those signs aren't law so she doesn't have to honor them. I did honor it but only because I knew if I backed into the spot (which I have to do since I can't really back out of parking spots well in the 15 passenger) and I hit the sign with my less than low emissions vehicle, they would probably make me buy another one. And since gas costs a fortune these days, I really can't afford to replace the sign.
So what do you think? Do you think businesses can really put up a sign that reserves spots for certain kinds of cars? What would be next? Should we all stand outside the Wells Fargo and protest? I am all for it if it's not raining. If it is, we can just sit in my running van and wave our signs out the windows.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Time. Defined.
I use my children as points of reference to define the time things happened in my life. I'm sure ya'll do too but I will give an example just in case you have no idea what I am talking about. Our church is having a 10 year anniversary celebration! I was pregnant with my 5th child when we moved into that building. Wow, no wonder I don't remember a single event, including the Christmas play I was in. Or: I remember when we went to Cancun, we only had 3 kids then and I was pregnant! My life, at least in the last 17 years, has been defined by which kid I was pregnant with or nursing at the time. Since the majority of the people I hang with are in a similiar stage of life, I hadn't realized I was doing this until I started college. This year, one of my 18 year old classmates asked me, "Why do you define time by which kid you were pregnant with?" Her question stumped me (but only for a second). I asked her what defining times did she have in her life. Going from middle school to high school maybe or before or after she went to some great camp that changed her life. Life is doled out moment to moment but we don't remember it that way. We remember it in chunks and by the people that were important in that chunk. So, I remember Cancun and I remember I was pregnant because I couldn't imbibe in the all you can drink option that came with our plan. I remember going to MI with my friend and our combined 12 children, including my 3 month old and her 3 week old. We will forever define that trip with those 2 babies ages. I remember when our church opened it's doors to our brand new building 10 years ago because I was holding my only son in my arms.
How do you define time? Before or after your marriage? Maybe it's a significant death that is your marking. Maybe it's when you became an empty nester or a first time parent. Or maybe it's when you got devastating news like, "Before the cancer". All of us define time in some way. What's your way?
How do you define time? Before or after your marriage? Maybe it's a significant death that is your marking. Maybe it's when you became an empty nester or a first time parent. Or maybe it's when you got devastating news like, "Before the cancer". All of us define time in some way. What's your way?
Thursday, November 10, 2011
A Random Stranger
This is a long Isabelism, figured I'd blog it.
5 of my kids and I went to Home Depot to make fancy keys for those children responsible enough to keep track of their key. We are all surrounding the key machine and picking out fancy keys and playing with the doorknobs in the aisle, clogging up the whole area. This young man, probably around 25 years old or so, walks by with a fabulous walking stick/cane with a snake engraved on it. The snake is wrapped around the stick and it is all beautifully painted. He limps slowly through my mass of younguns and Isabel yells out, "Hey! I know that story!" The guy stops and looks at her, quizzically. Then he stops, stoops down a little and says, "Tell me the story". Wow. Hold on, gotta get a tissue, I'm tearing up. So, Isabel proceeds to tell him about the story in the Bible where the Israelites have to look upon the bronze snake on a stick or they will die. The man knows the story and they have a small conversation about it and then he walks away. What a moment. My daughter, totally ignoring the fact that the guy was lame, sees a snake on a stick and thinks of the Bible. This man, who probably has more on his mind than a kid asking him questions, stops to have a quiet conversation with my 5 year old about God. I mean, how many young people would do that? Would you stop and take the time to talk to a small kid in a Home Depot because they yell out a comment? I was so impressed by that young man's character. He certainly taught me a lesson today.
5 of my kids and I went to Home Depot to make fancy keys for those children responsible enough to keep track of their key. We are all surrounding the key machine and picking out fancy keys and playing with the doorknobs in the aisle, clogging up the whole area. This young man, probably around 25 years old or so, walks by with a fabulous walking stick/cane with a snake engraved on it. The snake is wrapped around the stick and it is all beautifully painted. He limps slowly through my mass of younguns and Isabel yells out, "Hey! I know that story!" The guy stops and looks at her, quizzically. Then he stops, stoops down a little and says, "Tell me the story". Wow. Hold on, gotta get a tissue, I'm tearing up. So, Isabel proceeds to tell him about the story in the Bible where the Israelites have to look upon the bronze snake on a stick or they will die. The man knows the story and they have a small conversation about it and then he walks away. What a moment. My daughter, totally ignoring the fact that the guy was lame, sees a snake on a stick and thinks of the Bible. This man, who probably has more on his mind than a kid asking him questions, stops to have a quiet conversation with my 5 year old about God. I mean, how many young people would do that? Would you stop and take the time to talk to a small kid in a Home Depot because they yell out a comment? I was so impressed by that young man's character. He certainly taught me a lesson today.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Drugs: good for kids? Maybe...
