Family. That word has been running through my head the last few days and I have been trying to figure out the real definition of that word.
How many times has someone said "You're like family to me" "You are just like a mom/dad to me" "I think of you like a sister/brother/aunt/uncle/etc". We as a society tend to kind of throw that statement out there when we feel super connected to someone or we have spent years connecting and feel like an "insider".
Christians use that terminology all the time. Brother in Christ, Sister in Christ, Family of God. In the church, we are all adopted sons and daughters of God so the terminology fits. As Christians, we should feel connected by the common feeling of Salvation through Christ our God. God is our Father and the church family are our brothers and sisters.
But.
To me, family means that you would stand up and fight for that person without question. This was solidified to me last night when my sister sent me a text and it autocorrected.
Sister's text: I want to hit Martika
My Brain: Dang. Now I have to drive to Georgia and hit Martika too and I don't even know what she did.
Then my real brain kicked in and I realized her phone had autocorrected and I calmed down. But my first instinct was to go and fight with my sister. I didn't care what Martika had done, I was going to defend my sister no matter what.
One time at church, my friend felt like I had been overlooked for a position and she grabbed my hand, dragged me over to the pastor, and confronted him. She didn't hesitate. I am her family and she defended me even when I hadn't asked her to do that.
When I was a kid, a mean neighbor yelled at me and made me cry. I went down the street and got my sister from a pool party and my sister marched in her bikini to the neighbor lady and screamed at her. She was just 14 at the time.
Family to me means that you would fight for the people who are important to you without questioning the "why". Does it matter? Your family is hurt and you need to step up and stand shoulder to shoulder to defend them.
My family is hurting right now. My kids are scared, hurt, angry, tired, and apprehensive of the future. My husband is pissed. I am at the "cry everyday stage". How many more black people are going to have to do die before policies change? How many more years will I have to live in fear each time one of my family members leaves the house hoping they don't get pulled over? How many more years will I have to sit with my kids when they get off work and listen to the stories of racist remarks told to them throughout the day? How many more times am I going to have to think "What if that was my husband/son/daughter/friend?"
When someone in my "family" demeans my family's feelings or gives a counter argument that is invalid, that cuts deeply. I am weeping, why won't you weep with me? I am not asking you to agree with me, I'm asking you to come alongside me and help me, as family would without question.
What can that look like?
A text saying I love you and I stand with your family.
2 people in our care group dropped off care packages just because.
Going to the protests with us, standing shoulder to shoulder
What does that NOT look like?
Saying George Floyd was a criminal so his death isn't really important
Saying All Lives Matter without really understanding what Black Lives Matter means.
Messaging me saying you love me like family but you can't stand shoulder to shoulder with me.
I have only been fighting this fight for a few years now and I am already tired. I can't imagine my whole life being a fight and having to still fight for something that should be over by now.
I stand with reforming the police departments. Let the community programs get involved so that the police officers can do what they are trained to do. Relieve them of being responsible for everything and train them well to do a few things. Raise up community programs to step in and aid in ways they are trained to do. It is hard to imagine the police department looking differently than it has our whole lives, but just because it's been there the whole time, doesn't mean it needs to stay that way. Societies change and adjust, our policies and departments need to also change and adjust.
I stand with the protestors who are simply asking for reform within the police department and for justice for those who have been unjustly killed like George Floyd and Breonna Taylor.
I will not let this era go by sitting on the sidelines. Will you?
Sunday, June 14, 2020
Friday, May 18, 2018
Have you cried yet?
This is a long post, bear with me.
I had my first 5 kids in 6 years, boom boom boom, one right after the other. Most people thought I was crazy, really I was just tired and not thinking straight. I got asked all the time, "How do you do it?" My answer was always, "One minute, one hour, one day, one week at a time". I would have one kid for a while and then we would add another and I would get used to that one and then we would add another and so on and so forth. 5 small kids was my normal.
(I know I have 6 kids, the last one came later so her story is different)
And life was hard. Diapers, bottles, tons of hot dogs and macaroni and cheese. Kids falling down at the playground, getting in trouble in Sunday school, getting muddy outside, 5 kids playing in the snow, sippy cups, several cribs, bunk beds, I could go on and on.
I am a forward thinker so I was always looking for the kids to pass the milestones. Woohoo! They are all waking, now all talking, now out of diapers, no more sippy cups, no more diaper bag, no more carseats. Sometimes we did things in clumps, the last 2 were potty trained together, first 2 went to their first youth retreat together, middle 2 did driver's ed together, etc.
While they were young and things were happening so fast, it made me happy. Less work for me, let's move on to older kid stuff like feeding and dressing themselves. Then big stuff started happening and life became a roller coaster. 2013, kid graduated, 2014 another kid graduated and a grandchild was born, 2015 another grandbaby, 2016 kid and I graduated, 2017 another grandbaby, 2018 2 kids will graduate and another grandbaby is on the way. These are just 2 things: graduations and grandkids. What about the hundred other things?
What I didn't realize as a young mom watching her babies grow and develop was that at some point, they would be teenagers and young adults also growing and developing one right after the other. Boom boom boom. And my heart can't keep up. By the time I get over one thing, another kid is doing something and I have to jump right back into the flow, barely wiping away the tears before I am smiling and nodding and videotaping something else, someone else. Parenting toddlers is hard, parenting teenagers and young adults is almost impossible, then multiply that by the amount of kids you have.
Here are some things my spouse and I have gone through over the last 5 years, and I know some of you can relate.
Failing high school classes, meetings with schools, college visits, failing out of college, losing scholarship money, unexpected pregnancies, court, custody, child support, thoughts of suicide, therapy, counseling, medication, alcohol abuse, pregnancy problems, and more.
I could dwell on those things but this is also what we have experienced:
Fabulous graduation parties, our family and our hearts growing by the precious grandbabies, love of friends, getting to hang out with teenagers and hearing their thoughts and ideas, seeing our kids in musical after musical and owning the stage, band concerts, orchestra concerts, choir concerts, watching kids do well in their jobs, glowing reports from teachers and administrators, watching them win awards, volleyball matches, watching the kids become referees, and more.
Although our lives are hectic and crazy and our calendar is filled to the hilt with activities, we are happy. Our kids are awesome and we get to be their parents. Everyday they amaze me with what they say, the decisions they make, the way they think through things, and how they interact with those around them. Life is flying by but I get to fly with these 6 little people and that couldn't make me happier.
This is the last 2 weeks before graduation for my #4 and #5 and I have been asked everyday if I cried. My answer? I will cry on June 3rd, after the graduation and after the party. I don't want to cry yet because then it will be real and I am not ready for it to be real yet. My heart can't take anymore right now, but on June 3rd it will be ready. So, I will put on my smiles, my confidence, my fake reality, and I will video the concerts, the awards, the ceremonies, the party and then I will fall apart.
