My feet.
My feet are surrounded by dirty laundry, pet hair, and school papers.
My feet are in my shoes, ready to go to the next activity.
My feet are sore from being used all day.
My body.
My body is surrounded by little bodies ready for a hug.
My body is desiring my husband.
My body is hungry and tired.
My hands.
My hands hold pens ready to sign the next permission slip.
My hands hold my keys, ready to leave or come home.
My hands type, type, type.
My head.
My head is filled with homework.
My head is already thinking ahead to what I need to do next.
My head is putting dinner on the table and listening for the disobedient child.
My heart.
My heart holds the hands of my children.
My heart holds the face of my husband.
My heart yearns to burst with all that I feel.
But my eyes.
My eyes hold steady to the One who will pull me through.
My eyes look to Him who holds my hand and gives me strength.
My eyes look into His and I am at peace.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
You look fancy mommy!
I'm having a reflection moment and I would like to share it with ya'll. Today at our homeschool co-op, we had "Clash Day". We dressed up in our tackiest, clashiest clothes and tried to outdo each other. I took this as a competition and had a blast getting dressed this morning. I wish I had a pic to add, someone took one, if she sends it, I'll add it later. Anyway, I put on 2 dressy items and a mishmash of other things and I looked a real mess : ) My 4 year old said, "Mom, you look so fancy!" Her perception of mommy was that because I had on a skirt and shiny shirt and a necklace that I was fancy. My 9 year old looked me up and down and said, "Mom, did you know you had 2 different earrings in?" I guess she thought I was just being careless by not wearing the same earrings, she apparently hadn't noticed the fall colors bejeweled "fancy" shirt and the black and white flowered skirt I was sporting. My son on the other hand thought I had lost my mind. He actually dropped his jaw and I had to explain it was school spirit day for co-op.
I arrived at co-op and had fun laughing with my friends because we all just looked so silly. But, you know what I heard over and over?? "LaShelle, I just can't take you seriously in that outfit!" Now friends, I took absolutely no offense at this, please don't worry. But it did get me thinking about how our clothes really do make an impression on people's perception of who we are. My friends know me and they had trouble listening to "serious" talk from me today because of my mixmatched clothes. How much more would the general public have perceived me? What would have happened if I had stopped at Food Lion on the way home? Would people have thought I was crazy or just a HUGE Cyndi Lauper fan? I know I have talked about clothes before and my pet peeves but this is different. First impressions are forever and our clothes are such a huge part of that impression. They shouldn't be, but they are. I am not a very good dresser, I try, but I often fail. I prefer converse tennis shoes, jeans, and a zip up sweatshirt to age-appropriate clothes. Eventually, I will start having to wear nicer things all the time because I am attempting to build a career as a classically trained soprano. I wouldn't want to run into a choir director or conductor in my chucks and jeans because in all seriousness, they may not take me "seriously" as a singer. I know there are tons of people out there who don't care what people are wearing and I commend those people with a big high five. *slap*
I'm going to tell one brief story about an unnamed person but hopefully it will make an impact on your own life. I had a friend who wouldn't go to church, no matter how many times he said he would. Eventually, his young daughter convinced him to go so he decided to come in with a bang. He wore his Harley Davidson shirt, ripped blue jeans, huge shiny belt buckle. Probably had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He walked in the door probably hoping they would chuck him right back on the street. Instead, the pastor came running to meet him, hugged him, and told him he had been waiting for him to come. That was more than 30 years ago and that man has been a Christian ever since. What might have happened to that man if the pastor had made his impression based only on his first sight? What if he had passed judgement and treated the man like a roach? Who knows.
I guess what I'm saying here is that society has deemed some people more "acceptable" than others based on what they wear. Anyone who went to a public high school can tall you that. We can make a difference in just one person's life by accepting who they are, by not judging them by what they wear but by what's inside. I know we all have our pet peeves on what is acceptable to wear in public and that probably won't change, but don't judge someone or lose respect for them because of their apparel choices. Who knows what others are thinking about you.
Have you ever been in a situation when you were judged by your appearance? Or if you judged someone based on their look?
I arrived at co-op and had fun laughing with my friends because we all just looked so silly. But, you know what I heard over and over?? "LaShelle, I just can't take you seriously in that outfit!" Now friends, I took absolutely no offense at this, please don't worry. But it did get me thinking about how our clothes really do make an impression on people's perception of who we are. My friends know me and they had trouble listening to "serious" talk from me today because of my mixmatched clothes. How much more would the general public have perceived me? What would have happened if I had stopped at Food Lion on the way home? Would people have thought I was crazy or just a HUGE Cyndi Lauper fan? I know I have talked about clothes before and my pet peeves but this is different. First impressions are forever and our clothes are such a huge part of that impression. They shouldn't be, but they are. I am not a very good dresser, I try, but I often fail. I prefer converse tennis shoes, jeans, and a zip up sweatshirt to age-appropriate clothes. Eventually, I will start having to wear nicer things all the time because I am attempting to build a career as a classically trained soprano. I wouldn't want to run into a choir director or conductor in my chucks and jeans because in all seriousness, they may not take me "seriously" as a singer. I know there are tons of people out there who don't care what people are wearing and I commend those people with a big high five. *slap*
I'm going to tell one brief story about an unnamed person but hopefully it will make an impact on your own life. I had a friend who wouldn't go to church, no matter how many times he said he would. Eventually, his young daughter convinced him to go so he decided to come in with a bang. He wore his Harley Davidson shirt, ripped blue jeans, huge shiny belt buckle. Probably had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He walked in the door probably hoping they would chuck him right back on the street. Instead, the pastor came running to meet him, hugged him, and told him he had been waiting for him to come. That was more than 30 years ago and that man has been a Christian ever since. What might have happened to that man if the pastor had made his impression based only on his first sight? What if he had passed judgement and treated the man like a roach? Who knows.
I guess what I'm saying here is that society has deemed some people more "acceptable" than others based on what they wear. Anyone who went to a public high school can tall you that. We can make a difference in just one person's life by accepting who they are, by not judging them by what they wear but by what's inside. I know we all have our pet peeves on what is acceptable to wear in public and that probably won't change, but don't judge someone or lose respect for them because of their apparel choices. Who knows what others are thinking about you.
Have you ever been in a situation when you were judged by your appearance? Or if you judged someone based on their look?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Remember When and I Wonder If
Remember when we didn't have youtube, playlist, and itunes? We had to sit by our tape recorders with a blank tape ready to go and as soon as our favorite song came on the radio we had to hurry up and hit record so we wouldn't miss any of it. We never knew the first few beats or the last few beats of any song from using this method.
Remember when we didn't buy the tapes so we didn't have the lyrics so we would sit there listening, rewinding, writing, listening, rewinding, writing until we had the whole thing down on a piece of paper just so we could sing along at the tops of our lungs to our favorite songs?
Remember when we didn't have email and we had to actually write our friends and family? On paper. With a pen or pencil. And then mail it, in an envelope, with a stamp. Who had a penpal?? I did, her name was Michelle and she took dance lessons.
Remember when we had to write a research paper? I said write, not type. We had to use pen and write it out and if we messed up we had to trash the whole piece of paper and start over. The time to do research was nothing on actually writing the darn thing out. And we couldn't use white-out on the final copy, that just looked messy. And if you were lucky enough to have a typewrite, that took just as long cuz none of us knew how to type.
Remember when we only had a couple of channels and we liked what was on because we were only allowed to watch it for a little while each day? I think we had 5 channels when I was a kid and cartoons only came on on Saturdays. The rest of the week I had to settle for People's Court, America's Funniest Home Videos, Mork and Mindy, and V. I remember when Nickelodeon came out and I was hooked on Double Dare because they got covered in slime.
Remember when we would tape things with our VCR's right off of tv? If we got up to get a drink or something and weren't back to hit record again, we would be so mad because we would have missed something on the tape. Then we would watch those tapes over and over until the tape warped and the tracking went out.
Remember when we didn't have ipods or mp3 players but we had walkmans? I remember when the CD walkmans came out and I couldn't wait to get one! I mean, I had 3 whole CD's to play on it. I would get in the car with that thing and then miss all the songs because every tiny bump in the road would cause it to skip like crazy.
I wonder if our grandchildren will ever get lost? Will GPS systems be automatically installed into everything they will ever own? I remember traveling to MI with my sister and cousin and pulling out the state maps with my dad. We tracked our route, wrote it down, figured out the mileage and time, and set off. No mapquest, no GPS system, we were on our own with just the map and the road.
I wonder if our grandchildren will know the feel of a good book in their hands? Will Kindles and Ebooks and Emags and e-everything else take over paper books someday.
I wonder if the internet will eventually take over the need to actually leave the house? You can grocery shop, bank, work from home, communicate with friends, and mail packages all from the comfort of your own home using the internet.
I wonder if I will become famous because of this blog? Will millions of people read this someday? Or will I stick to just tens of people?
Remember when we didn't buy the tapes so we didn't have the lyrics so we would sit there listening, rewinding, writing, listening, rewinding, writing until we had the whole thing down on a piece of paper just so we could sing along at the tops of our lungs to our favorite songs?
Remember when we didn't have email and we had to actually write our friends and family? On paper. With a pen or pencil. And then mail it, in an envelope, with a stamp. Who had a penpal?? I did, her name was Michelle and she took dance lessons.
Remember when we had to write a research paper? I said write, not type. We had to use pen and write it out and if we messed up we had to trash the whole piece of paper and start over. The time to do research was nothing on actually writing the darn thing out. And we couldn't use white-out on the final copy, that just looked messy. And if you were lucky enough to have a typewrite, that took just as long cuz none of us knew how to type.
Remember when we only had a couple of channels and we liked what was on because we were only allowed to watch it for a little while each day? I think we had 5 channels when I was a kid and cartoons only came on on Saturdays. The rest of the week I had to settle for People's Court, America's Funniest Home Videos, Mork and Mindy, and V. I remember when Nickelodeon came out and I was hooked on Double Dare because they got covered in slime.
Remember when we would tape things with our VCR's right off of tv? If we got up to get a drink or something and weren't back to hit record again, we would be so mad because we would have missed something on the tape. Then we would watch those tapes over and over until the tape warped and the tracking went out.
Remember when we didn't have ipods or mp3 players but we had walkmans? I remember when the CD walkmans came out and I couldn't wait to get one! I mean, I had 3 whole CD's to play on it. I would get in the car with that thing and then miss all the songs because every tiny bump in the road would cause it to skip like crazy.
I wonder if our grandchildren will ever get lost? Will GPS systems be automatically installed into everything they will ever own? I remember traveling to MI with my sister and cousin and pulling out the state maps with my dad. We tracked our route, wrote it down, figured out the mileage and time, and set off. No mapquest, no GPS system, we were on our own with just the map and the road.