I hope the title made you read this because that was my intent : ) A friend of mine sent me an article (wish I still had the link) a while ago in the hopes I would write a blog about it but my life is kinda crazy and I just don't have the time to blog as much. I am making some time today!
The article he sent was about parents drugging children in certain situations and what was our opinion. For instance, would we give our kids a medicine that made them sleepy so they would be good on a trip. This is one I would think alot of parents might do, especially if they are flying. A pro for inducing sleep would be that the child would sleep most of the trip and the parent would be less stressed. A con is that you are giving a child medicine that is not really doing what it is supposed to just so your life can be easier. There may be a unique situation where this would be the only option, but I don't think this is appropriate for most of the time. I would consider that an act of "lazy parenting". "This makes my life easier so I am going to do it even if it has a negative effect on my child" I personally have never intentionally given my children a medicine so they would sleep when I wanted them to. We travel alot and my kids are used to it so they are pretty good travelers.
I found the article, you can look at it here: http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/08/10/7321836-medicating-your-kids-for-peace-and-quiet-is-it-ever-ok
Another reason for medicating a child is so they will sleep through the night and the parent can have peace and quiet. When we sign up for parenting, we sign away peace and quiet. If we stick to our guns when they are babies, most of the time, kids learn to sleep through the night anyways. There are always exceptions to this but most healthy babies will sleep through the night by 6 months. So basically, if you are drugging your child at 3, 4, 5, whatever, you are teaching your child they need medication to sleep instead of a good habit you should have trained into them when they were little. If you need peace and quiet, check out one of my previous blog about having some me time. Otherwise, suck it up and teach your child how to sleep through the night the healthy way. I have a friend who recently did this with her 5 year old because she had always just slept in the parent's bed. It only took a few days of training and being strict and disciplined and now she is in her room in her bed. The parents can just be husband and wife now in their marriage bed.
One last reason I will put out there is still controversial and will remain controversial for some time. Yes folks, I'm talking about ADD/ADHD meds. Before I start getting hate mail, let me say that I am not against medicating for ADD/ADHD but BUT I do think kids today are overmedicated and not just for this condition. Ok, I said it now I can continue my post. I am addressing this part to parents that are quick to put their kid on a medicine because they want that child's behavior to improve. They want a diagnosis so that their life and their child's life can be easier. I think that there are alot of kids out there that just were not trained to obey and to be respectful and are put on meds as an easy way out. These medications can have serious side effects and will not help a child unless they have a condition. Putting a little guy on medicine because he is wiggly or a mover is not going to help you in the future. I have a couple kids with attention issues and with wiggly issues but teaching them techniques was way more helpful than medication. One of my kids needed to be holding something when she did school so I let her, as long as it didn't interfere with her work. Another kid needed a focus item, something she could look at it and remember to keep at her work instead of daydream. There are alternatives to medication! To those of you who really have a child with that condition and medication has worked, then good! I know medication can't always be avoided and can sometimes be a necessity.
I will end with a story. When my (wiggly) son was 4 the Sunday school teacher pulled me aside one week. "LaShelle, I need to talk to you about your son." I am expecting the worst, did he hit someone, jump out of his chair, etc. "Yes? What did he do?" teacher: "He wouldn't sit still during story time" me: (after a long silence) "Is that it?" teacher: "Well, yes! He should sit still" me: "I don't expect my 4 year old son to sit still during story time. He's 4 and he is in this room for almost 2 hours"
Maybe our expectations for our children are not accurate. No 4 year old, boy or girl, is going to sit still during story time, especially if it happens to be a boring story. Boys especially have trouble sitting still even into their teen years. Kids are going to have rough nights and rough trips but if we can look at it from the right perspective, then we should all grow from something like that, not resort to medication. Now again, I am addressing healthy parents with healthy children. I know that there are exceptions to this and some kids need sleep meds and some parents are sick or whatever the situation may be.
What do you think? Should kids be drugged for trips? For sleeping through the night? To have them behave a certain way?
The article he sent was about parents drugging children in certain situations and what was our opinion. For instance, would we give our kids a medicine that made them sleepy so they would be good on a trip. This is one I would think alot of parents might do, especially if they are flying. A pro for inducing sleep would be that the child would sleep most of the trip and the parent would be less stressed. A con is that you are giving a child medicine that is not really doing what it is supposed to just so your life can be easier. There may be a unique situation where this would be the only option, but I don't think this is appropriate for most of the time. I would consider that an act of "lazy parenting". "This makes my life easier so I am going to do it even if it has a negative effect on my child" I personally have never intentionally given my children a medicine so they would sleep when I wanted them to. We travel alot and my kids are used to it so they are pretty good travelers.