So, mamas and papas. How are you getting through this season? Are you facing it all right away and crying through everything? Or are you like me, waiting til just the right moment and then falling apart?
I had my first 5 kids in 6 years, boom boom boom, one right after the other. Most people thought I was crazy, really I was just tired and not thinking straight. I got asked all the time, "How do you do it?" My answer was always, "One minute, one hour, one day, one week at a time". I would have one kid for a while and then we would add another and I would get used to that one and then we would add another and so on and so forth. 5 small kids was my normal.
(I know I have 6 kids, the last one came later so her story is different)
And life was hard. Diapers, bottles, tons of hot dogs and macaroni and cheese. Kids falling down at the playground, getting in trouble in Sunday school, getting muddy outside, 5 kids playing in the snow, sippy cups, several cribs, bunk beds, I could go on and on.
I am a forward thinker so I was always looking for the kids to pass the milestones. Woohoo! They are all waking, now all talking, now out of diapers, no more sippy cups, no more diaper bag, no more carseats. Sometimes we did things in clumps, the last 2 were potty trained together, first 2 went to their first youth retreat together, middle 2 did driver's ed together, etc.
While they were young and things were happening so fast, it made me happy. Less work for me, let's move on to older kid stuff like feeding and dressing themselves. Then big stuff started happening and life became a roller coaster. 2013, kid graduated, 2014 another kid graduated and a grandchild was born, 2015 another grandbaby, 2016 kid and I graduated, 2017 another grandbaby, 2018 2 kids will graduate and another grandbaby is on the way. These are just 2 things: graduations and grandkids. What about the hundred other things?
What I didn't realize as a young mom watching her babies grow and develop was that at some point, they would be teenagers and young adults also growing and developing one right after the other. Boom boom boom. And my heart can't keep up. By the time I get over one thing, another kid is doing something and I have to jump right back into the flow, barely wiping away the tears before I am smiling and nodding and videotaping something else, someone else. Parenting toddlers is hard, parenting teenagers and young adults is almost impossible, then multiply that by the amount of kids you have.
Here are some things my spouse and I have gone through over the last 5 years, and I know some of you can relate.
Failing high school classes, meetings with schools, college visits, failing out of college, losing scholarship money, unexpected pregnancies, court, custody, child support, thoughts of suicide, therapy, counseling, medication, alcohol abuse, pregnancy problems, and more.
I could dwell on those things but this is also what we have experienced:
Fabulous graduation parties, our family and our hearts growing by the precious grandbabies, love of friends, getting to hang out with teenagers and hearing their thoughts and ideas, seeing our kids in musical after musical and owning the stage, band concerts, orchestra concerts, choir concerts, watching kids do well in their jobs, glowing reports from teachers and administrators, watching them win awards, volleyball matches, watching the kids become referees, and more.
Although our lives are hectic and crazy and our calendar is filled to the hilt with activities, we are happy. Our kids are awesome and we get to be their parents. Everyday they amaze me with what they say, the decisions they make, the way they think through things, and how they interact with those around them. Life is flying by but I get to fly with these 6 little people and that couldn't make me happier.
This is the last 2 weeks before graduation for my #4 and #5 and I have been asked everyday if I cried. My answer? I will cry on June 3rd, after the graduation and after the party. I don't want to cry yet because then it will be real and I am not ready for it to be real yet. My heart can't take anymore right now, but on June 3rd it will be ready. So, I will put on my smiles, my confidence, my fake reality, and I will video the concerts, the awards, the ceremonies, the party and then I will fall apart.
So, mamas and papas. How are you getting through this season? Are you facing it all right away and crying through everything? Or are you like me, waiting til just the right moment and then falling apart?
Thursday, September 28, 2017
A Dog Named Kenzie
Today I was taking a walk around my neighborhood and had an experience that was eye opening for me.
I met a little boy dog named Kenzie who really loves people. He wasn't on a leash and came running at me, really just wanting me to love him. The owner caught up with me and said, "I'm so sorry! Kenzie just loves new people and once he gets an idea in his head, there's no changing his mind!"
I laughed and replied, "It's ok. I know a lot of people who are just like Kenzie".
It got me thinking that we are a lot like Kenzie. Once we get an idea in our heads, there is almost no changing it. It doesn't matter if we are confronted with facts, other opinions, or anything else, we just do not like to change our minds.
Changing a mind takes humility and an open mindedness to accept new possibilities. It takes doing some research into unbiased news sources or into sources we don't usually delve into like maybe a Bible or a textbook. We have to look at all the facts and then make a decision that just might be different from our original opinion.
An opinion is not something that just happens, it is formed from experiences, our beliefs, and our minds. But, if you are going to argue an opinion, there should be some factual basis to it. It is silly to argue a point if you just "feel" something, you should also know something. In addition to knowing something about your point, it is super helpful to know as much as you can about the opposite side's points. This is called education.
Sometimes, when we do our research, we discover we are wrong and need to change our minds. Shocker! If this hasn't happened to you yet in your life, you should probably search yourself and start finding better friends who will call out your bull crap. Realizing we are wrong is humbling but it doesn't have to be shaming.
Yesterday, a friend of mine declared an opinion she had in a post on Facebook. I read through the comments and saw that she had actually changed her opinion after doing several hours of research. My friends, this is how it's done. She went back to original interviews, documents, and articles and learned the facts about the situation and then changed her position.
Are we so like a dog that we can't listen? Are we so like a dog that we can't do our own research and come up with an educated opinion instead of just spouting off what we think is in our hearts?? And are we so like Kenzie that we will just run at people and attack them just because we think they want to hear what we have to say?
All of us should be like my friend, not like Kenzie.
I met a little boy dog named Kenzie who really loves people. He wasn't on a leash and came running at me, really just wanting me to love him. The owner caught up with me and said, "I'm so sorry! Kenzie just loves new people and once he gets an idea in his head, there's no changing his mind!"
I laughed and replied, "It's ok. I know a lot of people who are just like Kenzie".
It got me thinking that we are a lot like Kenzie. Once we get an idea in our heads, there is almost no changing it. It doesn't matter if we are confronted with facts, other opinions, or anything else, we just do not like to change our minds.
Changing a mind takes humility and an open mindedness to accept new possibilities. It takes doing some research into unbiased news sources or into sources we don't usually delve into like maybe a Bible or a textbook. We have to look at all the facts and then make a decision that just might be different from our original opinion.
An opinion is not something that just happens, it is formed from experiences, our beliefs, and our minds. But, if you are going to argue an opinion, there should be some factual basis to it. It is silly to argue a point if you just "feel" something, you should also know something. In addition to knowing something about your point, it is super helpful to know as much as you can about the opposite side's points. This is called education.
