Hey ya'll!! It's been awhile since I posted, I had to go back through my old posts to make sure this wasn't going to be a duplicate.
Today, I want to give some advice for people who are interested in dating outside your race, color, ethnicity, etc. A few months ago, I was asked to give some words of wisdom to a friend of mine's white niece who was preparing to marry a black guy. I had to think about it but here is what I came up with.
1. You need to enjoy being different.
Do you like to fit in? Do you worry what people think of you? If so, do not get involved with a person of another race. People will stare at you and question what you are doing. I got to thinking about myself and my friends who are involved in inter-racial relationships and this was a common theme, they like to stand out. It may be with their opinions, their dress, or their desire to do something crazy. Or they were super self confident. I was the crazy one, my husband was super confident.
2. Make sure you and your partner can openly discuss things.
I question my husband frequently about race issues. He answers. We can openly discuss sensitive topics without him worrying if I am racist or vice versa. I love my husband and he loves me. Make sure your lines of communication are open because topics and issues will come up and you need to be willing to discuss them.
3. Be ready for some hate.
Regardless of your loving family, open minded freinds, and happy church family, somebody will hate what you have done. Be ready. Nasty looks, snide comments, maybe even open hostility. You will run across someone someday who will not be happy. I never had anything prepared to say but I just remembered that Jesus had sanctioned my marriage and He loves me even if these people don't.
4. Learn to do hair.
Your children will not have black or white hair, they will have some kind of mix. If you are white and you only know how to deal with straight hair, learn how to braid immediately. Be ready to take a trip down the aisle at Walmart that has the black hair products. Get your girls sleep caps, it helps keep the frizz down. Be ready to play with different creams, gels, shampoos, conditioners, and hairstyles. I can't count the number of things we tried before we realized that the "frizz ease" stuff works best for my kids (we call it the frizzy stuff). Dove has a great moisturizing shampoo and conditioner that works well with my kids hair too. If you are black, be ready to accept that your hair products that work so well with your hair may not work with your kids, it may be too heavy. Your kids hair may need to be washed more or less frequently than your own. My girls wash their hair everyday but my friend's daughter only needs to wash hers about once a week. Try different things and be open minded. Ask questions if you need to.
5. Love.
Love your spouse, love your kids, love your in-laws, love the people who hate. Love, love love!!! I can't say it enough! The percentage of inter-racial couples who divorce is, I think, is twice as high than same race couples. I think the percentage is 98%, 98% of interracial couples will divorce. Love your spouse, communicate, be open-minded, and love! Learn to love the things that are different about his or her past and accept them. Let your children see how much you love each other. Be affectionate.
As I was reading this post over, I believe these rules apply to those that adopt children from other races. You will get comments, hatred, weird looks, stupid questions, and have hair you don't know what to do with. I have had friends who foster ask my advice on how to do their biracial or black babies hair. My favorite questions are from other kids and they accept my answers so cutely. One little boy in my 5 year old's kindergarten class asked me, "Why is she black and you're white?" I said to him, "Her dad is black and I am white." His eyes got all big and he said, "Me too! My dad is black and my mom is white!" All the other kids who were standing around start yelling out what their parents are and it ended up being a really cute conversation. They didn't care that she was mixed, they just wanted to know.
What can you add to this post? An experience? Another hunk of advice? A funny story? My biggest question though, is, Can you handle it?