I wonder if our grandchildren will know the feel of a good book in their hands? Will Kindles and Ebooks and Emags and e-everything else take over paper books someday.
I wonder if the internet will eventually take over the need to actually leave the house? You can grocery shop, bank, work from home, communicate with friends, and mail packages all from the comfort of your own home using the internet.
I wonder if I will become famous because of this blog? Will millions of people read this someday? Or will I stick to just tens of people?
Monday, February 21, 2011
Marriage
Before any of you say anything, I am not a marriage expert and I will never be a marriage expert. I have gleaned information throughout my 15 years of marriage that I would like to share here.
Submissive Wives
I'm going to start with wives cuz I'm one and I've had the most experience as a wife : ) Ephesians 5:22 says, "Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord" I hear over and over from women how they aren't going to submit to any man. They are free, independent women unwilling to even think of submission. I am a free, independent woman as well yet I submit to my husband as I do the Lord. In my marriage, just as in Christ, I have free will and the freedom to make my own decisions. I have been given the freedom to run my house and children as I see fit. My husband is released from figuring out what is for dinner, what outfits the kids are going to wear, buying the kids underclothes, etc. That is my job and I don't need to bother my husband with those things. Just as with God, I can pick out my own clothes, eat what I want for breakfast, and decide whether I want to pledge my allegiance to Target or Walmart. Marriage doesn't mean giving up all your freedom, it just means that we get to share big decision making with our spouses, just as we would with Christ. We wouldn't decide to do something big like buy a car, a house, move, change jobs, etc without first consulting the Lord through prayer. Why can't we see marriage as the same way? Everyday decisions are our own; big decisions that affect the whole family need to be discussed. I will also say that knowing that my husband is responsible for the big decisions is comforting and releasing. Try submitting in that way if you aren't now. See if it makes for more happiness on your part and your spouse's. When my husband makes a decision, even if it is against what I would decide, it makes me feel good that usually he has made his decision based on my welfare. He wants me to be safe and happy and that makes me feel all tingly inside.
Loving Husbands
Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church" Just as the Bible commands women to submit to their husbands, it commands men to Love their wives. Yes, Love starts with a capital L. Love that woman just as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? He died for it. He gave His life so He could present us to His father in heaven. The rest of that verse says, "Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless" Are you men presenting your wives as radiant? When she looks at you, is it with radiance and respect? If so, good job, you get a gold star. If not, you might want to look inside yourselves and see what is going on. Are you loving her? Respecting all the work she does for you? Or are you a dictator, lording over your household like a general? Are you giving her the freedom she needs to be the best she can be for you and for the Lord? Or are you creating a household that resonates fear and bitterness? If you sweetly love, everyday, you will win yourself one wonderful woman. The Lord doesn't come busting in our lives demanding respect and dinner, what gives you the right to do that? He comes on like a breeze or a wave, slowly loving us until all we want is Him. Husbands, use Christ's example as your jumping off point in your marriages.
Differences
What works in my marriage may not work in yours. My husband and I have had several talks over the years about what we each expect of ourselves and each other. Sometimes, that needs to change, especially if we have another child or if he gets a second job. I do the majority of the housework and he makes the money. He works a labor intensive job for both of his jobs so when he gets home, he gets to sit down. The children pick up a large part of the daily chores. I manage the house and the bills and he manages his 2 jobs. That works for us. A friend of mine and her husband both work full time jobs and they split the housework equally. He does the laundry and she cooks. He gets the kids from school and she manages bedtime. That works for them, they are both happy with that decision. If you are unhappy with how the "work" in your home and marriage is split, talk with your spouse. See if you can come up with a compromise. Don't forget to take into consideration energy levels, sleep needs, job hours, and the age of your children. Husbands, don't overwhelm your wives with a ton of extra work, especially if you have small children. Taking care of kids is exhausting work, especially if you have high needs kids or a lot of small ones. Wives, remember that your husband has been looking forward to coming home all day so make it a happy place to be.
Couples time
Always make sure to find time to be a couple. Let me repeat that, ALWAYS find time to be a couple. When we had 5 kids ages 6 and under, finding couple time was really hard. We put our kids to bed very early (7:30) and trained our kids to sleep in their own cribs/beds and stay there. They were not to get out of bed unless they had to pee or it was an emergency. We needed that time to just talk and watch tv and enjoy each other without kids climbing on us or demanding our attention. As our kids have gotten older, we have found other ways. We like to take weekend getaways or trips together. We have date nights. Sometimes we go out, sometimes we get a movie and go to our room and lock the door. Couple time is of ultimate importance in a marriage. You don't want to focus on your kids and jobs so much that you look up one day and see a stranger. Don't think that when the kids move out, you will suddenly reconnect and live happily ever after. You have to build on that relationship all the time and it is time consuming and hard but sooooo worth it.
Alone time
If you have been keeping up with my blog, you know about alone time already but I'll rehash it here briefly. Alone time is so important. My husband plays soccer on a rec league to get out and be his own self and I like to eat out with my friends. Sometimes I go in my room and read a book or get a movie I want to watch. My spouse goes on weekend soccer tournaments or plays poker online. We love to do things together but we need to make sure we don't lose who we are. I need time to just be LaShelle, to be called LaShelle and not mommy or wife (he calls me boo) and he needs the same. Some people need alone time more than others but make sure you are continuing to grow your own personality as you grow together with your spouse. Otherwise you are going to look up one day from your busy life and realize you don't even know who you are anymore. You may even do something drastic to find out where you went, like dye your hair a funny color and buy a convertible. Honestly, how does that possibly help? I mean, you are going to be just as old and lost in that car as you were in your minivan.
Communication
Communication is key to a marriage. Talking face to face is probably one of the most important but there are other ways. Text, email, write letters, call, give googly eyes across the table (kids especially love this one), and more. My husband and I call each other about every 2 hours throughout the day and when we get in bed, we talk for awhile before going to sleep. We can catch up on each others days and learn funny things that happened. When we are upset with each other we know right away because we talk so much. He can even tell if I am calling to say hi or calling because there is a problem or a question just by how I say hello. We get along great and can tell what the other is thinking because we have built up a communication base over our many years of marriage. Our kids love it when we just look at each other across the table and have a "conversation" without saying anything. We love to torture them with that by the way, try it, it's fun. If you don't have good communication in your marriage, start working on it. Don't wait for your spouse, take the initiative. You never know what good will happen if you just start talking.
I could keep going but I'll stop here. At least 50% of marriages in America end in divorce. I would much rather be part of the still married half of that percentage. When it comes to marriage, always keep your eyes 20 years ahead. What you do today will affect your life 20 years from now. If you work on your marriage daily, you will hopefully have a happy one later. If you are unhappy with how things are going now, change them. If your husband isn't the talkative type, find other ways to communicate. If your wife is unhappy and standoffish, love her gently until she comes around. Find ways to make each other happy because ultimately, when your spouse is happy, you are happy. Bringing my husband happiness gives me so much joy. You wouldn't think so because we humans are such selfish beings but try it. Do something nice. He or she may not notice right away, but they will eventually.
Ok, I'll stop here because it is "couples time" at our house. It's been a busy day and I am looking forward to hearing about his day and discussing what's going on tomorrow. Talk atcha later peeps. Oh, I almost forgot, what marriage tips do you have? What marriage problems have you overcome or would like to?
Submissive Wives
I'm going to start with wives cuz I'm one and I've had the most experience as a wife : ) Ephesians 5:22 says, "Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord" I hear over and over from women how they aren't going to submit to any man. They are free, independent women unwilling to even think of submission. I am a free, independent woman as well yet I submit to my husband as I do the Lord. In my marriage, just as in Christ, I have free will and the freedom to make my own decisions. I have been given the freedom to run my house and children as I see fit. My husband is released from figuring out what is for dinner, what outfits the kids are going to wear, buying the kids underclothes, etc. That is my job and I don't need to bother my husband with those things. Just as with God, I can pick out my own clothes, eat what I want for breakfast, and decide whether I want to pledge my allegiance to Target or Walmart. Marriage doesn't mean giving up all your freedom, it just means that we get to share big decision making with our spouses, just as we would with Christ. We wouldn't decide to do something big like buy a car, a house, move, change jobs, etc without first consulting the Lord through prayer. Why can't we see marriage as the same way? Everyday decisions are our own; big decisions that affect the whole family need to be discussed. I will also say that knowing that my husband is responsible for the big decisions is comforting and releasing. Try submitting in that way if you aren't now. See if it makes for more happiness on your part and your spouse's. When my husband makes a decision, even if it is against what I would decide, it makes me feel good that usually he has made his decision based on my welfare. He wants me to be safe and happy and that makes me feel all tingly inside.
Loving Husbands
Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church" Just as the Bible commands women to submit to their husbands, it commands men to Love their wives. Yes, Love starts with a capital L. Love that woman just as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? He died for it. He gave His life so He could present us to His father in heaven. The rest of that verse says, "Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless" Are you men presenting your wives as radiant? When she looks at you, is it with radiance and respect? If so, good job, you get a gold star. If not, you might want to look inside yourselves and see what is going on. Are you loving her? Respecting all the work she does for you? Or are you a dictator, lording over your household like a general? Are you giving her the freedom she needs to be the best she can be for you and for the Lord? Or are you creating a household that resonates fear and bitterness? If you sweetly love, everyday, you will win yourself one wonderful woman. The Lord doesn't come busting in our lives demanding respect and dinner, what gives you the right to do that? He comes on like a breeze or a wave, slowly loving us until all we want is Him. Husbands, use Christ's example as your jumping off point in your marriages.
Differences
What works in my marriage may not work in yours. My husband and I have had several talks over the years about what we each expect of ourselves and each other. Sometimes, that needs to change, especially if we have another child or if he gets a second job. I do the majority of the housework and he makes the money. He works a labor intensive job for both of his jobs so when he gets home, he gets to sit down. The children pick up a large part of the daily chores. I manage the house and the bills and he manages his 2 jobs. That works for us. A friend of mine and her husband both work full time jobs and they split the housework equally. He does the laundry and she cooks. He gets the kids from school and she manages bedtime. That works for them, they are both happy with that decision. If you are unhappy with how the "work" in your home and marriage is split, talk with your spouse. See if you can come up with a compromise. Don't forget to take into consideration energy levels, sleep needs, job hours, and the age of your children. Husbands, don't overwhelm your wives with a ton of extra work, especially if you have small children. Taking care of kids is exhausting work, especially if you have high needs kids or a lot of small ones. Wives, remember that your husband has been looking forward to coming home all day so make it a happy place to be.