Sometimes, when we do our research, we discover we are wrong and need to change our minds. Shocker! If this hasn't happened to you yet in your life, you should probably search yourself and start finding better friends who will call out your bull crap. Realizing we are wrong is humbling but it doesn't have to be shaming.
Yesterday, a friend of mine declared an opinion she had in a post on Facebook. I read through the comments and saw that she had actually changed her opinion after doing several hours of research. My friends, this is how it's done. She went back to original interviews, documents, and articles and learned the facts about the situation and then changed her position.
Are we so like a dog that we can't listen? Are we so like a dog that we can't do our own research and come up with an educated opinion instead of just spouting off what we think is in our hearts?? And are we so like Kenzie that we will just run at people and attack them just because we think they want to hear what we have to say?
All of us should be like my friend, not like Kenzie.
Friday, January 2, 2015
New Year's Resolu...How about no?
I don't do New Year's resolutions because I have no resolve. Ok, maybe a little resolve when I feel like it but I never stick to my resolutions so I have stopped making them. I have been doing something else and maybe you can too if you are like me, resolve-less.
Earlier this year it occurred to me that I am not always the most positive of people. I am generally a positive person but I suffer from low self esteem and that clouds my absent conversations with people. What is an absent conversation? It's the one you have in your head when the people aren't around and you are wondering how your relationship with that person is going. Or when you are reading a text that could go a multitude of ways and you are having an absent conversation to see which way it should go. In those cases, I tend to think negatively and get my feelings hurt when there is usually nothing to get hurt about. So I decided to change. I decided that I would think the best of people in those circumstances and take the time to really consider that person and how they are usually and then lean towards the positive. Let me give you a real example of something that happened. A woman at church asked me a question and I had to make a snap decision (I suck at those) so I asked her if I could think about it and get back to her. She said yes. I thought about it and told her my decision on facebook. She waited about 2 days and then responded. I could have taken her response as negative and that maybe now there is some problem between us that needs to be resolved. But then I stopped. I considered the woman and how she generally acts and how she is as a person and I THOUGHT THE BEST OF HER. And I was right. She was being nice and I was being nice and all was nice because both of us decided to think the best of each other.
I recognized a character flaw and decided to change it. I now think the best of people when I am texting, facebooking, emailing, and conversing with in person. It's been great! I am not worried anymore if someone is hurt at me or did I do something to offend someone or anything else. When I do hurt people, they generally come and tell me and I apologize because 99% of the time I did or said something that hurt their feelings. I am the Queen of putting my foot in my mouth.
So instead of making a resolution you won't stick to, maybe you should consider fixing a character flaw in yourself to make you a more positive and happy you. If you don't know how to recognize your own character flaws, I'm sure the people around you would be happy to give you their input. Usually, once something is recognized, it is much easier to fix. It's like finding out you make fists every time you sing and your friends point this out and then never let you forget it until you stop making fists and then they still bring it up and tease you about it and it is no longer a character flaw but a joke and you are the butt of the joke and
So anyway, fix a flaw! Maybe resolutions aren't for you but fixing flaws are. Maybe you could work on yourself in a different way than going to the gym and eating better. Personally, I plan on living to an old age while eating nachos so I would rather be a much more positive thinker and work on that than going to the gym. Not that going to the gym is bad but there are more ways than one to improve yourself.
What's your flaw? I personally have so many I will never have time to work on them all but I am surrounded by so many loving opinionated people who will always be quick to point them out to me!
Earlier this year it occurred to me that I am not always the most positive of people. I am generally a positive person but I suffer from low self esteem and that clouds my absent conversations with people. What is an absent conversation? It's the one you have in your head when the people aren't around and you are wondering how your relationship with that person is going. Or when you are reading a text that could go a multitude of ways and you are having an absent conversation to see which way it should go. In those cases, I tend to think negatively and get my feelings hurt when there is usually nothing to get hurt about. So I decided to change. I decided that I would think the best of people in those circumstances and take the time to really consider that person and how they are usually and then lean towards the positive. Let me give you a real example of something that happened. A woman at church asked me a question and I had to make a snap decision (I suck at those) so I asked her if I could think about it and get back to her. She said yes. I thought about it and told her my decision on facebook. She waited about 2 days and then responded. I could have taken her response as negative and that maybe now there is some problem between us that needs to be resolved. But then I stopped. I considered the woman and how she generally acts and how she is as a person and I THOUGHT THE BEST OF HER. And I was right. She was being nice and I was being nice and all was nice because both of us decided to think the best of each other.
I recognized a character flaw and decided to change it. I now think the best of people when I am texting, facebooking, emailing, and conversing with in person. It's been great! I am not worried anymore if someone is hurt at me or did I do something to offend someone or anything else. When I do hurt people, they generally come and tell me and I apologize because 99% of the time I did or said something that hurt their feelings. I am the Queen of putting my foot in my mouth.
So instead of making a resolution you won't stick to, maybe you should consider fixing a character flaw in yourself to make you a more positive and happy you. If you don't know how to recognize your own character flaws, I'm sure the people around you would be happy to give you their input. Usually, once something is recognized, it is much easier to fix. It's like finding out you make fists every time you sing and your friends point this out and then never let you forget it until you stop making fists and then they still bring it up and tease you about it and it is no longer a character flaw but a joke and you are the butt of the joke and
So anyway, fix a flaw! Maybe resolutions aren't for you but fixing flaws are. Maybe you could work on yourself in a different way than going to the gym and eating better. Personally, I plan on living to an old age while eating nachos so I would rather be a much more positive thinker and work on that than going to the gym. Not that going to the gym is bad but there are more ways than one to improve yourself.
What's your flaw? I personally have so many I will never have time to work on them all but I am surrounded by so many loving opinionated people who will always be quick to point them out to me!
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Cast your cares? Really?
1 Peter 5:7 "Cast your cares upon the Lord for He cares for you"
Now, let's not kid ourselves, who really does that? Here God! Have my cares! I am going to check facebook now and be totally worry free! Yippee!
Doesn't happen. I've never heard of someone actually making the perfect cast the first time. What? Did I just make a fishing reference? Yeah I did. The Bible is full of them but in all my years of reciting that verse, it never occured to me that it was about fishing. Maybe it's not. I'm not going to the original language and taking it apart or anything, it just kind of hit me the other day that it could be about fishing.
Let's think about it for a second. If you have ever fished then you know that you have to cast your line out several times before you finally get to that sweet spot. After you cast your line, you slowly reel it back in only to cast it out again. After about 50 million times you either lose your bait or catch a fish. Or give up and go shopping.
