Take It Outside!

  I would like to discuss a subject with you all and I am sure that each of you has a totally different opinion.  In every school, home, rec center, etc fights occur.  Some are vicious and cause personal injury and some are words that can hurt feelings.  They can be caused by name calling, boy/girl friend stealing, jealousy, insecurity, somebody looked at you wrong, and many others. The question I am posing today is, "What advice do you give your children in the event of a fight?"  I asked my kids this question last night and I got 6 different answers.  I am going to pose some suggestions here and then we are going to see what Scripture says.

Don't start a fight but you better finish it!
  This is the advice I received from my dad as a kid.  I was not supposed to start anything but if anybody hit me first, I was supposed to pound them into the ground.  This never happened so I never got to show off my mad fighting skills.

Just walk away
  A lot of moms give this advice, we encourage our children to stay away from fighting altogether.  I think this is great advice but what happens if someone hits your kid?  If they try to walk away, the kid may hit them in the back and they have no chance to defend themselves.

Tell an adult
  Ok, I have 2 thoughts here.  One of my kids said, "That's being a snitch!".  Snitching is becoming more and more a problem in schools today, maybe even in society.  Kids don't want to tell because the repercussions of snitching are worse than the initial problem.  Having an issue with one kid is one thing, being teased by a whole class because you snitched is another.
  Another of my kids said, "Go get a teacher".  Scenario: Bad kid hits good kid.  Good kid says, "Hold what you got, I am going to tell an adult"  Whatever.  The bad kid is going to beat the crap out of the good kid and never give them a chance to tell anyone.  What do you tell your child then?
  Also, what happens if the adult that is told doesn't do what they are supposed to do?  What if by telling the situation gets worse?

Use your words
  People who say that generally use nicer words than their opponent.  It's not fair footing.  Your child or even yourself might be saying, "Let's not fight, let's try to work this out,  I don't have a problem with you" etc.  The other person is already taking their earrings out and handing their purse to a friend while calling you all sorts of vile names.

Grab a weapon
  I heard this one recently and had to laugh.  What do you do if you get into a fight?  Grab a bigger weapon than your enemy has.  What are you, a professional wrestler?  Gonna beat him up with a folding chair?  No wait, you're Crocodile Dundee, "That's not a knife, this is a knife!" Someone is going to end up suspended, arrested, and/or seriously injured. 
  Now before you start thinking about when you should fight like that, let me just say that I am basing most of this on fighting going on in schools.  Im not talking about home invasions or street robbery or whatever. 

Turn the other cheek
  This is what Christian parents want to say, and sometimes we do, but on the other hand, we don't want our kids getting beat up.  Our kids need to fit in, be cool, right?  They can't be cool if they're getting smacked around.

One of my daughters came home yesterday and asked me if she would get in trouble if she got in a fight at school.  I just kind of looked at her and said that it would depend on the cause of the fight.  We talked back and forth for a minute and here is what came out of it.  She told me that some girl was jealous of her and has been calling her names, really stupid names I might add.  She was curious as to what my opinion would be if the situation escalated to a fight.  Here's what I said based on Matthew 5:38-42.  You can look it up but it is the eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, turn the other cheek etc.  I said that the Bible tells us someone can hit us twice.  After that, there are no further instructions.  I suggested to her that if someone were to hit her she should calmly tell the person she doesn't want to fight.  If the person were to hit her again, she should again say that she doesn't want to fight.  If she goes to hit her a third time, defend herself.  Try not to actually fight, but certainly defend yourself from blows.  In my opinion, and it could be very wrong, most kids will not hit a person a third time if the person hasn't hit them back.  It would be a loss of face to fight an undefensive person.  They would look more "cool" if they could beat the other person up in a fist to fist fight.  They just look mean and horrible if they are smacking a person who won't hit back.  We also talked about how Jesus spoke over and over about keeping peace and loving your neighbor.  Are you going to beat up some kid and then invite them to your youth group?  How can you possibly show the love of Christ to someone you are fighting with?
  So people, whatcha got.  I want to hear the advice you have received or given.  I want to hear situations in which you were in a fight and a certain strategy worked.  I want to hear about your experiences so that we can glean from each other.  Remember, we need to use our words!