I hope the title made you read this because that was my intent : ) A friend of mine sent me an article (wish I still had the link) a while ago in the hopes I would write a blog about it but my life is kinda crazy and I just don't have the time to blog as much. I am making some time today!
The article he sent was about parents drugging children in certain situations and what was our opinion. For instance, would we give our kids a medicine that made them sleepy so they would be good on a trip. This is one I would think alot of parents might do, especially if they are flying. A pro for inducing sleep would be that the child would sleep most of the trip and the parent would be less stressed. A con is that you are giving a child medicine that is not really doing what it is supposed to just so your life can be easier. There may be a unique situation where this would be the only option, but I don't think this is appropriate for most of the time. I would consider that an act of "lazy parenting". "This makes my life easier so I am going to do it even if it has a negative effect on my child" I personally have never intentionally given my children a medicine so they would sleep when I wanted them to. We travel alot and my kids are used to it so they are pretty good travelers.
I found the article, you can look at it here: http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/08/10/7321836-medicating-your-kids-for-peace-and-quiet-is-it-ever-ok
Another reason for medicating a child is so they will sleep through the night and the parent can have peace and quiet. When we sign up for parenting, we sign away peace and quiet. If we stick to our guns when they are babies, most of the time, kids learn to sleep through the night anyways. There are always exceptions to this but most healthy babies will sleep through the night by 6 months. So basically, if you are drugging your child at 3, 4, 5, whatever, you are teaching your child they need medication to sleep instead of a good habit you should have trained into them when they were little. If you need peace and quiet, check out one of my previous blog about having some me time. Otherwise, suck it up and teach your child how to sleep through the night the healthy way. I have a friend who recently did this with her 5 year old because she had always just slept in the parent's bed. It only took a few days of training and being strict and disciplined and now she is in her room in her bed. The parents can just be husband and wife now in their marriage bed.
One last reason I will put out there is still controversial and will remain controversial for some time. Yes folks, I'm talking about ADD/ADHD meds. Before I start getting hate mail, let me say that I am not against medicating for ADD/ADHD but BUT I do think kids today are overmedicated and not just for this condition. Ok, I said it now I can continue my post. I am addressing this part to parents that are quick to put their kid on a medicine because they want that child's behavior to improve. They want a diagnosis so that their life and their child's life can be easier. I think that there are alot of kids out there that just were not trained to obey and to be respectful and are put on meds as an easy way out. These medications can have serious side effects and will not help a child unless they have a condition. Putting a little guy on medicine because he is wiggly or a mover is not going to help you in the future. I have a couple kids with attention issues and with wiggly issues but teaching them techniques was way more helpful than medication. One of my kids needed to be holding something when she did school so I let her, as long as it didn't interfere with her work. Another kid needed a focus item, something she could look at it and remember to keep at her work instead of daydream. There are alternatives to medication! To those of you who really have a child with that condition and medication has worked, then good! I know medication can't always be avoided and can sometimes be a necessity.
I will end with a story. When my (wiggly) son was 4 the Sunday school teacher pulled me aside one week. "LaShelle, I need to talk to you about your son." I am expecting the worst, did he hit someone, jump out of his chair, etc. "Yes? What did he do?" teacher: "He wouldn't sit still during story time" me: (after a long silence) "Is that it?" teacher: "Well, yes! He should sit still" me: "I don't expect my 4 year old son to sit still during story time. He's 4 and he is in this room for almost 2 hours"
Maybe our expectations for our children are not accurate. No 4 year old, boy or girl, is going to sit still during story time, especially if it happens to be a boring story. Boys especially have trouble sitting still even into their teen years. Kids are going to have rough nights and rough trips but if we can look at it from the right perspective, then we should all grow from something like that, not resort to medication. Now again, I am addressing healthy parents with healthy children. I know that there are exceptions to this and some kids need sleep meds and some parents are sick or whatever the situation may be.
What do you think? Should kids be drugged for trips? For sleeping through the night? To have them behave a certain way?
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
A Parent's Responsibility
Long time no see my friends! Whew, what a crazy start to the school year!! I really shouldn't even be writing this, I have a paper due but what the heck! Everyone needs a little release now and then.
A couple things have happened to me or around me recently and it got me thinking, what are our responsibilities as parents? I don't mean the big things like discipline, teaching them about our Savior, or education. I'm talking about the little day to day things or things our society tells us are our or aren't our responsibilities (is that too many letter i(s) in that word? dang). Anyway, I know some of my friends read this and I am going to share your stories without asking. Please don't give yourself away in the comments and we'll be alright. Also, I have no problem with your lives or these situations, I'm just using them as examples.
The first one is about me. My parents never gave me a "real" copy of my birth certificate. I didn't realize this as it was old and folded up and looked authentic. It wasn't until my spouse and I went on a cruise to the Bahamas that I realized it was a copy of my birth ceritficate. The port authority almost didn't let me go but I pulled out the "I'm so innocent and I had no idea look" and they let me get on with a warning to get a passport. In my parent's defense, they also didn't know it was a copy. The real one is floating around somewhere, we just don't know where. Anyway, my parents are visiting my birth state soon and I asked them to drop by vital records and get me a real birth certificate. The response I got was, "That's not my responsibility but I will try" (responsibility has too many i's) Initially, I was offended and shocked at the response. Of course it is their responsibility to give me a copy of my birth certificate! When I told my husband, he strongly disagreed. He said I'm grown and I should go get my own. So I ask you people, is it a parent's responsibility to furnish their child with a copy of their original birth certificate? I say yes! I have one ready for each of my kids and when they move out, they get to take it and all their crap with them.