Now let's refer back to our verse and our usual reality. We cast our care up to the Lord. Again and again until we lose the care or He takes care of it. I know these aren't perfect analogies so don't pick on me but just think about it. God does eventually do something about our cares. Either it doesn't become a care anymore or He does something with the care. Maybe He fixes our problem and maybe He doesn't but either way, it got cast out and something happened.
I think what this verse is also telling us that God cares for us. Not like those "well-meaners" out there who say they want to help you or just let them know if you need anything but they don't really mean it. Or even if they do mean it, we don't take them up on their offer 9 times out of 9.5. But we do take God up on it. We do pray and ask Him for help. Even if you aren't a Christian, I bet you have still prayed at some deep horrible moment of your life for Him to help you. You casted a care. God cares.
He gives us what He thinks we need, not always what we think we need. He takes the bait and sends us fishes in the forms of answered prayers and blessings. Ok, I might be going a little far with that one but still. Do you have all the same cares you had 10 years ago? Probably not. You have all new ones! Some of us have big time things we have been praying for for years and God is working, we just can't see it sometimes. But He cares. He cares and He wants us to keep casting our cares to Him even if we think he isn't biting. Oh my, I need to go to bed. But you get the drift. (see what I did there?)
Now, let's not kid ourselves, who really does that? Here God! Have my cares! I am going to check facebook now and be totally worry free! Yippee!
Doesn't happen. I've never heard of someone actually making the perfect cast the first time. What? Did I just make a fishing reference? Yeah I did. The Bible is full of them but in all my years of reciting that verse, it never occured to me that it was about fishing. Maybe it's not. I'm not going to the original language and taking it apart or anything, it just kind of hit me the other day that it could be about fishing.
Let's think about it for a second. If you have ever fished then you know that you have to cast your line out several times before you finally get to that sweet spot. After you cast your line, you slowly reel it back in only to cast it out again. After about 50 million times you either lose your bait or catch a fish. Or give up and go shopping.
Now let's refer back to our verse and our usual reality. We cast our care up to the Lord. Again and again until we lose the care or He takes care of it. I know these aren't perfect analogies so don't pick on me but just think about it. God does eventually do something about our cares. Either it doesn't become a care anymore or He does something with the care. Maybe He fixes our problem and maybe He doesn't but either way, it got cast out and something happened.
I think what this verse is also telling us that God cares for us. Not like those "well-meaners" out there who say they want to help you or just let them know if you need anything but they don't really mean it. Or even if they do mean it, we don't take them up on their offer 9 times out of 9.5. But we do take God up on it. We do pray and ask Him for help. Even if you aren't a Christian, I bet you have still prayed at some deep horrible moment of your life for Him to help you. You casted a care. God cares.
He gives us what He thinks we need, not always what we think we need. He takes the bait and sends us fishes in the forms of answered prayers and blessings. Ok, I might be going a little far with that one but still. Do you have all the same cares you had 10 years ago? Probably not. You have all new ones! Some of us have big time things we have been praying for for years and God is working, we just can't see it sometimes. But He cares. He cares and He wants us to keep casting our cares to Him even if we think he isn't biting. Oh my, I need to go to bed. But you get the drift. (see what I did there?)
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Love
Don't let the scripture stop you. If you aren't a Bible reader, please keep reading, give the blog a try!
1 Corinthians 13:4-8New International Version (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
Let me rewrite that in a different form.
Love is Patient.
Love is Kind.
Love does Not envy.
Love does Not boast.
Love is Not proud.
Love does Not dishonor others.
Love is Not self seeking.
Love is Not easily angered.
Love keeps No record of wrongs.
Love does Not delight in evil.
Love Rejoices with the truth.
Love Always protects.
Love Always trusts.
Love Always hopes.
Love Always perseveres.
Love Never Fails.
Love. We use that word all the time. All The Time. I love that movie! I love chocolate mint ice cream! I would love to go with you! Don't you love this picture? I love my husband. I love my children. I just love the ocean. I love amusement parks. I could go on and on. The word love is used a lot in our current time and I think we don't often stop and really think about what love is. So, I went straight to scripture.
Most of us have heard this verse about 10,000 times if you grew up in the church and maybe half that if you didn't. It is used in weddings all the time and in all kinds of songs. But do we really believe it? Do we really think about what each of those lines means? And if you have, do you succeed all the time? I know I don't. I'm not patient and neither is my love. My love doesn't always hope, it angers easily, and sometimes is proud. I have failed in every single one of these. But I try! I try to be kind and patient and nonenvious and I try to persevere and hope. When I realize I am faulting in something, I go to God and ask Him to help me understand what I am doing wrong and fix it. (I have found the first step in fixing something is to realize you are doing it wrong to begin with. If you don't know you are wrong, how can you get right?) Sometimes I realize on my own but usually it is pointed out by my friends and family. That hurts. But they wouldn't correct me if they didn't love me, right? Oh dang, there's that word again.
Here is a challenge for each of you. Meditate on each of those lines up there. Take some time to really think about each of them and how you live them everyday with your friends, spouses, children, parents, co-workers, fellow students, whoever. Are you really patient? Kind? Honoring? Seeking others happiness above your own? Not easily angered? Do you keep a record of wrongs? Do you boast about your good loving deeds? Are you protecting those whom you love the most? Be honest with yourself. If you aren't sure if you are doing ok, ask those who love you the most. Be ready for their answer. They may just be honest and sometimes honesty is painful. Talk to your spouses. Your kids. Your friends. Whether you are a Christian or not, those lines are for you. They are for me. Love is a special gift and we need to treat it carefully.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Racism?
My 15 year old and I were having a discussion about segregation in schools and we realized something. When I was a kid (say that in an old person's voice) schools had only been desegregated for about 20 years. I went to elementary school in South Carolina and I don't remember any of us caring if we were white, black, or purple. It wasn't until middle and high school that the real separations occured. In high school, I moved from SC to MD and we moved to a town that was highly acceptable of anybody, any race, any color. I remember visiting my old school in SC after living in MD for about 8 months and couldn't believe the difference! The difference in myself and in my old hometown. I wasn't used to separation anymore, I wasn't used to having to even think about what color people were.
Back to the conversation between myself and my 15 year old. She said in her high school there really aren't color distinctions. People hang out with people and color doesn't factor in. She is going to school about 40 years after desegregation. She is friends with a white girl, an African boy, a Hispanic girl, and the whitest of white girls. She makes me look real tan. My older daughter has a white friend who is dating a black guy and she is also friends with an Asian girl and a biracial girl. All these beautiful people mixing together, sharing their lives and not worrying about what color they are.