I found the article, you can look at it here: http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/08/10/7321836-medicating-your-kids-for-peace-and-quiet-is-it-ever-ok
Another reason for medicating a child is so they will sleep through the night and the parent can have peace and quiet. When we sign up for parenting, we sign away peace and quiet. If we stick to our guns when they are babies, most of the time, kids learn to sleep through the night anyways. There are always exceptions to this but most healthy babies will sleep through the night by 6 months. So basically, if you are drugging your child at 3, 4, 5, whatever, you are teaching your child they need medication to sleep instead of a good habit you should have trained into them when they were little. If you need peace and quiet, check out one of my previous blog about having some me time. Otherwise, suck it up and teach your child how to sleep through the night the healthy way. I have a friend who recently did this with her 5 year old because she had always just slept in the parent's bed. It only took a few days of training and being strict and disciplined and now she is in her room in her bed. The parents can just be husband and wife now in their marriage bed.
One last reason I will put out there is still controversial and will remain controversial for some time. Yes folks, I'm talking about ADD/ADHD meds. Before I start getting hate mail, let me say that I am not against medicating for ADD/ADHD but BUT I do think kids today are overmedicated and not just for this condition. Ok, I said it now I can continue my post. I am addressing this part to parents that are quick to put their kid on a medicine because they want that child's behavior to improve. They want a diagnosis so that their life and their child's life can be easier. I think that there are alot of kids out there that just were not trained to obey and to be respectful and are put on meds as an easy way out. These medications can have serious side effects and will not help a child unless they have a condition. Putting a little guy on medicine because he is wiggly or a mover is not going to help you in the future. I have a couple kids with attention issues and with wiggly issues but teaching them techniques was way more helpful than medication. One of my kids needed to be holding something when she did school so I let her, as long as it didn't interfere with her work. Another kid needed a focus item, something she could look at it and remember to keep at her work instead of daydream. There are alternatives to medication! To those of you who really have a child with that condition and medication has worked, then good! I know medication can't always be avoided and can sometimes be a necessity.
I will end with a story. When my (wiggly) son was 4 the Sunday school teacher pulled me aside one week. "LaShelle, I need to talk to you about your son." I am expecting the worst, did he hit someone, jump out of his chair, etc. "Yes? What did he do?" teacher: "He wouldn't sit still during story time" me: (after a long silence) "Is that it?" teacher: "Well, yes! He should sit still" me: "I don't expect my 4 year old son to sit still during story time. He's 4 and he is in this room for almost 2 hours"
Maybe our expectations for our children are not accurate. No 4 year old, boy or girl, is going to sit still during story time, especially if it happens to be a boring story. Boys especially have trouble sitting still even into their teen years. Kids are going to have rough nights and rough trips but if we can look at it from the right perspective, then we should all grow from something like that, not resort to medication. Now again, I am addressing healthy parents with healthy children. I know that there are exceptions to this and some kids need sleep meds and some parents are sick or whatever the situation may be.
What do you think? Should kids be drugged for trips? For sleeping through the night? To have them behave a certain way?
Thursday, October 13, 2011
A Parent's Responsibility
Long time no see my friends! Whew, what a crazy start to the school year!! I really shouldn't even be writing this, I have a paper due but what the heck! Everyone needs a little release now and then.
A couple things have happened to me or around me recently and it got me thinking, what are our responsibilities as parents? I don't mean the big things like discipline, teaching them about our Savior, or education. I'm talking about the little day to day things or things our society tells us are our or aren't our responsibilities (is that too many letter i(s) in that word? dang). Anyway, I know some of my friends read this and I am going to share your stories without asking. Please don't give yourself away in the comments and we'll be alright. Also, I have no problem with your lives or these situations, I'm just using them as examples.
The first one is about me. My parents never gave me a "real" copy of my birth certificate. I didn't realize this as it was old and folded up and looked authentic. It wasn't until my spouse and I went on a cruise to the Bahamas that I realized it was a copy of my birth ceritficate. The port authority almost didn't let me go but I pulled out the "I'm so innocent and I had no idea look" and they let me get on with a warning to get a passport. In my parent's defense, they also didn't know it was a copy. The real one is floating around somewhere, we just don't know where. Anyway, my parents are visiting my birth state soon and I asked them to drop by vital records and get me a real birth certificate. The response I got was, "That's not my responsibility but I will try" (responsibility has too many i's) Initially, I was offended and shocked at the response. Of course it is their responsibility to give me a copy of my birth certificate! When I told my husband, he strongly disagreed. He said I'm grown and I should go get my own. So I ask you people, is it a parent's responsibility to furnish their child with a copy of their original birth certificate? I say yes! I have one ready for each of my kids and when they move out, they get to take it and all their crap with them.