Couples time
Always make sure to find time to be a couple. Let me repeat that, ALWAYS find time to be a couple. When we had 5 kids ages 6 and under, finding couple time was really hard. We put our kids to bed very early (7:30) and trained our kids to sleep in their own cribs/beds and stay there. They were not to get out of bed unless they had to pee or it was an emergency. We needed that time to just talk and watch tv and enjoy each other without kids climbing on us or demanding our attention. As our kids have gotten older, we have found other ways. We like to take weekend getaways or trips together. We have date nights. Sometimes we go out, sometimes we get a movie and go to our room and lock the door. Couple time is of ultimate importance in a marriage. You don't want to focus on your kids and jobs so much that you look up one day and see a stranger. Don't think that when the kids move out, you will suddenly reconnect and live happily ever after. You have to build on that relationship all the time and it is time consuming and hard but sooooo worth it.
Alone time
If you have been keeping up with my blog, you know about alone time already but I'll rehash it here briefly. Alone time is so important. My husband plays soccer on a rec league to get out and be his own self and I like to eat out with my friends. Sometimes I go in my room and read a book or get a movie I want to watch. My spouse goes on weekend soccer tournaments or plays poker online. We love to do things together but we need to make sure we don't lose who we are. I need time to just be LaShelle, to be called LaShelle and not mommy or wife (he calls me boo) and he needs the same. Some people need alone time more than others but make sure you are continuing to grow your own personality as you grow together with your spouse. Otherwise you are going to look up one day from your busy life and realize you don't even know who you are anymore. You may even do something drastic to find out where you went, like dye your hair a funny color and buy a convertible. Honestly, how does that possibly help? I mean, you are going to be just as old and lost in that car as you were in your minivan.
Communication
Communication is key to a marriage. Talking face to face is probably one of the most important but there are other ways. Text, email, write letters, call, give googly eyes across the table (kids especially love this one), and more. My husband and I call each other about every 2 hours throughout the day and when we get in bed, we talk for awhile before going to sleep. We can catch up on each others days and learn funny things that happened. When we are upset with each other we know right away because we talk so much. He can even tell if I am calling to say hi or calling because there is a problem or a question just by how I say hello. We get along great and can tell what the other is thinking because we have built up a communication base over our many years of marriage. Our kids love it when we just look at each other across the table and have a "conversation" without saying anything. We love to torture them with that by the way, try it, it's fun. If you don't have good communication in your marriage, start working on it. Don't wait for your spouse, take the initiative. You never know what good will happen if you just start talking.
I could keep going but I'll stop here. At least 50% of marriages in America end in divorce. I would much rather be part of the still married half of that percentage. When it comes to marriage, always keep your eyes 20 years ahead. What you do today will affect your life 20 years from now. If you work on your marriage daily, you will hopefully have a happy one later. If you are unhappy with how things are going now, change them. If your husband isn't the talkative type, find other ways to communicate. If your wife is unhappy and standoffish, love her gently until she comes around. Find ways to make each other happy because ultimately, when your spouse is happy, you are happy. Bringing my husband happiness gives me so much joy. You wouldn't think so because we humans are such selfish beings but try it. Do something nice. He or she may not notice right away, but they will eventually.
Ok, I'll stop here because it is "couples time" at our house. It's been a busy day and I am looking forward to hearing about his day and discussing what's going on tomorrow. Talk atcha later peeps. Oh, I almost forgot, what marriage tips do you have? What marriage problems have you overcome or would like to?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Sometimes
Sometimes I am a Democrat but most of the time I am a Republican. I can see the other side of an issue but it has to be pointed out to me.
Sometimes I am a free woman but most of the time I am a Mom. I can go somewhere alone and pretend I have no kids but they are always there, waiting for me. I can enjoy my moment alone but come home to what is comfortable and happy.
Sometimes I am a pop singer but most of the time I am an opera singer. I can go to karaoke and belt out Bon Jovi's Blaze of Glory and get a great applause. But when I sing "Think of Me" from Phantom of the Opera, I really wow the crowd. I have a classical voice but I can have my in the car moment of pop singing glory.
Sometimes I am a racist but most of the time I'm not. I have my moments where a hateful thought enters my mind and I have to think it through. Sometimes I have to ask someone else's opinion or share my thought. Something ingrained is hard to get out quickly. But knowing I have love in my heart for all people helps me out.
Sometimes I am a teenager but most of the time I am a grown up. I have my silly moments where I want to act silly and fun and wear funky shoes. My friend reminds me that I will never "win" against a teen, they've got it covered just fine.
Sometimes I cry but most of the time I don't. I have my days where everything hits me in a sad cryey way but most of the time I can handle it without tears.
Sometimes I am a fighter but most of the time I'm a wimp. Really. I just talk big : ) Unless you mess with my husband or kids, then I'll kick your a**.
Sometimes I am a race car driver but mostly I'm a good driver. Sometimes I see those little tiny cars that just need to feel the power of my 15 passenger van engine.
Sometimes I'm cool but most of the time I'm a nerd. No, no, don't everyone try to dispute me at once. Just kidding. I know I'm a nerd and I don't care. I do treasure those cool moments though...
Sometimes I'm grumpy but most of the time I'm not. I admit, the stress gets to me from time to time but I try to keep it as happy as I can.
Sometimes I'm a loner but most of the time I'm a people person. I treasure my alone time but I really shine in a crowd of people I know. I just love to talk!
Sometimes we are one thing but most of the time we are ourselves. Sometimes we have a crazy moment and it can be good, like wearing a pair of pink and black converse high top tennis shoes. (oh yes people, I do own and wear that pair of shoes) Sometimes we have a crazy moment and we've done something that has hurt another person or ourselves. Do we pretend it didn't happen? Do we act like they were the one in the wrong? No. We apologize and move on. Sometimes we're unforgiving but most of the time we're happy to forgive.
What are your sometimes?
Sometimes I am a free woman but most of the time I am a Mom. I can go somewhere alone and pretend I have no kids but they are always there, waiting for me. I can enjoy my moment alone but come home to what is comfortable and happy.
Sometimes I am a pop singer but most of the time I am an opera singer. I can go to karaoke and belt out Bon Jovi's Blaze of Glory and get a great applause. But when I sing "Think of Me" from Phantom of the Opera, I really wow the crowd. I have a classical voice but I can have my in the car moment of pop singing glory.
Sometimes I am a racist but most of the time I'm not. I have my moments where a hateful thought enters my mind and I have to think it through. Sometimes I have to ask someone else's opinion or share my thought. Something ingrained is hard to get out quickly. But knowing I have love in my heart for all people helps me out.
Sometimes I am a teenager but most of the time I am a grown up. I have my silly moments where I want to act silly and fun and wear funky shoes. My friend reminds me that I will never "win" against a teen, they've got it covered just fine.
Sometimes I cry but most of the time I don't. I have my days where everything hits me in a sad cryey way but most of the time I can handle it without tears.
Sometimes I am a fighter but most of the time I'm a wimp. Really. I just talk big : ) Unless you mess with my husband or kids, then I'll kick your a**.
Sometimes I am a race car driver but mostly I'm a good driver. Sometimes I see those little tiny cars that just need to feel the power of my 15 passenger van engine.
Sometimes I'm cool but most of the time I'm a nerd. No, no, don't everyone try to dispute me at once. Just kidding. I know I'm a nerd and I don't care. I do treasure those cool moments though...
Sometimes I'm grumpy but most of the time I'm not. I admit, the stress gets to me from time to time but I try to keep it as happy as I can.
Sometimes I'm a loner but most of the time I'm a people person. I treasure my alone time but I really shine in a crowd of people I know. I just love to talk!
Sometimes we are one thing but most of the time we are ourselves. Sometimes we have a crazy moment and it can be good, like wearing a pair of pink and black converse high top tennis shoes. (oh yes people, I do own and wear that pair of shoes) Sometimes we have a crazy moment and we've done something that has hurt another person or ourselves. Do we pretend it didn't happen? Do we act like they were the one in the wrong? No. We apologize and move on. Sometimes we're unforgiving but most of the time we're happy to forgive.
What are your sometimes?
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I'm blessed, I'm blessed, ooohhh I'm blessed
Today is my birthday and I am just so blessed; not just by all the birthday wishes I have already received on FB and in the mail, but just by my life in general. I decided to list a few blessings here, blessings that the Lord has decided to bestow upon me.
My husband - I just love that man
My children - each one so different and wonderful
My parents
My sister and her family
My house
My church
the fact that I can go to college free
the fact that I can go to college
a fridge full of food
drawers full of clothes
my van : )
sunshine
spring approaching
my extended family who loves me for who I am
my friends who do the same
my cat
another birthday to enjoy
the cheesecake I get to eat tonight!
the freedom to read my Bible and worship God as I choose
Govt officials who make decisions so I don't have to
Books to read
Games to play
Movies to watch
comedians
I can go on, but I think ya'll ge the point. What blessings in your life are you the most thankful for? How can we be discontent when we all have lists this long??
My husband - I just love that man
My children - each one so different and wonderful
My parents
My sister and her family
My house
My church
the fact that I can go to college free
the fact that I can go to college
a fridge full of food
drawers full of clothes
my van : )
sunshine
spring approaching
my extended family who loves me for who I am
my friends who do the same
my cat
another birthday to enjoy
the cheesecake I get to eat tonight!
the freedom to read my Bible and worship God as I choose
Govt officials who make decisions so I don't have to
Books to read
Games to play
Movies to watch
comedians
I can go on, but I think ya'll ge the point. What blessings in your life are you the most thankful for? How can we be discontent when we all have lists this long??
Friday, February 11, 2011
Ahhh, childhood color-blindness
My 9 year old is having her birthday party as I write this. She invited a bunch of her friends from school over to watch a movie and eat a ton of junk food. I am just loving watching them interact! There's the quiet one, the bossy one, the scared one (poor dog is locked downstairs), the shy one, the comfy in any situation one, and more. Each one is different and unique and they are all getting along. What I am enjoying most is the ethnic diversity and the fact that nobody cares! There are white girls, bi-racial girls, and black girls. They don't care about their skin tone right now, they only care about pizza and movies. They all get excited when another friend arrives and they bunch up on the couch to make room for the newcomer.
Why can't we stay like children forever, at least in our color blindness? Why do we grow up to care? Sigh.
Why can't we stay like children forever, at least in our color blindness? Why do we grow up to care? Sigh.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
I want what she's got...
I was asked to write a blog today by a faithful reader about curly hair. That was all I got, curly hair. I am going to take my own spin on that topic and we are going to discuss how we are discontent with our looks. Oooooohhhh, we're going to dig deep folks and get to the heart of a matter that has been going on for centuries and will continue to go on as long as people have bodies.