I know there are still pockets of segregation and hate. In our own lovely state of Maryland there is still an active Klan in a town not far from our house. My husband has reffed there before, he was the only black person present. I know there is still work to be done but it is getting better. I hope that when my grandchildren go to school, about 60 years after desegregation, they will be shocked to hear that blacks and whites used to be separated on purpose. I hope they are horrified, just as we were horrified to learn about the Holocaust when we were kids.
I am not asking people to be colorblind, color is beautiful! All my kids are a different color and each one is gorgeous and unique. I am asking people to look at character, look at souls, actions, and color. I can't help being born white and wouldn't ask to be another color. I am guessing that that is true about most people. They can't change their skin color and wouldn't want to. But you can change your attitude. You can stop stereotyping people. You can stop separating yourself from people who don't look like you.
What about you? Did you go to school during segregation times? Do you remember the separation of color when you were a kid? Do you think it's getting better? Do you have a story to share? Tell me about it!
Back to the conversation between myself and my 15 year old. She said in her high school there really aren't color distinctions. People hang out with people and color doesn't factor in. She is going to school about 40 years after desegregation. She is friends with a white girl, an African boy, a Hispanic girl, and the whitest of white girls. She makes me look real tan. My older daughter has a white friend who is dating a black guy and she is also friends with an Asian girl and a biracial girl. All these beautiful people mixing together, sharing their lives and not worrying about what color they are.
I know there are still pockets of segregation and hate. In our own lovely state of Maryland there is still an active Klan in a town not far from our house. My husband has reffed there before, he was the only black person present. I know there is still work to be done but it is getting better. I hope that when my grandchildren go to school, about 60 years after desegregation, they will be shocked to hear that blacks and whites used to be separated on purpose. I hope they are horrified, just as we were horrified to learn about the Holocaust when we were kids.
I am not asking people to be colorblind, color is beautiful! All my kids are a different color and each one is gorgeous and unique. I am asking people to look at character, look at souls, actions, and color. I can't help being born white and wouldn't ask to be another color. I am guessing that that is true about most people. They can't change their skin color and wouldn't want to. But you can change your attitude. You can stop stereotyping people. You can stop separating yourself from people who don't look like you.
What about you? Did you go to school during segregation times? Do you remember the separation of color when you were a kid? Do you think it's getting better? Do you have a story to share? Tell me about it!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Can you handle it?
Hey ya'll!! It's been awhile since I posted, I had to go back through my old posts to make sure this wasn't going to be a duplicate.
Today, I want to give some advice for people who are interested in dating outside your race, color, ethnicity, etc. A few months ago, I was asked to give some words of wisdom to a friend of mine's white niece who was preparing to marry a black guy. I had to think about it but here is what I came up with.
1. You need to enjoy being different.
Do you like to fit in? Do you worry what people think of you? If so, do not get involved with a person of another race. People will stare at you and question what you are doing. I got to thinking about myself and my friends who are involved in inter-racial relationships and this was a common theme, they like to stand out. It may be with their opinions, their dress, or their desire to do something crazy. Or they were super self confident. I was the crazy one, my husband was super confident.
2. Make sure you and your partner can openly discuss things.
I question my husband frequently about race issues. He answers. We can openly discuss sensitive topics without him worrying if I am racist or vice versa. I love my husband and he loves me. Make sure your lines of communication are open because topics and issues will come up and you need to be willing to discuss them.
3. Be ready for some hate.
Regardless of your loving family, open minded freinds, and happy church family, somebody will hate what you have done. Be ready. Nasty looks, snide comments, maybe even open hostility. You will run across someone someday who will not be happy. I never had anything prepared to say but I just remembered that Jesus had sanctioned my marriage and He loves me even if these people don't.
4. Learn to do hair.
Your children will not have black or white hair, they will have some kind of mix. If you are white and you only know how to deal with straight hair, learn how to braid immediately. Be ready to take a trip down the aisle at Walmart that has the black hair products. Get your girls sleep caps, it helps keep the frizz down. Be ready to play with different creams, gels, shampoos, conditioners, and hairstyles. I can't count the number of things we tried before we realized that the "frizz ease" stuff works best for my kids (we call it the frizzy stuff). Dove has a great moisturizing shampoo and conditioner that works well with my kids hair too. If you are black, be ready to accept that your hair products that work so well with your hair may not work with your kids, it may be too heavy. Your kids hair may need to be washed more or less frequently than your own. My girls wash their hair everyday but my friend's daughter only needs to wash hers about once a week. Try different things and be open minded. Ask questions if you need to.
5. Love.
Love your spouse, love your kids, love your in-laws, love the people who hate. Love, love love!!! I can't say it enough! The percentage of inter-racial couples who divorce is, I think, is twice as high than same race couples. I think the percentage is 98%, 98% of interracial couples will divorce. Love your spouse, communicate, be open-minded, and love! Learn to love the things that are different about his or her past and accept them. Let your children see how much you love each other. Be affectionate.
As I was reading this post over, I believe these rules apply to those that adopt children from other races. You will get comments, hatred, weird looks, stupid questions, and have hair you don't know what to do with. I have had friends who foster ask my advice on how to do their biracial or black babies hair. My favorite questions are from other kids and they accept my answers so cutely. One little boy in my 5 year old's kindergarten class asked me, "Why is she black and you're white?" I said to him, "Her dad is black and I am white." His eyes got all big and he said, "Me too! My dad is black and my mom is white!" All the other kids who were standing around start yelling out what their parents are and it ended up being a really cute conversation. They didn't care that she was mixed, they just wanted to know.
What can you add to this post? An experience? Another hunk of advice? A funny story? My biggest question though, is, Can you handle it?
Today, I want to give some advice for people who are interested in dating outside your race, color, ethnicity, etc. A few months ago, I was asked to give some words of wisdom to a friend of mine's white niece who was preparing to marry a black guy. I had to think about it but here is what I came up with.
1. You need to enjoy being different.
Do you like to fit in? Do you worry what people think of you? If so, do not get involved with a person of another race. People will stare at you and question what you are doing. I got to thinking about myself and my friends who are involved in inter-racial relationships and this was a common theme, they like to stand out. It may be with their opinions, their dress, or their desire to do something crazy. Or they were super self confident. I was the crazy one, my husband was super confident.
2. Make sure you and your partner can openly discuss things.
I question my husband frequently about race issues. He answers. We can openly discuss sensitive topics without him worrying if I am racist or vice versa. I love my husband and he loves me. Make sure your lines of communication are open because topics and issues will come up and you need to be willing to discuss them.
3. Be ready for some hate.
Regardless of your loving family, open minded freinds, and happy church family, somebody will hate what you have done. Be ready. Nasty looks, snide comments, maybe even open hostility. You will run across someone someday who will not be happy. I never had anything prepared to say but I just remembered that Jesus had sanctioned my marriage and He loves me even if these people don't.