The next issue I have is with laundry. As soon as my kids are old enough and tall enough to reach the buttons, they are taught to do laundry. By age 11 or so, the kids are responsible for their own dirty stuff and also for folding and putting away their clean stuff. Now, before someone calls CPS, I do help them from time to time. I help switch it and I help fold if I am not too busy. I'm also a great reminder. "Hey! Kid! Go switch your laundry!" But I have a friend who is the laundry goddess of her home. No kid is allowed to touch the machines or even enter her laundry room without permission. (ok, I'm exaggerating but ya'll get my drift) She runs a tight laundry ship but kids aren't really allowed to help. I am concerned about this and have told her so but she likes her system. So, what do ya'll think? Is it a parent's responsibility to do their child's laundry til they move out or should we have them doing their own? Obviously, I am on the "do their own" side. I don't mind sharing the laundry machines.
The third one I have is about alarm clocks. At what age do we parents stop waking our kids up and start letting them be responsible (can we rewrite that word with fewer "i"s?) for getting themselves up? Middle school? High School? College? Mid-30's? At our house, it's middle school. As soon as our kids start 6th grade, they are given an alarm clock and told to get up by themselves. We are on our 4th kid with this system and it works pretty well. But I know parents who are still waking up their college kids and obviously they are ok with that system. What do you think? What is your policy?
What else? We could talk about teaching kids their social security numbers, letting them drink out of glasses instead of cups, doing outside chores like mowing, etc. Let me hear your stories, your opinions. What is a responsibility you don't think we should have or you think we are not being responsible enough with. Oh my gosh, my "i" finger is tired!!
A couple things have happened to me or around me recently and it got me thinking, what are our responsibilities as parents? I don't mean the big things like discipline, teaching them about our Savior, or education. I'm talking about the little day to day things or things our society tells us are our or aren't our responsibilities (is that too many letter i(s) in that word? dang). Anyway, I know some of my friends read this and I am going to share your stories without asking. Please don't give yourself away in the comments and we'll be alright. Also, I have no problem with your lives or these situations, I'm just using them as examples.
The first one is about me. My parents never gave me a "real" copy of my birth certificate. I didn't realize this as it was old and folded up and looked authentic. It wasn't until my spouse and I went on a cruise to the Bahamas that I realized it was a copy of my birth ceritficate. The port authority almost didn't let me go but I pulled out the "I'm so innocent and I had no idea look" and they let me get on with a warning to get a passport. In my parent's defense, they also didn't know it was a copy. The real one is floating around somewhere, we just don't know where. Anyway, my parents are visiting my birth state soon and I asked them to drop by vital records and get me a real birth certificate. The response I got was, "That's not my responsibility but I will try" (responsibility has too many i's) Initially, I was offended and shocked at the response. Of course it is their responsibility to give me a copy of my birth certificate! When I told my husband, he strongly disagreed. He said I'm grown and I should go get my own. So I ask you people, is it a parent's responsibility to furnish their child with a copy of their original birth certificate? I say yes! I have one ready for each of my kids and when they move out, they get to take it and all their crap with them.
The next issue I have is with laundry. As soon as my kids are old enough and tall enough to reach the buttons, they are taught to do laundry. By age 11 or so, the kids are responsible for their own dirty stuff and also for folding and putting away their clean stuff. Now, before someone calls CPS, I do help them from time to time. I help switch it and I help fold if I am not too busy. I'm also a great reminder. "Hey! Kid! Go switch your laundry!" But I have a friend who is the laundry goddess of her home. No kid is allowed to touch the machines or even enter her laundry room without permission. (ok, I'm exaggerating but ya'll get my drift) She runs a tight laundry ship but kids aren't really allowed to help. I am concerned about this and have told her so but she likes her system. So, what do ya'll think? Is it a parent's responsibility to do their child's laundry til they move out or should we have them doing their own? Obviously, I am on the "do their own" side. I don't mind sharing the laundry machines.
The third one I have is about alarm clocks. At what age do we parents stop waking our kids up and start letting them be responsible (can we rewrite that word with fewer "i"s?) for getting themselves up? Middle school? High School? College? Mid-30's? At our house, it's middle school. As soon as our kids start 6th grade, they are given an alarm clock and told to get up by themselves. We are on our 4th kid with this system and it works pretty well. But I know parents who are still waking up their college kids and obviously they are ok with that system. What do you think? What is your policy?
What else? We could talk about teaching kids their social security numbers, letting them drink out of glasses instead of cups, doing outside chores like mowing, etc. Let me hear your stories, your opinions. What is a responsibility you don't think we should have or you think we are not being responsible enough with. Oh my gosh, my "i" finger is tired!!
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