Arguments run abound in my house of teenagers and tweenagers and little guys. I have recently witnessed with my own eyes a fight over a seat on the couch, a fight for a seat at the table (they are assigned by the way) a fight over a seat in the van (also assigned), who will get to pick the tv show, and who will get to use the pair of headphones we use for the computers. I'm not talking about petty arguments, these things escalate into yelling, tears, they generally end up involving another sibling who tries to mediate, and then a punishment. Today, our Christmas break, oh I'm sorry, our Holiday Break started at 3:12 when my kids got off the bus from school. I opened the floodgates of media that have been off limits all week and the arguments started. It ended up with my 12 year old and my 11 year old fighting and my 14 year old jumped in to try and mediate and only made it worse. I called my 2 younger ones in to my room and we had a little discussion. What my children seem to lack is LOVE. I mean love the verb, not the fuzzy feeling. They do not seem to love their siblings enough to give up something they want for the happiness of their sibling. Kids are born as little selfish beings so it is natural to them to get what they want, even if it means hurting someone else. Loving someone unselfishly is something that is taught and learned, not a natural thing. The argument I gave them was this, "If God was willing to give us His son and Jesus was willing to give His life, what are you willing to give?" As we discussed this in real life examples, I saw an understanding come over them. I know they don't truly get it and I know we will have to have this same discussion again, but today, they got it.
I spent some time in the car rethinking this train of thought and I came to realize that most adults don't get this concept either. Are we Christians really able to give? Give up? Give up all? How many of you have heard this in church or a prayer group, "Lord! I'm an empty vessel, fill me up!!" Really? Totally empty? Bone dry? Or are you half filled with your natural desires and you want God to top you up? Should we be saying, "Lord, I am pretty happy but I want you in there too, there's some room on the side, just squeeze in next to my favorite hobby and my best friend." How many of us are really willing to give up ALL to allow God to truly fill us? Would you be willing to sell your possessions? Move to China? Quit your job? (this is for the people who love their job) Take in an ailing parent? Downsize? Take on a ministry at your church? We pray for God to use us, to fill us, but it's usually on our terms, not His. "Lord, use me but make sure it's something I feel like doing".
I know this is something I struggle with everyday. I am willing to give up my seat on a bus for a stranger but I won't give up the remote to my husband. I am willing to give money to my friend but don't want to give my kid money to go to the movies. I am selfish but I want God to use me. I know lots of people like this. They love Jesus, they want to be used, and they don't want to be selfish. They want to be Lovers (the verb) but life gets in the way sometimes.
Do you struggle with this? What will you give, knowing that the God we serve gave so much? Will you be a Lover (you know the verb)?
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Children: Blessing or Hindrance?
Last month on Facebook, I did 30 days of thankfulness. I loved writing each one and wanted to do something similiar in December. This month, I am doing 31 days of "Count Your Blessings" My status today is going to be short but I wanted to expound on something that comes up quite frequently in my life and I'm sure it has come up in yours if you are a parent or a sibling.
My children are a blessing to me, everyday. I love seeing their faces, hearing the funny things they say, seeing them grow and change, and watching them succeed. I have 6 kids, 6 very different kids who all make my day brighter in their own unique way. I did not choose to have 6 kids, God chose for me. He knew I would need each one of these little Blessings to help me be a better person and to draw me closer to Him. I am trying to enjoy each stage such as it is and try not to look forward too fast to what is to come.
More often than I want to count, people have made comments that stuck with me in a negative way. They saw my children as a hindrance, a background noise that needed to go away. One day we were at a bank and the teller was commenting on the number of children I had. Here's how it went down.
lady: "Wow! You have 6 kids!"
me: "Yes I do".
lady: "I bet you can't wait til school starts!"
me: "Maam, I didn't have 6 kids to send them to school. I actually like being with my kids and in fact, I homeschool all of them."
lady:"Oh, I didn't mean it like that!"
Sure she did. She saw children as a status symbol and while they are in free babysitting (school) all day I can pursue my own interests. She didn't see them as a blessing, a gift from God to my husband and me.