The next issue I have is with laundry. As soon as my kids are old enough and tall enough to reach the buttons, they are taught to do laundry. By age 11 or so, the kids are responsible for their own dirty stuff and also for folding and putting away their clean stuff. Now, before someone calls CPS, I do help them from time to time. I help switch it and I help fold if I am not too busy. I'm also a great reminder. "Hey! Kid! Go switch your laundry!" But I have a friend who is the laundry goddess of her home. No kid is allowed to touch the machines or even enter her laundry room without permission. (ok, I'm exaggerating but ya'll get my drift) She runs a tight laundry ship but kids aren't really allowed to help. I am concerned about this and have told her so but she likes her system. So, what do ya'll think? Is it a parent's responsibility to do their child's laundry til they move out or should we have them doing their own? Obviously, I am on the "do their own" side. I don't mind sharing the laundry machines.
The third one I have is about alarm clocks. At what age do we parents stop waking our kids up and start letting them be responsible (can we rewrite that word with fewer "i"s?) for getting themselves up? Middle school? High School? College? Mid-30's? At our house, it's middle school. As soon as our kids start 6th grade, they are given an alarm clock and told to get up by themselves. We are on our 4th kid with this system and it works pretty well. But I know parents who are still waking up their college kids and obviously they are ok with that system. What do you think? What is your policy?
What else? We could talk about teaching kids their social security numbers, letting them drink out of glasses instead of cups, doing outside chores like mowing, etc. Let me hear your stories, your opinions. What is a responsibility you don't think we should have or you think we are not being responsible enough with. Oh my gosh, my "i" finger is tired!!
A couple things have happened to me or around me recently and it got me thinking, what are our responsibilities as parents? I don't mean the big things like discipline, teaching them about our Savior, or education. I'm talking about the little day to day things or things our society tells us are our or aren't our responsibilities (is that too many letter i(s) in that word? dang). Anyway, I know some of my friends read this and I am going to share your stories without asking. Please don't give yourself away in the comments and we'll be alright. Also, I have no problem with your lives or these situations, I'm just using them as examples.
The first one is about me. My parents never gave me a "real" copy of my birth certificate. I didn't realize this as it was old and folded up and looked authentic. It wasn't until my spouse and I went on a cruise to the Bahamas that I realized it was a copy of my birth ceritficate. The port authority almost didn't let me go but I pulled out the "I'm so innocent and I had no idea look" and they let me get on with a warning to get a passport. In my parent's defense, they also didn't know it was a copy. The real one is floating around somewhere, we just don't know where. Anyway, my parents are visiting my birth state soon and I asked them to drop by vital records and get me a real birth certificate. The response I got was, "That's not my responsibility but I will try" (responsibility has too many i's) Initially, I was offended and shocked at the response. Of course it is their responsibility to give me a copy of my birth certificate! When I told my husband, he strongly disagreed. He said I'm grown and I should go get my own. So I ask you people, is it a parent's responsibility to furnish their child with a copy of their original birth certificate? I say yes! I have one ready for each of my kids and when they move out, they get to take it and all their crap with them.
The next issue I have is with laundry. As soon as my kids are old enough and tall enough to reach the buttons, they are taught to do laundry. By age 11 or so, the kids are responsible for their own dirty stuff and also for folding and putting away their clean stuff. Now, before someone calls CPS, I do help them from time to time. I help switch it and I help fold if I am not too busy. I'm also a great reminder. "Hey! Kid! Go switch your laundry!" But I have a friend who is the laundry goddess of her home. No kid is allowed to touch the machines or even enter her laundry room without permission. (ok, I'm exaggerating but ya'll get my drift) She runs a tight laundry ship but kids aren't really allowed to help. I am concerned about this and have told her so but she likes her system. So, what do ya'll think? Is it a parent's responsibility to do their child's laundry til they move out or should we have them doing their own? Obviously, I am on the "do their own" side. I don't mind sharing the laundry machines.
The third one I have is about alarm clocks. At what age do we parents stop waking our kids up and start letting them be responsible (can we rewrite that word with fewer "i"s?) for getting themselves up? Middle school? High School? College? Mid-30's? At our house, it's middle school. As soon as our kids start 6th grade, they are given an alarm clock and told to get up by themselves. We are on our 4th kid with this system and it works pretty well. But I know parents who are still waking up their college kids and obviously they are ok with that system. What do you think? What is your policy?
What else? We could talk about teaching kids their social security numbers, letting them drink out of glasses instead of cups, doing outside chores like mowing, etc. Let me hear your stories, your opinions. What is a responsibility you don't think we should have or you think we are not being responsible enough with. Oh my gosh, my "i" finger is tired!!
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