4. Learn to do hair.
Your children will not have black or white hair, they will have some kind of mix. If you are white and you only know how to deal with straight hair, learn how to braid immediately. Be ready to take a trip down the aisle at Walmart that has the black hair products. Get your girls sleep caps, it helps keep the frizz down. Be ready to play with different creams, gels, shampoos, conditioners, and hairstyles. I can't count the number of things we tried before we realized that the "frizz ease" stuff works best for my kids (we call it the frizzy stuff). Dove has a great moisturizing shampoo and conditioner that works well with my kids hair too. If you are black, be ready to accept that your hair products that work so well with your hair may not work with your kids, it may be too heavy. Your kids hair may need to be washed more or less frequently than your own. My girls wash their hair everyday but my friend's daughter only needs to wash hers about once a week. Try different things and be open minded. Ask questions if you need to.
5. Love.
Love your spouse, love your kids, love your in-laws, love the people who hate. Love, love love!!! I can't say it enough! The percentage of inter-racial couples who divorce is, I think, is twice as high than same race couples. I think the percentage is 98%, 98% of interracial couples will divorce. Love your spouse, communicate, be open-minded, and love! Learn to love the things that are different about his or her past and accept them. Let your children see how much you love each other. Be affectionate.
As I was reading this post over, I believe these rules apply to those that adopt children from other races. You will get comments, hatred, weird looks, stupid questions, and have hair you don't know what to do with. I have had friends who foster ask my advice on how to do their biracial or black babies hair. My favorite questions are from other kids and they accept my answers so cutely. One little boy in my 5 year old's kindergarten class asked me, "Why is she black and you're white?" I said to him, "Her dad is black and I am white." His eyes got all big and he said, "Me too! My dad is black and my mom is white!" All the other kids who were standing around start yelling out what their parents are and it ended up being a really cute conversation. They didn't care that she was mixed, they just wanted to know.
What can you add to this post? An experience? Another hunk of advice? A funny story? My biggest question though, is, Can you handle it?
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Lord!! Please!! Not the remote!!
Arguments run abound in my house of teenagers and tweenagers and little guys. I have recently witnessed with my own eyes a fight over a seat on the couch, a fight for a seat at the table (they are assigned by the way) a fight over a seat in the van (also assigned), who will get to pick the tv show, and who will get to use the pair of headphones we use for the computers. I'm not talking about petty arguments, these things escalate into yelling, tears, they generally end up involving another sibling who tries to mediate, and then a punishment. Today, our Christmas break, oh I'm sorry, our Holiday Break started at 3:12 when my kids got off the bus from school. I opened the floodgates of media that have been off limits all week and the arguments started. It ended up with my 12 year old and my 11 year old fighting and my 14 year old jumped in to try and mediate and only made it worse. I called my 2 younger ones in to my room and we had a little discussion. What my children seem to lack is LOVE. I mean love the verb, not the fuzzy feeling. They do not seem to love their siblings enough to give up something they want for the happiness of their sibling. Kids are born as little selfish beings so it is natural to them to get what they want, even if it means hurting someone else. Loving someone unselfishly is something that is taught and learned, not a natural thing. The argument I gave them was this, "If God was willing to give us His son and Jesus was willing to give His life, what are you willing to give?" As we discussed this in real life examples, I saw an understanding come over them. I know they don't truly get it and I know we will have to have this same discussion again, but today, they got it.
I spent some time in the car rethinking this train of thought and I came to realize that most adults don't get this concept either. Are we Christians really able to give? Give up? Give up all? How many of you have heard this in church or a prayer group, "Lord! I'm an empty vessel, fill me up!!" Really? Totally empty? Bone dry? Or are you half filled with your natural desires and you want God to top you up? Should we be saying, "Lord, I am pretty happy but I want you in there too, there's some room on the side, just squeeze in next to my favorite hobby and my best friend." How many of us are really willing to give up ALL to allow God to truly fill us? Would you be willing to sell your possessions? Move to China? Quit your job? (this is for the people who love their job) Take in an ailing parent? Downsize? Take on a ministry at your church? We pray for God to use us, to fill us, but it's usually on our terms, not His. "Lord, use me but make sure it's something I feel like doing".
I know this is something I struggle with everyday. I am willing to give up my seat on a bus for a stranger but I won't give up the remote to my husband. I am willing to give money to my friend but don't want to give my kid money to go to the movies. I am selfish but I want God to use me. I know lots of people like this. They love Jesus, they want to be used, and they don't want to be selfish. They want to be Lovers (the verb) but life gets in the way sometimes.
Do you struggle with this? What will you give, knowing that the God we serve gave so much? Will you be a Lover (you know the verb)?
I spent some time in the car rethinking this train of thought and I came to realize that most adults don't get this concept either. Are we Christians really able to give? Give up? Give up all? How many of you have heard this in church or a prayer group, "Lord! I'm an empty vessel, fill me up!!" Really? Totally empty? Bone dry? Or are you half filled with your natural desires and you want God to top you up? Should we be saying, "Lord, I am pretty happy but I want you in there too, there's some room on the side, just squeeze in next to my favorite hobby and my best friend." How many of us are really willing to give up ALL to allow God to truly fill us? Would you be willing to sell your possessions? Move to China? Quit your job? (this is for the people who love their job) Take in an ailing parent? Downsize? Take on a ministry at your church? We pray for God to use us, to fill us, but it's usually on our terms, not His. "Lord, use me but make sure it's something I feel like doing".
I know this is something I struggle with everyday. I am willing to give up my seat on a bus for a stranger but I won't give up the remote to my husband. I am willing to give money to my friend but don't want to give my kid money to go to the movies. I am selfish but I want God to use me. I know lots of people like this. They love Jesus, they want to be used, and they don't want to be selfish. They want to be Lovers (the verb) but life gets in the way sometimes.
Do you struggle with this? What will you give, knowing that the God we serve gave so much? Will you be a Lover (you know the verb)?
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Children: Blessing or Hindrance?
Last month on Facebook, I did 30 days of thankfulness. I loved writing each one and wanted to do something similiar in December. This month, I am doing 31 days of "Count Your Blessings" My status today is going to be short but I wanted to expound on something that comes up quite frequently in my life and I'm sure it has come up in yours if you are a parent or a sibling.
My children are a blessing to me, everyday. I love seeing their faces, hearing the funny things they say, seeing them grow and change, and watching them succeed. I have 6 kids, 6 very different kids who all make my day brighter in their own unique way. I did not choose to have 6 kids, God chose for me. He knew I would need each one of these little Blessings to help me be a better person and to draw me closer to Him. I am trying to enjoy each stage such as it is and try not to look forward too fast to what is to come.
