Inter-racial relationships

This blog comes with a warning, "Some content in this blog may offend you, please read with an open mind".  Ok folks, today I would like to touch on bi-racial or inter-racial relationships.  White-Black, Asian-White, Asian-Black, Indian-White, White-Arab, etc.  This is becoming more and more accepted in America but there are comments and feelings I would like to address.  Some are funny and some will hit home. 
    I am a white woman married to a black man.  We have been married for 15 years and have 6 beautiful kids and a great marriage.  As a couple, we have not faced blatant racism and we consider ourselves blessed for that.  Overall actually, we have had it pretty good.  Here are some of the comments and questions I have faced from family, friends, people at the grocery store, and others.  There are also some tips on what not to do or say to a couple of mixed race.

1. Don't try to relate
  Ok, this is my favorite and my friends who are also in mixed-race relationships and I get together and laugh over this stuff.  Please don't tell me about the black friend you had in college or the white man you dated in high school.  I don't care if you are best friends with your Iranian mailman or the Indian girl who makes your coffee at Starbucks.  It has no bearing on my marraige or how well you think you know my spouse.  Your actions towards my family will show me if you care or not, you don't have to prove it with a story.

2. It's not Biblical to marry outside your race.
   I have had to answer this one more than once.  I remember reading about how the Lord didn't want the Israelites marrying into the Canaanites, but that was a religious thing.  So, when faced with this question as a teen, I called my Granny.  She informed me that nowhere in Scripture does it forbid mixed-race marriages.  In fact, she told me about a story where Miriam (Moses' sister) teased Moses' wife because she was from another country and the Lord temporarily smote her with leprosy.  Granny stressed that I look more at the heart of a man to see that is yearning for the Lord and for a man who will love me for me.  After 15 years with my man, Granny, I thank you.

3. Who will the children play with?
  My response to this actual question, "other kids".  Kids play with kids, rarely do they look at skin color.  Now teens on the other hand may have an identity crisis.  They may try to identify with just one side or the other and have some issues.  We have tried to expose our children to all kinds of music, tv shows, and our backgrounds so that they can feel that they can like anything they want without having a racial barrier.  We also live in a community where biracial people are the norm and are fully accepted.

4. You have nothing in common with a person of another race.
  Here are some similiarities I have with my spouse:
Our fathers were in the military
Our parents are still married
Our siblings are successful
We both come from the middle class and went to good schools
We grew up in the church
I could go on and on.  Our backgrounds are very similiar and so were our upbringings.  Now socially, we are different but we make a good match.  We have many things we like to do together like bowl, go to movies, play on the computer, and play video games.  There are also things we do separately.  He likes to play any sport that involves a ball and I like to go out to dinner with friends and join choirs.  None of that has anything to do with race.  We love each other and we like each other and that makes all the difference.

5. You stole a good black man.
  I have actually heard that from a black woman.  Let me tell you a little story about how my spouse and I met.  He was working at a convenience store while taking a break from college and I was working at the building next door for a phone survey company.  I would go into the store to buy drinks and snacks for work.  My spouse was so flirty and persistent.  He would always try to talk to me and smile at me, he gave me his phone number.  He never let up!  We became friends and I would sit at his store and we would talk for hours.  He asked me to marry him several times and I turned him down each time.  I didn't steal anybody, he willingly pursued me.  To say that somebody stole another person is ludicrous.  He made his choice the moment he laid those beautiful brown eyes on me.
  When my white cousin met his "wife to be", he came home smitten.  He was all moony and talking about the most beautiful woman he had ever met in his life.  She liked him right back and they are celebrating their 15th year of marriage too.  He didn't steal a good black woman, he fell madly in love with a woman and she fell madly in love right back.  She didn't steal a good white man, he fell head over heels in love with a good woman.
  Now, let me clarify a moment here.  97.8% of black women don't care and they go on and on over how beautiful the kids are.  It's the 2.2% that you remember because of the negativity.

6. Do your kids look biracial to you?
  Umm, hmm, no.  They are my kids.  That's it.  Just mine.  Look at your kids, do they look _____ to you?  My kids are just my kids, they don't look black, white, asian, whatever to me, they are just mine.  They have my lips and my husband's eyes.  My dimples and his curly hair.  Some are built long and lean like him and some short and hippy like me.  Just like anybody else's kids, they have some features like him and some like me.  The only difference is skin tone, the kids did get a mix of both of us so they are a nice tan/creamy coffee color.  We like to tell our kids we are all just different shades of brown, some darker than others.  Now,  I don't necessarily mind this question, especially from kids.  I would rather a child come out and ask me why my kids don't look like me than to stare and wonder.  Parents, most people don't mind if your child asks questions, they are naturally curious.  One little girl asked me why my daughter was black and I was white.  We talked about her hair color, which was red like her mom's.  I said to her that she resembled her mom and my kids look more like their dad.  She got it, she understood and she never questioned me again.

7. Yes, you can say the word "black" when talking about black people.
  Please don't walk on eggshells around me, it drives me nuts.  I am a blunt straight forward person and I expect people to do the same.  I call my husband black so you can too.  He is a wonderful black man, it is part of who he is as a person.  I know Americans like to be politically correct and use the term, "African-American" and that is okay too.  You are not saying anything offensive if you use black to describe my husband or my children.  In the eyes of the government, my children are considered black.  Although African-American would describe my husband, he prefers to call himself an American.

   I am sure there are more but this is getting to be one of my longest posts ever and I have homework to do.  Overall, people are fully accepting of mixed race couples.  There are those few that like to cause dissension and trouble, stay away from them.  We have had friends and family that didn't approve of our marriage and we just prayed for them and stayed away.  And just because I married a black man doesn't mean that I don't have underlying racism issues.  I grew up in the south and have had to come to terms with certain mindsets that were ingrained.  My husband is very understanding and we can talk about touchy issues with openmindedness.  He knows I love him and I know he loves me, even if there are topics we have to work through.  One of them was this: Our grandchildren may be full black if our kids marry black people.  Am I ok with that?  At first, I had a moment with that thought.  But after I spent some time thinking why I would have a problem with it, I got over it.  I love my husband, I love my kids, why wouldn't I love my grandkids, whatever they look like?  I had to wrestle out deep down feelings of prejudice.  
   Ok, I mean it this time, I'm getting off of here!!  If you are in a mixed-race relationship or have friends that are, what comments or situations have you come up against?  Or, are you a bi-racial person that grew up in a mixed-race home?  What feelings would you like to share?