Another time, we were fostering 3 boys so we had 9 children 11 and under. I took all 9 somewhere and some lady walked up to me and said in a snoddy voice, "Please tell me they are not all yours!" I retorted : Ok, they're not all mine. And I walked away. She did not see children as a blessing. She saw them as a problem, a horde of bees maybe. Eww, kids.
My children are mine and I love them. Even when they are rotten little brats, I love them. Even when I resolve to be mad at one (or a few), I can't stay that way. I love them. They are a blessing to me in so many ways. I am willing to put my life on hold, to put my dreams to the side so that they can have as much as me as possible. I am willing to put my plans to the side if necessary so that they can do their thing. And I love them doing their thing. I love seeing them play their instruments, draw their pictures, bring home a good test grade, pick out their own funky outfits, try out new hairstyles, sing songs, and decorate their rooms. It's my job as a parent to make sure my kids feel loved and accepted by me, not as an aggravation or a hindrance to my life.
My favorite place to tell people I was pregnant was at church. Out in public people would yell out, "You're pregnant again? Don't you know what causes that? How are you going to afford 6 children? What were you thinking?" Etc. At church: "Congratulations! It was about that time, you had gone a whole 3 weeks without being pregnant so we knew it was coming. Oh, your children are so sweet and beautiful, we can't wait til this one is born. I am so happy for you." My church (and my family) see children as a blessing. An individual gift to unwrap and enjoy.
How do you view children? As a Blessing, a joy, an addition to your life? Or an 18 year blight, a curse upon mankind, a distraction to what is really important?
My children are a blessing to me, everyday. I love seeing their faces, hearing the funny things they say, seeing them grow and change, and watching them succeed. I have 6 kids, 6 very different kids who all make my day brighter in their own unique way. I did not choose to have 6 kids, God chose for me. He knew I would need each one of these little Blessings to help me be a better person and to draw me closer to Him. I am trying to enjoy each stage such as it is and try not to look forward too fast to what is to come.
More often than I want to count, people have made comments that stuck with me in a negative way. They saw my children as a hindrance, a background noise that needed to go away. One day we were at a bank and the teller was commenting on the number of children I had. Here's how it went down.
lady: "Wow! You have 6 kids!"
me: "Yes I do".
lady: "I bet you can't wait til school starts!"
me: "Maam, I didn't have 6 kids to send them to school. I actually like being with my kids and in fact, I homeschool all of them."
lady:"Oh, I didn't mean it like that!"
Sure she did. She saw children as a status symbol and while they are in free babysitting (school) all day I can pursue my own interests. She didn't see them as a blessing, a gift from God to my husband and me.
Another time, we were fostering 3 boys so we had 9 children 11 and under. I took all 9 somewhere and some lady walked up to me and said in a snoddy voice, "Please tell me they are not all yours!" I retorted : Ok, they're not all mine. And I walked away. She did not see children as a blessing. She saw them as a problem, a horde of bees maybe. Eww, kids.
My children are mine and I love them. Even when they are rotten little brats, I love them. Even when I resolve to be mad at one (or a few), I can't stay that way. I love them. They are a blessing to me in so many ways. I am willing to put my life on hold, to put my dreams to the side so that they can have as much as me as possible. I am willing to put my plans to the side if necessary so that they can do their thing. And I love them doing their thing. I love seeing them play their instruments, draw their pictures, bring home a good test grade, pick out their own funky outfits, try out new hairstyles, sing songs, and decorate their rooms. It's my job as a parent to make sure my kids feel loved and accepted by me, not as an aggravation or a hindrance to my life.
My favorite place to tell people I was pregnant was at church. Out in public people would yell out, "You're pregnant again? Don't you know what causes that? How are you going to afford 6 children? What were you thinking?" Etc. At church: "Congratulations! It was about that time, you had gone a whole 3 weeks without being pregnant so we knew it was coming. Oh, your children are so sweet and beautiful, we can't wait til this one is born. I am so happy for you." My church (and my family) see children as a blessing. An individual gift to unwrap and enjoy.
How do you view children? As a Blessing, a joy, an addition to your life? Or an 18 year blight, a curse upon mankind, a distraction to what is really important?
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