Growing up in the deep south in the 80's was a time of some pretty fabulous hairdos. "Big" was the name of the game. Also included were: ratted, fuzzy, curly, bangs, crimped, permed, and teased. Gel, hairspray, mousse, and curling irons were all a part of our daily hairdo regime. We got up hours before school to crimp, tease, spray, tease spray, curl, and spray some more. Rainy days were the end of the world. If the hair got wet, it would glue itself into a clump because of all the hair products. And worse, it would collapse and we were left with small, flat hair, God forbid! Unfortunately, I was born with thin, fine, straight hair. Even with a perm and extensive amounts of hairspray, my hair would not last more than a couple of hours. If I moved wrong, the whole thing would come crashing down. I hated my hair!! It never did what the other girls' hair seemed to do so effortlessly; defy gravity. I would cry and plead with God to miraculously change my hair overnight to curly, fuzzy hair that stood up like the other girls. Obviously, it never did (ya'll have seen my profile pic) That was a very unhappy time for me, I was extremely discontent with not just my hair, but my looks in general. My teeth were bucked and crooked, I wore glasses, and I had bad hair. I would beg God for an explanation but never received one. Or at least, I wasn't listening for the correct one which was, "I made you perfectly in my image". I only focused on the bad parts of my appearance. I am sure my parents attempted to lead me in the right direction and help me out, but nothing seemed to penetrate my hard head (with flat hair I might add).
Thankfully, the late 90's brought new exciting hairstyles which included flat, straight hair! Guess who was the first one to grow out her perm??? You got it! Me! I was loving the new look and trying out all different kinds of flat looks. I even shaved most of my head at one point and went with the "skater do". If you're not familiar, it's where you shave everything except for the top of your head. Even with the new hairdos, I still wasn't content with my looks. My legs were short, my hair had a cowlick that made it stick out funny, I had big feet. I mean, I could come up with a bunch of stuff. I completely ignored the good parts of me: no acne, my skin was flawless, nice lips, a great smile (once the braces came off), a funny personality, good grades in school, a good singing voice, etc. I knew I possessed those qualities but the bad overshadowed the good. I was extremely self conscious, that is, until I met my spouse.
Spouse (and yes, I do call him that to his face) loves me for me. He is constantly encouraging me, telling me how beautiful I am. He likes my hair, my skin, my short legs, my smile, even my jelly belly. He likes the things about me that I don't because they make me who I am. I was always so worried as a kid/teen that because I wasn't "perfect" no man would ever love me. Perfect, of course, by media's standards.
Fast forward to more recent years. I now have 5 gorgeous daughters with beautiful, thick, curly hair. Hair that I had always wanted!! I brush, braid, fluff, and love those curls. When they were babies, I would count their ringlets and wrap them around my fingers. Oh what joy! My daughters would certainly be happy with their big curly hair, right? It was the hair I saw as beautiful, not my straight stringy locks. But alas, it was not to be. "I hate my curly hair mom!! It's so hard to brush! Can't we have it straightened??" Do my ears deceive me?? Are my girls saying they are discontent with their looks? It cannot be! And yet, it was true. They want straight hair they can run their fingers through and brush. They want to easily change from one hairstyle to another with a quick hairbow. They don't want to have to keep it in braids overnight so it doesn't knot up. I tell my kids that I always wanted curly hair when I was a kid and they look at me like I'm crazy.
Why is it we humans are never content with what we have? I'm using hair as an example but you can fill in your own blank: cars, houses, weight, cell phone, boyfriend, family size, grades, clothes. We always want what the next person has and don't recognize the wonderful gift we have in what is already ours. There's a country song that talks about thanking God for unanswered prayers. He had prayed to marry this one girl and it didn't happen. He bumps into her years later and realizes what a gift he has in his current wife. Are we like that? Do we beg and plead for something that the Lord has obviously said no to? Or not right now? Are we content with His decision?
Sometimes my husband and I like to try and surprise our children with a great prize. They might ask to go to McDonalds and we say no because we know we are going to surprise them with Red Lobster. We are so happy to give our kids the prize of a wonderful dinner and then, what do we hear from the back of the van? "Awww, I really wanted to eat dinner out. I wanted to go to McDonalds. Why can't we go? Ya'll don't ever give us what we want. etc" My heart's response is to drive back home and give them pb&j and skip Red Lobster altogether. How many wonderful gifts do you think we might have missed out on because we complained of what we thought we wanted and didn't get?
Hebrews 13:5 says, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you". What a promise!! God will never leave us! I have read that verse over and over and I missed the promise! God will never leave me. He loves me, He made me in His image as a beautiful creation. He crafted me from the beginning and has molded and shaped me over time. He will never leave me, He will never turn His back on me. He wants to bless me with gifts and happiness. How could I not be content with that? Isn't what God wants for me going to be even better than anything I could want for myself?
What are you discontent about or have been discontent about in the past? How did God deal with your heart about it?
Growing up in the deep south in the 80's was a time of some pretty fabulous hairdos. "Big" was the name of the game. Also included were: ratted, fuzzy, curly, bangs, crimped, permed, and teased. Gel, hairspray, mousse, and curling irons were all a part of our daily hairdo regime. We got up hours before school to crimp, tease, spray, tease spray, curl, and spray some more. Rainy days were the end of the world. If the hair got wet, it would glue itself into a clump because of all the hair products. And worse, it would collapse and we were left with small, flat hair, God forbid! Unfortunately, I was born with thin, fine, straight hair. Even with a perm and extensive amounts of hairspray, my hair would not last more than a couple of hours. If I moved wrong, the whole thing would come crashing down. I hated my hair!! It never did what the other girls' hair seemed to do so effortlessly; defy gravity. I would cry and plead with God to miraculously change my hair overnight to curly, fuzzy hair that stood up like the other girls. Obviously, it never did (ya'll have seen my profile pic) That was a very unhappy time for me, I was extremely discontent with not just my hair, but my looks in general. My teeth were bucked and crooked, I wore glasses, and I had bad hair. I would beg God for an explanation but never received one. Or at least, I wasn't listening for the correct one which was, "I made you perfectly in my image". I only focused on the bad parts of my appearance. I am sure my parents attempted to lead me in the right direction and help me out, but nothing seemed to penetrate my hard head (with flat hair I might add).
Thankfully, the late 90's brought new exciting hairstyles which included flat, straight hair! Guess who was the first one to grow out her perm??? You got it! Me! I was loving the new look and trying out all different kinds of flat looks. I even shaved most of my head at one point and went with the "skater do". If you're not familiar, it's where you shave everything except for the top of your head. Even with the new hairdos, I still wasn't content with my looks. My legs were short, my hair had a cowlick that made it stick out funny, I had big feet. I mean, I could come up with a bunch of stuff. I completely ignored the good parts of me: no acne, my skin was flawless, nice lips, a great smile (once the braces came off), a funny personality, good grades in school, a good singing voice, etc. I knew I possessed those qualities but the bad overshadowed the good. I was extremely self conscious, that is, until I met my spouse.
Spouse (and yes, I do call him that to his face) loves me for me. He is constantly encouraging me, telling me how beautiful I am. He likes my hair, my skin, my short legs, my smile, even my jelly belly. He likes the things about me that I don't because they make me who I am. I was always so worried as a kid/teen that because I wasn't "perfect" no man would ever love me. Perfect, of course, by media's standards.
Fast forward to more recent years. I now have 5 gorgeous daughters with beautiful, thick, curly hair. Hair that I had always wanted!! I brush, braid, fluff, and love those curls. When they were babies, I would count their ringlets and wrap them around my fingers. Oh what joy! My daughters would certainly be happy with their big curly hair, right? It was the hair I saw as beautiful, not my straight stringy locks. But alas, it was not to be. "I hate my curly hair mom!! It's so hard to brush! Can't we have it straightened??" Do my ears deceive me?? Are my girls saying they are discontent with their looks? It cannot be! And yet, it was true. They want straight hair they can run their fingers through and brush. They want to easily change from one hairstyle to another with a quick hairbow. They don't want to have to keep it in braids overnight so it doesn't knot up. I tell my kids that I always wanted curly hair when I was a kid and they look at me like I'm crazy.
Why is it we humans are never content with what we have? I'm using hair as an example but you can fill in your own blank: cars, houses, weight, cell phone, boyfriend, family size, grades, clothes. We always want what the next person has and don't recognize the wonderful gift we have in what is already ours. There's a country song that talks about thanking God for unanswered prayers. He had prayed to marry this one girl and it didn't happen. He bumps into her years later and realizes what a gift he has in his current wife. Are we like that? Do we beg and plead for something that the Lord has obviously said no to? Or not right now? Are we content with His decision?
Sometimes my husband and I like to try and surprise our children with a great prize. They might ask to go to McDonalds and we say no because we know we are going to surprise them with Red Lobster. We are so happy to give our kids the prize of a wonderful dinner and then, what do we hear from the back of the van? "Awww, I really wanted to eat dinner out. I wanted to go to McDonalds. Why can't we go? Ya'll don't ever give us what we want. etc" My heart's response is to drive back home and give them pb&j and skip Red Lobster altogether. How many wonderful gifts do you think we might have missed out on because we complained of what we thought we wanted and didn't get?
Hebrews 13:5 says, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you". What a promise!! God will never leave us! I have read that verse over and over and I missed the promise! God will never leave me. He loves me, He made me in His image as a beautiful creation. He crafted me from the beginning and has molded and shaped me over time. He will never leave me, He will never turn His back on me. He wants to bless me with gifts and happiness. How could I not be content with that? Isn't what God wants for me going to be even better than anything I could want for myself?
What are you discontent about or have been discontent about in the past? How did God deal with your heart about it?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Illegal Immigrants (oh yes I did)
Today's post is going to be a little touchy. I am not going to necessarily post my opinion but I would like to hear yours. Today I went to Annapolis to represent my community college for Student Advocacy Day. We got to meet several delegates and senators and hear their viewpoints on several different topics. We mostly discussed funding for community colleges but, which I found interesting, some delegates/senators brought up illegal immigration without us asking. Apparently (I live in a hole I guess) there is a debate going on about whether illegal children who grow up in the American public school system should be given state or federal grants to go to college. These are children who were not born in America, their parents are here illegally therefore putting their children in an interesting position. They have been raised here in the US, gone to US public schools, some have been given special care so they could learn English, they have hung out with their friends, and are now faced with the decision to go to college. Legal students fill out a FAFSA to see if they qualify for grants but because illegals do not have a social security number or visa/green card number, they do not necessarily qualify. My question is, "Should they be given the same opportunity for grants as legals?" Here were the 2 main viewpoints of the politicians today.
Yes
These children have grown up in the public school system, how could we possibly let them down? They have done nothing wrong, it is their parent's "sin" why should they be punished?
No
These children are here illegally and should not be given any money that should rightfully be given to American children. Our money should be supporting our own kids.
