Warning: Disgusting blog ahead

  If you have any kind of respect for me, don't read any further.  If you have known me for more than 10 years, read on.  If you are now intrigued then read this warning, "This post containst flatulence, if you are going to take this seriously, stop reading now".  Ok, I have done my best to warn all of you.
  My husband came home from work yesterday with some horrible gas and it got me thinking of the types of gas and how it is delivered.  Then it got me thinking about all the society no-nos and why are they no-nos.  I'm going to list a few here and ya'll are going to get a whole new education on the upbringing and life of LaShelle : )

The Barking Spider
  I don't know about ya'll, but there was a big one of these at my house when I was growing up.  I never actually saw it, thank goodness, but it was loud and it stank.  My dad must have seen it alot because he was constantly blaming it for all the noises that seemed to come from under his seat.

SBD
  For those of you who had normal parents or friends, you may not know what those 3 letters stand for.  Silent but deadly.  Those silent toots that are death bringers.  My husband is known for these.  He lets one out then waits for the reaction.  For the kids, it's usually, "Ohh, what is that smell?  Ugh, that is so disgusting!"  while they are looking around.  When they see the glee on their dad's face, a lot of yelling and running ensues.  "Oh dad, why are you so gross!  Are you trying to kill us?" etc etc
  He also likes doing this at work to his work buddies.  He comes home with a smile on his face and this comment, "I had horrible gas today" (remember the smile on his face)  He will fart in a public place and when someone around makes a face and starts looking around, spouse will point to one of his work buddies and shake his head.  Where does he get this behavior? 

The Dutch Oven
  Some of you men are probably nodding your heads and thinking, "Yup, dutch ovens are great!  Haha"  To those of you people who don't know what a dutch oven is, it's when you toot under the covers and then pull the covers up over your spouse's head, trapping them in the stench.  Now, I didn't use the terms man and woman here because, and I say this with pride, I have gotten my husband once or twice.  I don't pull the covers up over his head though.  I just let out a silent one and then shift, letting it waft up out of the covers right into his face.  The last time this happened, it went right into his mouth. HAHAHAHAHAHA  "Ugh, I can taste it!  Oh, you are awful!  Eww cough cough"  Oh friends, it was fabulous.

Come Here Kids, I want to show you something
  There are several versions of this but I want to share with you what my uncle used to do to us, and probably still would if we would fall for it.  He would get real quiet and summon us all over.  He would say, "You hear that?" and then lean over and fart.  Then he, and all my uncles, would laugh hysterically as us kids would run away screaming.

I'm sure there are more but I need to cover some other things.  You can comment about your favorite fart attacks on FB or below.

Farting in front of your spouse
  I know someone who will not fart in front of her husband.  She farts in front of me but not in front of her husband.  Is that common?  In my family, farting in front of your boyfriend or spouse is the ultimate form of acceptance.  You are truly in and loved if you can fart openly.  When my uncle and aunt met, my uncle knew my aunt was the "one" when he farted and she didn't leave him.  Can you ever truly be comfortable with someone if they know you fart?  Will husbands leave if they think their wives fart?  I don't know.

Farting in public
  Most people do not willingly fart in public, it just happens.  There are usually 2 responses to the public fart.  Either they ignore it and just keep talking or walking or whatever.  I prefer this method while trying not to blush.  Or, they say sorry, blush madly, and then keep going.  The funny thing, especially if it's you, is watching people's expressions.  I accidentally farted in front of a friend once and just kept talking.  Her eyes popped open but then she caught herself and blankfaced.  It was hysterical. 

Again, I know there are more, please add in at the bottom.

A couple other things I would like to touch on are nose picking and burping.  Everybody (with the exception of one of my kids) picks their nose.  Kids pick them and wipe them places, adults pick and fling, some people use napkins at the dinner table (you know who you are).  We see people picking while driving, hmm, do you think they will ban that like they did texting?  I mean, if you are picking then both hands are not on the wheel.  I would love to see that commercial, haha.
  Burping in public in America is a huge taboo.  My husband sees it as an art form, especially in parking lots.  He will burp as loud as he can and then pull me close. I am not easily embarassed but this one gets me.  He burps in restaurants and in the car.  The car ones are the worst because they stink like whatever he ate earlier.  Ugh,  I hate those.
  So now that I have lost all my followers and maybe gained a few new ones, what do ya'll think?  What horrible experience with farting or burping shaped you as a child?  Did it make you a better person?