More often than I want to count, people have made comments that stuck with me in a negative way. They saw my children as a hindrance, a background noise that needed to go away. One day we were at a bank and the teller was commenting on the number of children I had. Here's how it went down.
lady: "Wow! You have 6 kids!"
me: "Yes I do".
lady: "I bet you can't wait til school starts!"
me: "Maam, I didn't have 6 kids to send them to school. I actually like being with my kids and in fact, I homeschool all of them."
lady:"Oh, I didn't mean it like that!"
Sure she did. She saw children as a status symbol and while they are in free babysitting (school) all day I can pursue my own interests. She didn't see them as a blessing, a gift from God to my husband and me.
Another time, we were fostering 3 boys so we had 9 children 11 and under. I took all 9 somewhere and some lady walked up to me and said in a snoddy voice, "Please tell me they are not all yours!" I retorted : Ok, they're not all mine. And I walked away. She did not see children as a blessing. She saw them as a problem, a horde of bees maybe. Eww, kids.
My children are mine and I love them. Even when they are rotten little brats, I love them. Even when I resolve to be mad at one (or a few), I can't stay that way. I love them. They are a blessing to me in so many ways. I am willing to put my life on hold, to put my dreams to the side so that they can have as much as me as possible. I am willing to put my plans to the side if necessary so that they can do their thing. And I love them doing their thing. I love seeing them play their instruments, draw their pictures, bring home a good test grade, pick out their own funky outfits, try out new hairstyles, sing songs, and decorate their rooms. It's my job as a parent to make sure my kids feel loved and accepted by me, not as an aggravation or a hindrance to my life.
My favorite place to tell people I was pregnant was at church. Out in public people would yell out, "You're pregnant again? Don't you know what causes that? How are you going to afford 6 children? What were you thinking?" Etc. At church: "Congratulations! It was about that time, you had gone a whole 3 weeks without being pregnant so we knew it was coming. Oh, your children are so sweet and beautiful, we can't wait til this one is born. I am so happy for you." My church (and my family) see children as a blessing. An individual gift to unwrap and enjoy.
How do you view children? As a Blessing, a joy, an addition to your life? Or an 18 year blight, a curse upon mankind, a distraction to what is really important?
My children are a blessing to me, everyday. I love seeing their faces, hearing the funny things they say, seeing them grow and change, and watching them succeed. I have 6 kids, 6 very different kids who all make my day brighter in their own unique way. I did not choose to have 6 kids, God chose for me. He knew I would need each one of these little Blessings to help me be a better person and to draw me closer to Him. I am trying to enjoy each stage such as it is and try not to look forward too fast to what is to come.
More often than I want to count, people have made comments that stuck with me in a negative way. They saw my children as a hindrance, a background noise that needed to go away. One day we were at a bank and the teller was commenting on the number of children I had. Here's how it went down.
lady: "Wow! You have 6 kids!"
me: "Yes I do".
lady: "I bet you can't wait til school starts!"
me: "Maam, I didn't have 6 kids to send them to school. I actually like being with my kids and in fact, I homeschool all of them."
lady:"Oh, I didn't mean it like that!"
Sure she did. She saw children as a status symbol and while they are in free babysitting (school) all day I can pursue my own interests. She didn't see them as a blessing, a gift from God to my husband and me.
Another time, we were fostering 3 boys so we had 9 children 11 and under. I took all 9 somewhere and some lady walked up to me and said in a snoddy voice, "Please tell me they are not all yours!" I retorted : Ok, they're not all mine. And I walked away. She did not see children as a blessing. She saw them as a problem, a horde of bees maybe. Eww, kids.
My children are mine and I love them. Even when they are rotten little brats, I love them. Even when I resolve to be mad at one (or a few), I can't stay that way. I love them. They are a blessing to me in so many ways. I am willing to put my life on hold, to put my dreams to the side so that they can have as much as me as possible. I am willing to put my plans to the side if necessary so that they can do their thing. And I love them doing their thing. I love seeing them play their instruments, draw their pictures, bring home a good test grade, pick out their own funky outfits, try out new hairstyles, sing songs, and decorate their rooms. It's my job as a parent to make sure my kids feel loved and accepted by me, not as an aggravation or a hindrance to my life.
My favorite place to tell people I was pregnant was at church. Out in public people would yell out, "You're pregnant again? Don't you know what causes that? How are you going to afford 6 children? What were you thinking?" Etc. At church: "Congratulations! It was about that time, you had gone a whole 3 weeks without being pregnant so we knew it was coming. Oh, your children are so sweet and beautiful, we can't wait til this one is born. I am so happy for you." My church (and my family) see children as a blessing. An individual gift to unwrap and enjoy.
How do you view children? As a Blessing, a joy, an addition to your life? Or an 18 year blight, a curse upon mankind, a distraction to what is really important?
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
I am slightly offended
For those who know me, I do not get offended easily. I get angry easily and defensive, but not usually offended. I saw something today that got me thinking so I facebooked it and it evoked some comments and I figured I'd blog about it.
I went to a Wells Fargo bank this morning and there was this sign in the parking lot:
LOW EMISSIONS VEHICLE PARKING ONLY
I am slightly offended. I realize low emission vehicles are a great thing and I am all for them but I simply cannot afford one and they do not make one in a "family size". Or at least, my family size. I have owned my van (see previous blogs for details) for over 6 years and God and my wonderful mechanic have kept it running and on the road. I simply cannot afford a new car right now. Even if I did get a new one, it wouldn't be one of the new low emissions vehicles because, again, they don't come in 8 passenger. And if, by my lack of education in the matter, they do come in 8 passenger models, I can't afford them. So now what? That means at the bank I have to walk 10-15 extra steps to the front door because the spots that border the building are reserved for low emissions vehicles. That is just dumb. I'm sorry but it is. Is that supposed to be incentive for me to get a loan from said bank to buy a vehicle so I can park 10 feet closer to your building? Um, no. I am not going into more debt so I can park closer to your building. A friend of mine says they have those parking spots reserved at her local library. Really? Shouldn't those spots be saved for people with children so the kids don't have to run across the road in the rain? Or for older patrons so they don't have to walk as far? No, they are for the young wealthy people who can afford a nicer car. I am not against young and wealthy and I am not against those of you who are better with your money than I am, I just don't think you deserve or should get a better parking spot because of it.
Another friend of mine said those signs aren't law so she doesn't have to honor them. I did honor it but only because I knew if I backed into the spot (which I have to do since I can't really back out of parking spots well in the 15 passenger) and I hit the sign with my less than low emissions vehicle, they would probably make me buy another one. And since gas costs a fortune these days, I really can't afford to replace the sign.
So what do you think? Do you think businesses can really put up a sign that reserves spots for certain kinds of cars? What would be next? Should we all stand outside the Wells Fargo and protest? I am all for it if it's not raining. If it is, we can just sit in my running van and wave our signs out the windows.