Here are a couple of points that came out in discussion today:
* More money is spent on these kids in the public school system because they need translators and special English language lessons. This money could be better spent elsewhere.
* Who is to say that if we pay for them to have a college education they are going to be able to work here in the US to "pay back" to society?
* If they are here illegally then even if they graduate from college they cannot work here legally.
Now, the subject of illegal immigration has been going on for decades, but this is a new spin on it. Please do not spout off on immigration, I want to hear about putting these children through college. I had never thought about illegal immigrants having children and how those kids could be affected by a decision made by their parents. Keep in mind that alot of these kids have been here for years and may be freinds with your own kids. They may not know another life except one here in the US.
And don't worry, most of my blogs will not be politically oriented. My trip to Annapolis has given me food for thought : )
Yes
These children have grown up in the public school system, how could we possibly let them down? They have done nothing wrong, it is their parent's "sin" why should they be punished?
No
These children are here illegally and should not be given any money that should rightfully be given to American children. Our money should be supporting our own kids.
Here are a couple of points that came out in discussion today:
* More money is spent on these kids in the public school system because they need translators and special English language lessons. This money could be better spent elsewhere.
* Who is to say that if we pay for them to have a college education they are going to be able to work here in the US to "pay back" to society?
* If they are here illegally then even if they graduate from college they cannot work here legally.
Now, the subject of illegal immigration has been going on for decades, but this is a new spin on it. Please do not spout off on immigration, I want to hear about putting these children through college. I had never thought about illegal immigrants having children and how those kids could be affected by a decision made by their parents. Keep in mind that alot of these kids have been here for years and may be freinds with your own kids. They may not know another life except one here in the US.
And don't worry, most of my blogs will not be politically oriented. My trip to Annapolis has given me food for thought : )
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Take It Outside!
I would like to discuss a subject with you all and I am sure that each of you has a totally different opinion. In every school, home, rec center, etc fights occur. Some are vicious and cause personal injury and some are words that can hurt feelings. They can be caused by name calling, boy/girl friend stealing, jealousy, insecurity, somebody looked at you wrong, and many others. The question I am posing today is, "What advice do you give your children in the event of a fight?" I asked my kids this question last night and I got 6 different answers. I am going to pose some suggestions here and then we are going to see what Scripture says.
Don't start a fight but you better finish it!
This is the advice I received from my dad as a kid. I was not supposed to start anything but if anybody hit me first, I was supposed to pound them into the ground. This never happened so I never got to show off my mad fighting skills.
Just walk away
A lot of moms give this advice, we encourage our children to stay away from fighting altogether. I think this is great advice but what happens if someone hits your kid? If they try to walk away, the kid may hit them in the back and they have no chance to defend themselves.
Tell an adult
Ok, I have 2 thoughts here. One of my kids said, "That's being a snitch!". Snitching is becoming more and more a problem in schools today, maybe even in society. Kids don't want to tell because the repercussions of snitching are worse than the initial problem. Having an issue with one kid is one thing, being teased by a whole class because you snitched is another.
Another of my kids said, "Go get a teacher". Scenario: Bad kid hits good kid. Good kid says, "Hold what you got, I am going to tell an adult" Whatever. The bad kid is going to beat the crap out of the good kid and never give them a chance to tell anyone. What do you tell your child then?
Also, what happens if the adult that is told doesn't do what they are supposed to do? What if by telling the situation gets worse?
Use your words
People who say that generally use nicer words than their opponent. It's not fair footing. Your child or even yourself might be saying, "Let's not fight, let's try to work this out, I don't have a problem with you" etc. The other person is already taking their earrings out and handing their purse to a friend while calling you all sorts of vile names.
Grab a weapon
I heard this one recently and had to laugh. What do you do if you get into a fight? Grab a bigger weapon than your enemy has. What are you, a professional wrestler? Gonna beat him up with a folding chair? No wait, you're Crocodile Dundee, "That's not a knife, this is a knife!" Someone is going to end up suspended, arrested, and/or seriously injured.
Now before you start thinking about when you should fight like that, let me just say that I am basing most of this on fighting going on in schools. Im not talking about home invasions or street robbery or whatever.
Turn the other cheek
This is what Christian parents want to say, and sometimes we do, but on the other hand, we don't want our kids getting beat up. Our kids need to fit in, be cool, right? They can't be cool if they're getting smacked around.
One of my daughters came home yesterday and asked me if she would get in trouble if she got in a fight at school. I just kind of looked at her and said that it would depend on the cause of the fight. We talked back and forth for a minute and here is what came out of it. She told me that some girl was jealous of her and has been calling her names, really stupid names I might add. She was curious as to what my opinion would be if the situation escalated to a fight. Here's what I said based on Matthew 5:38-42. You can look it up but it is the eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, turn the other cheek etc. I said that the Bible tells us someone can hit us twice. After that, there are no further instructions. I suggested to her that if someone were to hit her she should calmly tell the person she doesn't want to fight. If the person were to hit her again, she should again say that she doesn't want to fight. If she goes to hit her a third time, defend herself. Try not to actually fight, but certainly defend yourself from blows. In my opinion, and it could be very wrong, most kids will not hit a person a third time if the person hasn't hit them back. It would be a loss of face to fight an undefensive person. They would look more "cool" if they could beat the other person up in a fist to fist fight. They just look mean and horrible if they are smacking a person who won't hit back. We also talked about how Jesus spoke over and over about keeping peace and loving your neighbor. Are you going to beat up some kid and then invite them to your youth group? How can you possibly show the love of Christ to someone you are fighting with?
So people, whatcha got. I want to hear the advice you have received or given. I want to hear situations in which you were in a fight and a certain strategy worked. I want to hear about your experiences so that we can glean from each other. Remember, we need to use our words!
Don't start a fight but you better finish it!
This is the advice I received from my dad as a kid. I was not supposed to start anything but if anybody hit me first, I was supposed to pound them into the ground. This never happened so I never got to show off my mad fighting skills.
Just walk away
A lot of moms give this advice, we encourage our children to stay away from fighting altogether. I think this is great advice but what happens if someone hits your kid? If they try to walk away, the kid may hit them in the back and they have no chance to defend themselves.
Tell an adult
Ok, I have 2 thoughts here. One of my kids said, "That's being a snitch!". Snitching is becoming more and more a problem in schools today, maybe even in society. Kids don't want to tell because the repercussions of snitching are worse than the initial problem. Having an issue with one kid is one thing, being teased by a whole class because you snitched is another.
Another of my kids said, "Go get a teacher". Scenario: Bad kid hits good kid. Good kid says, "Hold what you got, I am going to tell an adult" Whatever. The bad kid is going to beat the crap out of the good kid and never give them a chance to tell anyone. What do you tell your child then?
Also, what happens if the adult that is told doesn't do what they are supposed to do? What if by telling the situation gets worse?
Use your words
People who say that generally use nicer words than their opponent. It's not fair footing. Your child or even yourself might be saying, "Let's not fight, let's try to work this out, I don't have a problem with you" etc. The other person is already taking their earrings out and handing their purse to a friend while calling you all sorts of vile names.
Grab a weapon
I heard this one recently and had to laugh. What do you do if you get into a fight? Grab a bigger weapon than your enemy has. What are you, a professional wrestler? Gonna beat him up with a folding chair? No wait, you're Crocodile Dundee, "That's not a knife, this is a knife!" Someone is going to end up suspended, arrested, and/or seriously injured.
Now before you start thinking about when you should fight like that, let me just say that I am basing most of this on fighting going on in schools. Im not talking about home invasions or street robbery or whatever.
Turn the other cheek
This is what Christian parents want to say, and sometimes we do, but on the other hand, we don't want our kids getting beat up. Our kids need to fit in, be cool, right? They can't be cool if they're getting smacked around.
One of my daughters came home yesterday and asked me if she would get in trouble if she got in a fight at school. I just kind of looked at her and said that it would depend on the cause of the fight. We talked back and forth for a minute and here is what came out of it. She told me that some girl was jealous of her and has been calling her names, really stupid names I might add. She was curious as to what my opinion would be if the situation escalated to a fight. Here's what I said based on Matthew 5:38-42. You can look it up but it is the eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, turn the other cheek etc. I said that the Bible tells us someone can hit us twice. After that, there are no further instructions. I suggested to her that if someone were to hit her she should calmly tell the person she doesn't want to fight. If the person were to hit her again, she should again say that she doesn't want to fight. If she goes to hit her a third time, defend herself. Try not to actually fight, but certainly defend yourself from blows. In my opinion, and it could be very wrong, most kids will not hit a person a third time if the person hasn't hit them back. It would be a loss of face to fight an undefensive person. They would look more "cool" if they could beat the other person up in a fist to fist fight. They just look mean and horrible if they are smacking a person who won't hit back. We also talked about how Jesus spoke over and over about keeping peace and loving your neighbor. Are you going to beat up some kid and then invite them to your youth group? How can you possibly show the love of Christ to someone you are fighting with?
So people, whatcha got. I want to hear the advice you have received or given. I want to hear situations in which you were in a fight and a certain strategy worked. I want to hear about your experiences so that we can glean from each other. Remember, we need to use our words!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Thank you
I only have a few minutes today as I am on my way to my sociology class. I just wanted to say thank you to all who have been reading my blog. This is a whole new adventure for me and not only am I enjoying writing but I am enjoying listening to all your feeback. The FB comments are fabulous, I love reading what is put in the "comments" box, and the face to face encouragements. I had no idea so many people were reading this blog! I am looking forward to continuing and hope that I can keep all of you entertained!
With sincerest regards,
LaShelle
With sincerest regards,
LaShelle
Friday, February 4, 2011
Warning: Disgusting blog ahead
If you have any kind of respect for me, don't read any further. If you have known me for more than 10 years, read on. If you are now intrigued then read this warning, "This post containst flatulence, if you are going to take this seriously, stop reading now". Ok, I have done my best to warn all of you.
My husband came home from work yesterday with some horrible gas and it got me thinking of the types of gas and how it is delivered. Then it got me thinking about all the society no-nos and why are they no-nos. I'm going to list a few here and ya'll are going to get a whole new education on the upbringing and life of LaShelle : )
The Barking Spider
I don't know about ya'll, but there was a big one of these at my house when I was growing up. I never actually saw it, thank goodness, but it was loud and it stank. My dad must have seen it alot because he was constantly blaming it for all the noises that seemed to come from under his seat.
SBD
For those of you who had normal parents or friends, you may not know what those 3 letters stand for. Silent but deadly. Those silent toots that are death bringers. My husband is known for these. He lets one out then waits for the reaction. For the kids, it's usually, "Ohh, what is that smell? Ugh, that is so disgusting!" while they are looking around. When they see the glee on their dad's face, a lot of yelling and running ensues. "Oh dad, why are you so gross! Are you trying to kill us?" etc etc
He also likes doing this at work to his work buddies. He comes home with a smile on his face and this comment, "I had horrible gas today" (remember the smile on his face) He will fart in a public place and when someone around makes a face and starts looking around, spouse will point to one of his work buddies and shake his head. Where does he get this behavior?
The Dutch Oven
Some of you men are probably nodding your heads and thinking, "Yup, dutch ovens are great! Haha" To those of you people who don't know what a dutch oven is, it's when you toot under the covers and then pull the covers up over your spouse's head, trapping them in the stench. Now, I didn't use the terms man and woman here because, and I say this with pride, I have gotten my husband once or twice. I don't pull the covers up over his head though. I just let out a silent one and then shift, letting it waft up out of the covers right into his face. The last time this happened, it went right into his mouth. HAHAHAHAHAHA "Ugh, I can taste it! Oh, you are awful! Eww cough cough" Oh friends, it was fabulous.
Come Here Kids, I want to show you something
There are several versions of this but I want to share with you what my uncle used to do to us, and probably still would if we would fall for it. He would get real quiet and summon us all over. He would say, "You hear that?" and then lean over and fart. Then he, and all my uncles, would laugh hysterically as us kids would run away screaming.
I'm sure there are more but I need to cover some other things. You can comment about your favorite fart attacks on FB or below.
Farting in front of your spouse
I know someone who will not fart in front of her husband. She farts in front of me but not in front of her husband. Is that common? In my family, farting in front of your boyfriend or spouse is the ultimate form of acceptance. You are truly in and loved if you can fart openly. When my uncle and aunt met, my uncle knew my aunt was the "one" when he farted and she didn't leave him. Can you ever truly be comfortable with someone if they know you fart? Will husbands leave if they think their wives fart? I don't know.
Farting in public
Most people do not willingly fart in public, it just happens. There are usually 2 responses to the public fart. Either they ignore it and just keep talking or walking or whatever. I prefer this method while trying not to blush. Or, they say sorry, blush madly, and then keep going. The funny thing, especially if it's you, is watching people's expressions. I accidentally farted in front of a friend once and just kept talking. Her eyes popped open but then she caught herself and blankfaced. It was hysterical.
Again, I know there are more, please add in at the bottom.
A couple other things I would like to touch on are nose picking and burping. Everybody (with the exception of one of my kids) picks their nose. Kids pick them and wipe them places, adults pick and fling, some people use napkins at the dinner table (you know who you are). We see people picking while driving, hmm, do you think they will ban that like they did texting? I mean, if you are picking then both hands are not on the wheel. I would love to see that commercial, haha.
Burping in public in America is a huge taboo. My husband sees it as an art form, especially in parking lots. He will burp as loud as he can and then pull me close. I am not easily embarassed but this one gets me. He burps in restaurants and in the car. The car ones are the worst because they stink like whatever he ate earlier. Ugh, I hate those.
So now that I have lost all my followers and maybe gained a few new ones, what do ya'll think? What horrible experience with farting or burping shaped you as a child? Did it make you a better person?
My husband came home from work yesterday with some horrible gas and it got me thinking of the types of gas and how it is delivered. Then it got me thinking about all the society no-nos and why are they no-nos. I'm going to list a few here and ya'll are going to get a whole new education on the upbringing and life of LaShelle : )
The Barking Spider
I don't know about ya'll, but there was a big one of these at my house when I was growing up. I never actually saw it, thank goodness, but it was loud and it stank. My dad must have seen it alot because he was constantly blaming it for all the noises that seemed to come from under his seat.
SBD
For those of you who had normal parents or friends, you may not know what those 3 letters stand for. Silent but deadly. Those silent toots that are death bringers. My husband is known for these. He lets one out then waits for the reaction. For the kids, it's usually, "Ohh, what is that smell? Ugh, that is so disgusting!" while they are looking around. When they see the glee on their dad's face, a lot of yelling and running ensues. "Oh dad, why are you so gross! Are you trying to kill us?" etc etc
He also likes doing this at work to his work buddies. He comes home with a smile on his face and this comment, "I had horrible gas today" (remember the smile on his face) He will fart in a public place and when someone around makes a face and starts looking around, spouse will point to one of his work buddies and shake his head. Where does he get this behavior?
The Dutch Oven
Some of you men are probably nodding your heads and thinking, "Yup, dutch ovens are great! Haha" To those of you people who don't know what a dutch oven is, it's when you toot under the covers and then pull the covers up over your spouse's head, trapping them in the stench. Now, I didn't use the terms man and woman here because, and I say this with pride, I have gotten my husband once or twice. I don't pull the covers up over his head though. I just let out a silent one and then shift, letting it waft up out of the covers right into his face. The last time this happened, it went right into his mouth. HAHAHAHAHAHA "Ugh, I can taste it! Oh, you are awful! Eww cough cough" Oh friends, it was fabulous.
Come Here Kids, I want to show you something
There are several versions of this but I want to share with you what my uncle used to do to us, and probably still would if we would fall for it. He would get real quiet and summon us all over. He would say, "You hear that?" and then lean over and fart. Then he, and all my uncles, would laugh hysterically as us kids would run away screaming.
I'm sure there are more but I need to cover some other things. You can comment about your favorite fart attacks on FB or below.
Farting in front of your spouse
I know someone who will not fart in front of her husband. She farts in front of me but not in front of her husband. Is that common? In my family, farting in front of your boyfriend or spouse is the ultimate form of acceptance. You are truly in and loved if you can fart openly. When my uncle and aunt met, my uncle knew my aunt was the "one" when he farted and she didn't leave him. Can you ever truly be comfortable with someone if they know you fart? Will husbands leave if they think their wives fart? I don't know.
Farting in public
Most people do not willingly fart in public, it just happens. There are usually 2 responses to the public fart. Either they ignore it and just keep talking or walking or whatever. I prefer this method while trying not to blush. Or, they say sorry, blush madly, and then keep going. The funny thing, especially if it's you, is watching people's expressions. I accidentally farted in front of a friend once and just kept talking. Her eyes popped open but then she caught herself and blankfaced. It was hysterical.
Again, I know there are more, please add in at the bottom.
A couple other things I would like to touch on are nose picking and burping. Everybody (with the exception of one of my kids) picks their nose. Kids pick them and wipe them places, adults pick and fling, some people use napkins at the dinner table (you know who you are). We see people picking while driving, hmm, do you think they will ban that like they did texting? I mean, if you are picking then both hands are not on the wheel. I would love to see that commercial, haha.
Burping in public in America is a huge taboo. My husband sees it as an art form, especially in parking lots. He will burp as loud as he can and then pull me close. I am not easily embarassed but this one gets me. He burps in restaurants and in the car. The car ones are the worst because they stink like whatever he ate earlier. Ugh, I hate those.
So now that I have lost all my followers and maybe gained a few new ones, what do ya'll think? What horrible experience with farting or burping shaped you as a child? Did it make you a better person?
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Fighting over stupid stuff
How many of you have been in a fight? Do you remember now what the fight was about? Are you still friends with that person? I'm just curious. I have a few kids and they tend to get into arguments and usually, it is about the dumbest thing. "He's sitting on my foot" "He's looking over the top bunk at me" "She is staring at me" "She took the last of the noodles and I wanted them and she had 3 helpings and I only had 1 and now I'm still hungry" Some of those are tattlers but if not taken care of, can turn into a shouting match. Then folded arms and mean looks and a general grumpiness ensues. I am going to tell you a story of the stupidest fight my husband and I ever got into and the awesome advice I got from my bff that ended up changing my whole marriage.
My parents are wonderful grandparents and take all of our kids at least once if not twice a year so that my husband and I can have some alone time. Several years ago, wow, probably close to 10 years now, my parents came into town to watch the girls in their ballet recital. The plan was to watch the recital and then my folks would leave with the kids. We had a nice weekend being very busy with the recital, rehearsals, packing, and cleaning. Eric and I waved the kids out the door and wiped our sweaty brows. Now was Our time : ) I went to the kitchen to clean up lunch and noticed that someone (not naming names here but I'm pretty sure it was my mom) had overfilled the trash can. Spouse hates taking out the trash and he absolutely won't do it if it's overfilled. I nicely asked him to take it out and he refused, blaming me for it being overfilled. Well, I hadn't overfilled it and I hated doing trash. I do everything else around here! (lol jk) So, a standoff began and lasted for 3 days. Yes people, 3 days. We didn't speak to each other, touch, look at, nothing. I called my bff and told her of my horrible husband who was ruining our kidless week. She was real quiet for a minute then she said, "So, you're going to get to the end of this week, having no fun whatsoever, over trash?" Welllllll, I hadn't looked at it that way. Did I really want to waste the one week a year I got alone with my spouse over stupid trash? NO! I took the trash out. He noticed. He kissed me and said, "Was that so hard?" and because I didn't stamp on his toes and stomp off, the standoff was broken. The rest of our kidless week was wonderful.
Now, whenever we start disagreeing over something, I think to myself, "Do I want to waste precious loving time over this discussion/disagreement? Is this a "trash" argument?" If it's not that important, I give in. For me, this was a pride issue. I didn't know it at the time but it definitely was pride. I was not willing to take out the trash because it was not my job, I hadn't overfilled the can, I had been wronged by others, etc. Whatever, I wasn't taking out the trash because I was being a proud woman who was willing to put something ahead of her husband's happiness. I was proud and selfish.
Those 3 days were horrible but boy did I learn a good lesson from them. I learned to put my husband's happiness ahead of my own. I learned that there are big things and little things and which is more important to fight about. I learned that marriage is about being humble and unselfish and loving somebody more than you love yourself.
Now when my kids argue over something, I take them aside and say, "Is all this drama really worth it? Is not having a second helping of noodles really worth tears? No? Then let it go. Love your sibling enough to let it go and eat something else." Next time you and your spouse, bff, kid, whomever get into a fight, think to yourself, "Is it worth it? Is this a trash argument?" Your time, energy, and emotions can almost always be better spent on something more important. Like blogging! LOL, I crack myself up.
My parents are wonderful grandparents and take all of our kids at least once if not twice a year so that my husband and I can have some alone time. Several years ago, wow, probably close to 10 years now, my parents came into town to watch the girls in their ballet recital. The plan was to watch the recital and then my folks would leave with the kids. We had a nice weekend being very busy with the recital, rehearsals, packing, and cleaning. Eric and I waved the kids out the door and wiped our sweaty brows. Now was Our time : ) I went to the kitchen to clean up lunch and noticed that someone (not naming names here but I'm pretty sure it was my mom) had overfilled the trash can. Spouse hates taking out the trash and he absolutely won't do it if it's overfilled. I nicely asked him to take it out and he refused, blaming me for it being overfilled. Well, I hadn't overfilled it and I hated doing trash. I do everything else around here! (lol jk) So, a standoff began and lasted for 3 days. Yes people, 3 days. We didn't speak to each other, touch, look at, nothing. I called my bff and told her of my horrible husband who was ruining our kidless week. She was real quiet for a minute then she said, "So, you're going to get to the end of this week, having no fun whatsoever, over trash?" Welllllll, I hadn't looked at it that way. Did I really want to waste the one week a year I got alone with my spouse over stupid trash? NO! I took the trash out. He noticed. He kissed me and said, "Was that so hard?" and because I didn't stamp on his toes and stomp off, the standoff was broken. The rest of our kidless week was wonderful.
Now, whenever we start disagreeing over something, I think to myself, "Do I want to waste precious loving time over this discussion/disagreement? Is this a "trash" argument?" If it's not that important, I give in. For me, this was a pride issue. I didn't know it at the time but it definitely was pride. I was not willing to take out the trash because it was not my job, I hadn't overfilled the can, I had been wronged by others, etc. Whatever, I wasn't taking out the trash because I was being a proud woman who was willing to put something ahead of her husband's happiness. I was proud and selfish.
Those 3 days were horrible but boy did I learn a good lesson from them. I learned to put my husband's happiness ahead of my own. I learned that there are big things and little things and which is more important to fight about. I learned that marriage is about being humble and unselfish and loving somebody more than you love yourself.
Now when my kids argue over something, I take them aside and say, "Is all this drama really worth it? Is not having a second helping of noodles really worth tears? No? Then let it go. Love your sibling enough to let it go and eat something else." Next time you and your spouse, bff, kid, whomever get into a fight, think to yourself, "Is it worth it? Is this a trash argument?" Your time, energy, and emotions can almost always be better spent on something more important. Like blogging! LOL, I crack myself up.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Giving credit where credit is due
When my first was born, everywhere we went people told me how beautiful she was. She had dark curly hair and big chubby cheeks. She was so happy and smiley, just a beautiful baby. People would tell me she should be a model or a beauty queen. (Before all my other kids get mad, all of you were beautiful but I have a point I'm getting to.) (My kids read this blog) I would always smile and say thank you, like I had something to do with her beauty. Hadn't I created this child? Hadn't my husband and I put our fabulous genes together and made this little beauty? Ummm no. God created that baby and he put our genes together in such a fashion to create that little darling. But I took the credit, I said thanks and smiled and walked away. I never had a second thought about it and I took it as a great compliment that I had a good-looking child. How many of us take our kids good looks as a credit to ourselves? It took a few kids before I realized that our genes could have just as easily turn out an ugly child. Not ugly to us of course, but in other people's eyes. Would I then take the credit for that? Or would I blame some past generation?
Now you might be thinking, "Well, my kid looks just like me and people say she's a cutie so doesn't that make me a cutie? and then yes, I did have something to do with her good looks". Yes, that's all true but doesn't God ultimately get the credit for taking the good in you and putting it into something even more beautiful? Without His good creating skills, we wouldn't have any babies.
Let me go on. After I realized that God should receive the credit for my kids' good looks, I tried to think of something else that I could take credit for. Aha! My kids good behavior! I can take the credit for that one. I can't tell you how many times people have told me how well-behaved my kids are. We even received money to buy ice cream from a lady at Chik-fil-a once because the kids were being so good. The kids are so well behaved because of my great disciplining skills, right? I mean, all the time it takes me to correct them and teach them how to behave. All the crying and yelling and not spanking because that would be against the law (cough cough) and time outs and threatening, I get that credit right? Wrong! Didn't the Lord give me the strength to make it through each disciplining moment? Didn't He impart to me the wisdom to discern my children's hearts? He gave me a husband to give even more wisdom and calmness to "learning moments". He gave me pastors, books, parents, and friends to share their wisdom and insight. Ok, so God gets the credit for my well-behaved kids. Maybe...
I know, my kids are well dressed! I can definitely take the credit for, hmm, wait a minute, I don't buy my kids clothes. People give me clothes and my extended family takes care of the rest. Dang it, God provides that too. Hmm
My good marriage!! Yes! Finally something I can take credit for! Except, my marriage isn't good just because I am so fabulous. My husband is a good man and we have good friends and family who have given us advice. We have parents who have both stayed married for 40+ years to set a good example for us. We have grandparents and aunts and uncles who pray for us to stay connected. I guess God set that in motion too. Man, He is everywhere!
Do ya'll see where I am going with this? In every single aspect and area of our lives, God has a hand. Whether it is directly or indirectly, He has intricately woven our life together. All the good and perfect things are a gift from Him and He should receive credit. Maybe you're saying, "Well if God gets credit for the good, He should get credit for the bad too." Well, let's think about it for a minute. Think about a bad moment in your life and what caused it. Let's say you got an illness volunteering in a hospital. Should you blame God for that? Well, getting sick is bad but sometimes good can come out of it. I have had bad moments in my life, tons of them. And for the most part, I can look back and see a lesson I learned or how I can now relate to somebody else. I was a teenage mom and at the time it was all happening, life was pretty bad. My parents and I weren't getting along real well, I was working through morning sickness, I had to graduate pregnant, etc. Getting pregnant was my own darn fault but through that experience, I have been able to encourage and help so many other young people. I can impart wisdom to my teen daughters. Yes, the situation was bad but God made it good. He took my sin and shame and gave me righteousness instead. Ok, I'm rambling now but ya'll get the point. Go back to that bad moment you thought of earlier and see what you learned. What advice can you now give to somebody else because you had to go through that experience? Maybe nothing just yet, maybe it is too fresh. God has a plan though. Always keep in mind that He has a plan and it's a good one.
So, the next time you get a compliment, give God the glory. Oh, what beautiful children you have! Why thank you, isn't God an awesome creator? Your kids are so well behaved. Thanks, God gives me the wisdom and strength each day to take care of them. Wow, you are an amazing beautiful person. (I get this all the time by the way) (Ok, just kidding) Thanks, God has molded my character through my life experiences. Sometimes a quick, "God is good" is enough. God should always get credit where credit is due.
Now you might be thinking, "Well, my kid looks just like me and people say she's a cutie so doesn't that make me a cutie? and then yes, I did have something to do with her good looks". Yes, that's all true but doesn't God ultimately get the credit for taking the good in you and putting it into something even more beautiful? Without His good creating skills, we wouldn't have any babies.
Let me go on. After I realized that God should receive the credit for my kids' good looks, I tried to think of something else that I could take credit for. Aha! My kids good behavior! I can take the credit for that one. I can't tell you how many times people have told me how well-behaved my kids are. We even received money to buy ice cream from a lady at Chik-fil-a once because the kids were being so good. The kids are so well behaved because of my great disciplining skills, right? I mean, all the time it takes me to correct them and teach them how to behave. All the crying and yelling and not spanking because that would be against the law (cough cough) and time outs and threatening, I get that credit right? Wrong! Didn't the Lord give me the strength to make it through each disciplining moment? Didn't He impart to me the wisdom to discern my children's hearts? He gave me a husband to give even more wisdom and calmness to "learning moments". He gave me pastors, books, parents, and friends to share their wisdom and insight. Ok, so God gets the credit for my well-behaved kids. Maybe...
I know, my kids are well dressed! I can definitely take the credit for, hmm, wait a minute, I don't buy my kids clothes. People give me clothes and my extended family takes care of the rest. Dang it, God provides that too. Hmm
My good marriage!! Yes! Finally something I can take credit for! Except, my marriage isn't good just because I am so fabulous. My husband is a good man and we have good friends and family who have given us advice. We have parents who have both stayed married for 40+ years to set a good example for us. We have grandparents and aunts and uncles who pray for us to stay connected. I guess God set that in motion too. Man, He is everywhere!
Do ya'll see where I am going with this? In every single aspect and area of our lives, God has a hand. Whether it is directly or indirectly, He has intricately woven our life together. All the good and perfect things are a gift from Him and He should receive credit. Maybe you're saying, "Well if God gets credit for the good, He should get credit for the bad too." Well, let's think about it for a minute. Think about a bad moment in your life and what caused it. Let's say you got an illness volunteering in a hospital. Should you blame God for that? Well, getting sick is bad but sometimes good can come out of it. I have had bad moments in my life, tons of them. And for the most part, I can look back and see a lesson I learned or how I can now relate to somebody else. I was a teenage mom and at the time it was all happening, life was pretty bad. My parents and I weren't getting along real well, I was working through morning sickness, I had to graduate pregnant, etc. Getting pregnant was my own darn fault but through that experience, I have been able to encourage and help so many other young people. I can impart wisdom to my teen daughters. Yes, the situation was bad but God made it good. He took my sin and shame and gave me righteousness instead. Ok, I'm rambling now but ya'll get the point. Go back to that bad moment you thought of earlier and see what you learned. What advice can you now give to somebody else because you had to go through that experience? Maybe nothing just yet, maybe it is too fresh. God has a plan though. Always keep in mind that He has a plan and it's a good one.
So, the next time you get a compliment, give God the glory. Oh, what beautiful children you have! Why thank you, isn't God an awesome creator? Your kids are so well behaved. Thanks, God gives me the wisdom and strength each day to take care of them. Wow, you are an amazing beautiful person. (I get this all the time by the way) (Ok, just kidding) Thanks, God has molded my character through my life experiences. Sometimes a quick, "God is good" is enough. God should always get credit where credit is due.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Inter-racial relationships
This blog comes with a warning, "Some content in this blog may offend you, please read with an open mind". Ok folks, today I would like to touch on bi-racial or inter-racial relationships. White-Black, Asian-White, Asian-Black, Indian-White, White-Arab, etc. This is becoming more and more accepted in America but there are comments and feelings I would like to address. Some are funny and some will hit home.
I am a white woman married to a black man. We have been married for 15 years and have 6 beautiful kids and a great marriage. As a couple, we have not faced blatant racism and we consider ourselves blessed for that. Overall actually, we have had it pretty good. Here are some of the comments and questions I have faced from family, friends, people at the grocery store, and others. There are also some tips on what not to do or say to a couple of mixed race.
1. Don't try to relate
Ok, this is my favorite and my friends who are also in mixed-race relationships and I get together and laugh over this stuff. Please don't tell me about the black friend you had in college or the white man you dated in high school. I don't care if you are best friends with your Iranian mailman or the Indian girl who makes your coffee at Starbucks. It has no bearing on my marraige or how well you think you know my spouse. Your actions towards my family will show me if you care or not, you don't have to prove it with a story.
2. It's not Biblical to marry outside your race.
I have had to answer this one more than once. I remember reading about how the Lord didn't want the Israelites marrying into the Canaanites, but that was a religious thing. So, when faced with this question as a teen, I called my Granny. She informed me that nowhere in Scripture does it forbid mixed-race marriages. In fact, she told me about a story where Miriam (Moses' sister) teased Moses' wife because she was from another country and the Lord temporarily smote her with leprosy. Granny stressed that I look more at the heart of a man to see that is yearning for the Lord and for a man who will love me for me. After 15 years with my man, Granny, I thank you.
3. Who will the children play with?
My response to this actual question, "other kids". Kids play with kids, rarely do they look at skin color. Now teens on the other hand may have an identity crisis. They may try to identify with just one side or the other and have some issues. We have tried to expose our children to all kinds of music, tv shows, and our backgrounds so that they can feel that they can like anything they want without having a racial barrier. We also live in a community where biracial people are the norm and are fully accepted.
4. You have nothing in common with a person of another race.
Here are some similiarities I have with my spouse:
Our fathers were in the military
Our parents are still married
Our siblings are successful
We both come from the middle class and went to good schools
We grew up in the church
I could go on and on. Our backgrounds are very similiar and so were our upbringings. Now socially, we are different but we make a good match. We have many things we like to do together like bowl, go to movies, play on the computer, and play video games. There are also things we do separately. He likes to play any sport that involves a ball and I like to go out to dinner with friends and join choirs. None of that has anything to do with race. We love each other and we like each other and that makes all the difference.
5. You stole a good black man.
I have actually heard that from a black woman. Let me tell you a little story about how my spouse and I met. He was working at a convenience store while taking a break from college and I was working at the building next door for a phone survey company. I would go into the store to buy drinks and snacks for work. My spouse was so flirty and persistent. He would always try to talk to me and smile at me, he gave me his phone number. He never let up! We became friends and I would sit at his store and we would talk for hours. He asked me to marry him several times and I turned him down each time. I didn't steal anybody, he willingly pursued me. To say that somebody stole another person is ludicrous. He made his choice the moment he laid those beautiful brown eyes on me.
When my white cousin met his "wife to be", he came home smitten. He was all moony and talking about the most beautiful woman he had ever met in his life. She liked him right back and they are celebrating their 15th year of marriage too. He didn't steal a good black woman, he fell madly in love with a woman and she fell madly in love right back. She didn't steal a good white man, he fell head over heels in love with a good woman.
Now, let me clarify a moment here. 97.8% of black women don't care and they go on and on over how beautiful the kids are. It's the 2.2% that you remember because of the negativity.
6. Do your kids look biracial to you?
Umm, hmm, no. They are my kids. That's it. Just mine. Look at your kids, do they look _____ to you? My kids are just my kids, they don't look black, white, asian, whatever to me, they are just mine. They have my lips and my husband's eyes. My dimples and his curly hair. Some are built long and lean like him and some short and hippy like me. Just like anybody else's kids, they have some features like him and some like me. The only difference is skin tone, the kids did get a mix of both of us so they are a nice tan/creamy coffee color. We like to tell our kids we are all just different shades of brown, some darker than others. Now, I don't necessarily mind this question, especially from kids. I would rather a child come out and ask me why my kids don't look like me than to stare and wonder. Parents, most people don't mind if your child asks questions, they are naturally curious. One little girl asked me why my daughter was black and I was white. We talked about her hair color, which was red like her mom's. I said to her that she resembled her mom and my kids look more like their dad. She got it, she understood and she never questioned me again.
7. Yes, you can say the word "black" when talking about black people.
Please don't walk on eggshells around me, it drives me nuts. I am a blunt straight forward person and I expect people to do the same. I call my husband black so you can too. He is a wonderful black man, it is part of who he is as a person. I know Americans like to be politically correct and use the term, "African-American" and that is okay too. You are not saying anything offensive if you use black to describe my husband or my children. In the eyes of the government, my children are considered black. Although African-American would describe my husband, he prefers to call himself an American.
I am sure there are more but this is getting to be one of my longest posts ever and I have homework to do. Overall, people are fully accepting of mixed race couples. There are those few that like to cause dissension and trouble, stay away from them. We have had friends and family that didn't approve of our marriage and we just prayed for them and stayed away. And just because I married a black man doesn't mean that I don't have underlying racism issues. I grew up in the south and have had to come to terms with certain mindsets that were ingrained. My husband is very understanding and we can talk about touchy issues with openmindedness. He knows I love him and I know he loves me, even if there are topics we have to work through. One of them was this: Our grandchildren may be full black if our kids marry black people. Am I ok with that? At first, I had a moment with that thought. But after I spent some time thinking why I would have a problem with it, I got over it. I love my husband, I love my kids, why wouldn't I love my grandkids, whatever they look like? I had to wrestle out deep down feelings of prejudice.
Ok, I mean it this time, I'm getting off of here!! If you are in a mixed-race relationship or have friends that are, what comments or situations have you come up against? Or, are you a bi-racial person that grew up in a mixed-race home? What feelings would you like to share?
I am a white woman married to a black man. We have been married for 15 years and have 6 beautiful kids and a great marriage. As a couple, we have not faced blatant racism and we consider ourselves blessed for that. Overall actually, we have had it pretty good. Here are some of the comments and questions I have faced from family, friends, people at the grocery store, and others. There are also some tips on what not to do or say to a couple of mixed race.
1. Don't try to relate
Ok, this is my favorite and my friends who are also in mixed-race relationships and I get together and laugh over this stuff. Please don't tell me about the black friend you had in college or the white man you dated in high school. I don't care if you are best friends with your Iranian mailman or the Indian girl who makes your coffee at Starbucks. It has no bearing on my marraige or how well you think you know my spouse. Your actions towards my family will show me if you care or not, you don't have to prove it with a story.
2. It's not Biblical to marry outside your race.
I have had to answer this one more than once. I remember reading about how the Lord didn't want the Israelites marrying into the Canaanites, but that was a religious thing. So, when faced with this question as a teen, I called my Granny. She informed me that nowhere in Scripture does it forbid mixed-race marriages. In fact, she told me about a story where Miriam (Moses' sister) teased Moses' wife because she was from another country and the Lord temporarily smote her with leprosy. Granny stressed that I look more at the heart of a man to see that is yearning for the Lord and for a man who will love me for me. After 15 years with my man, Granny, I thank you.
3. Who will the children play with?
My response to this actual question, "other kids". Kids play with kids, rarely do they look at skin color. Now teens on the other hand may have an identity crisis. They may try to identify with just one side or the other and have some issues. We have tried to expose our children to all kinds of music, tv shows, and our backgrounds so that they can feel that they can like anything they want without having a racial barrier. We also live in a community where biracial people are the norm and are fully accepted.
4. You have nothing in common with a person of another race.
Here are some similiarities I have with my spouse:
Our fathers were in the military
Our parents are still married
Our siblings are successful
We both come from the middle class and went to good schools
We grew up in the church
I could go on and on. Our backgrounds are very similiar and so were our upbringings. Now socially, we are different but we make a good match. We have many things we like to do together like bowl, go to movies, play on the computer, and play video games. There are also things we do separately. He likes to play any sport that involves a ball and I like to go out to dinner with friends and join choirs. None of that has anything to do with race. We love each other and we like each other and that makes all the difference.
5. You stole a good black man.
I have actually heard that from a black woman. Let me tell you a little story about how my spouse and I met. He was working at a convenience store while taking a break from college and I was working at the building next door for a phone survey company. I would go into the store to buy drinks and snacks for work. My spouse was so flirty and persistent. He would always try to talk to me and smile at me, he gave me his phone number. He never let up! We became friends and I would sit at his store and we would talk for hours. He asked me to marry him several times and I turned him down each time. I didn't steal anybody, he willingly pursued me. To say that somebody stole another person is ludicrous. He made his choice the moment he laid those beautiful brown eyes on me.
When my white cousin met his "wife to be", he came home smitten. He was all moony and talking about the most beautiful woman he had ever met in his life. She liked him right back and they are celebrating their 15th year of marriage too. He didn't steal a good black woman, he fell madly in love with a woman and she fell madly in love right back. She didn't steal a good white man, he fell head over heels in love with a good woman.
Now, let me clarify a moment here. 97.8% of black women don't care and they go on and on over how beautiful the kids are. It's the 2.2% that you remember because of the negativity.
6. Do your kids look biracial to you?
Umm, hmm, no. They are my kids. That's it. Just mine. Look at your kids, do they look _____ to you? My kids are just my kids, they don't look black, white, asian, whatever to me, they are just mine. They have my lips and my husband's eyes. My dimples and his curly hair. Some are built long and lean like him and some short and hippy like me. Just like anybody else's kids, they have some features like him and some like me. The only difference is skin tone, the kids did get a mix of both of us so they are a nice tan/creamy coffee color. We like to tell our kids we are all just different shades of brown, some darker than others. Now, I don't necessarily mind this question, especially from kids. I would rather a child come out and ask me why my kids don't look like me than to stare and wonder. Parents, most people don't mind if your child asks questions, they are naturally curious. One little girl asked me why my daughter was black and I was white. We talked about her hair color, which was red like her mom's. I said to her that she resembled her mom and my kids look more like their dad. She got it, she understood and she never questioned me again.
7. Yes, you can say the word "black" when talking about black people.
Please don't walk on eggshells around me, it drives me nuts. I am a blunt straight forward person and I expect people to do the same. I call my husband black so you can too. He is a wonderful black man, it is part of who he is as a person. I know Americans like to be politically correct and use the term, "African-American" and that is okay too. You are not saying anything offensive if you use black to describe my husband or my children. In the eyes of the government, my children are considered black. Although African-American would describe my husband, he prefers to call himself an American.
I am sure there are more but this is getting to be one of my longest posts ever and I have homework to do. Overall, people are fully accepting of mixed race couples. There are those few that like to cause dissension and trouble, stay away from them. We have had friends and family that didn't approve of our marriage and we just prayed for them and stayed away. And just because I married a black man doesn't mean that I don't have underlying racism issues. I grew up in the south and have had to come to terms with certain mindsets that were ingrained. My husband is very understanding and we can talk about touchy issues with openmindedness. He knows I love him and I know he loves me, even if there are topics we have to work through. One of them was this: Our grandchildren may be full black if our kids marry black people. Am I ok with that? At first, I had a moment with that thought. But after I spent some time thinking why I would have a problem with it, I got over it. I love my husband, I love my kids, why wouldn't I love my grandkids, whatever they look like? I had to wrestle out deep down feelings of prejudice.
Ok, I mean it this time, I'm getting off of here!! If you are in a mixed-race relationship or have friends that are, what comments or situations have you come up against? Or, are you a bi-racial person that grew up in a mixed-race home? What feelings would you like to share?
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