I went to a Wells Fargo bank this morning and there was this sign in the parking lot:
LOW EMISSIONS VEHICLE PARKING ONLY
I am slightly offended. I realize low emission vehicles are a great thing and I am all for them but I simply cannot afford one and they do not make one in a "family size". Or at least, my family size. I have owned my van (see previous blogs for details) for over 6 years and God and my wonderful mechanic have kept it running and on the road. I simply cannot afford a new car right now. Even if I did get a new one, it wouldn't be one of the new low emissions vehicles because, again, they don't come in 8 passenger. And if, by my lack of education in the matter, they do come in 8 passenger models, I can't afford them. So now what? That means at the bank I have to walk 10-15 extra steps to the front door because the spots that border the building are reserved for low emissions vehicles. That is just dumb. I'm sorry but it is. Is that supposed to be incentive for me to get a loan from said bank to buy a vehicle so I can park 10 feet closer to your building? Um, no. I am not going into more debt so I can park closer to your building. A friend of mine says they have those parking spots reserved at her local library. Really? Shouldn't those spots be saved for people with children so the kids don't have to run across the road in the rain? Or for older patrons so they don't have to walk as far? No, they are for the young wealthy people who can afford a nicer car. I am not against young and wealthy and I am not against those of you who are better with your money than I am, I just don't think you deserve or should get a better parking spot because of it.
Another friend of mine said those signs aren't law so she doesn't have to honor them. I did honor it but only because I knew if I backed into the spot (which I have to do since I can't really back out of parking spots well in the 15 passenger) and I hit the sign with my less than low emissions vehicle, they would probably make me buy another one. And since gas costs a fortune these days, I really can't afford to replace the sign.
So what do you think? Do you think businesses can really put up a sign that reserves spots for certain kinds of cars? What would be next? Should we all stand outside the Wells Fargo and protest? I am all for it if it's not raining. If it is, we can just sit in my running van and wave our signs out the windows.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Time. Defined.
I use my children as points of reference to define the time things happened in my life. I'm sure ya'll do too but I will give an example just in case you have no idea what I am talking about. Our church is having a 10 year anniversary celebration! I was pregnant with my 5th child when we moved into that building. Wow, no wonder I don't remember a single event, including the Christmas play I was in. Or: I remember when we went to Cancun, we only had 3 kids then and I was pregnant! My life, at least in the last 17 years, has been defined by which kid I was pregnant with or nursing at the time. Since the majority of the people I hang with are in a similiar stage of life, I hadn't realized I was doing this until I started college. This year, one of my 18 year old classmates asked me, "Why do you define time by which kid you were pregnant with?" Her question stumped me (but only for a second). I asked her what defining times did she have in her life. Going from middle school to high school maybe or before or after she went to some great camp that changed her life. Life is doled out moment to moment but we don't remember it that way. We remember it in chunks and by the people that were important in that chunk. So, I remember Cancun and I remember I was pregnant because I couldn't imbibe in the all you can drink option that came with our plan. I remember going to MI with my friend and our combined 12 children, including my 3 month old and her 3 week old. We will forever define that trip with those 2 babies ages. I remember when our church opened it's doors to our brand new building 10 years ago because I was holding my only son in my arms.
How do you define time? Before or after your marriage? Maybe it's a significant death that is your marking. Maybe it's when you became an empty nester or a first time parent. Or maybe it's when you got devastating news like, "Before the cancer". All of us define time in some way. What's your way?
How do you define time? Before or after your marriage? Maybe it's a significant death that is your marking. Maybe it's when you became an empty nester or a first time parent. Or maybe it's when you got devastating news like, "Before the cancer". All of us define time in some way. What's your way?
Thursday, November 10, 2011
A Random Stranger
This is a long Isabelism, figured I'd blog it.
5 of my kids and I went to Home Depot to make fancy keys for those children responsible enough to keep track of their key. We are all surrounding the key machine and picking out fancy keys and playing with the doorknobs in the aisle, clogging up the whole area. This young man, probably around 25 years old or so, walks by with a fabulous walking stick/cane with a snake engraved on it. The snake is wrapped around the stick and it is all beautifully painted. He limps slowly through my mass of younguns and Isabel yells out, "Hey! I know that story!" The guy stops and looks at her, quizzically. Then he stops, stoops down a little and says, "Tell me the story". Wow. Hold on, gotta get a tissue, I'm tearing up. So, Isabel proceeds to tell him about the story in the Bible where the Israelites have to look upon the bronze snake on a stick or they will die. The man knows the story and they have a small conversation about it and then he walks away. What a moment. My daughter, totally ignoring the fact that the guy was lame, sees a snake on a stick and thinks of the Bible. This man, who probably has more on his mind than a kid asking him questions, stops to have a quiet conversation with my 5 year old about God. I mean, how many young people would do that? Would you stop and take the time to talk to a small kid in a Home Depot because they yell out a comment? I was so impressed by that young man's character. He certainly taught me a lesson today.
5 of my kids and I went to Home Depot to make fancy keys for those children responsible enough to keep track of their key. We are all surrounding the key machine and picking out fancy keys and playing with the doorknobs in the aisle, clogging up the whole area. This young man, probably around 25 years old or so, walks by with a fabulous walking stick/cane with a snake engraved on it. The snake is wrapped around the stick and it is all beautifully painted. He limps slowly through my mass of younguns and Isabel yells out, "Hey! I know that story!" The guy stops and looks at her, quizzically. Then he stops, stoops down a little and says, "Tell me the story". Wow. Hold on, gotta get a tissue, I'm tearing up. So, Isabel proceeds to tell him about the story in the Bible where the Israelites have to look upon the bronze snake on a stick or they will die. The man knows the story and they have a small conversation about it and then he walks away. What a moment. My daughter, totally ignoring the fact that the guy was lame, sees a snake on a stick and thinks of the Bible. This man, who probably has more on his mind than a kid asking him questions, stops to have a quiet conversation with my 5 year old about God. I mean, how many young people would do that? Would you stop and take the time to talk to a small kid in a Home Depot because they yell out a comment? I was so impressed by that young man's character. He certainly taught me a lesson today.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Drugs: good for kids? Maybe...
I hope the title made you read this because that was my intent : ) A friend of mine sent me an article (wish I still had the link) a while ago in the hopes I would write a blog about it but my life is kinda crazy and I just don't have the time to blog as much. I am making some time today!
The article he sent was about parents drugging children in certain situations and what was our opinion. For instance, would we give our kids a medicine that made them sleepy so they would be good on a trip. This is one I would think alot of parents might do, especially if they are flying. A pro for inducing sleep would be that the child would sleep most of the trip and the parent would be less stressed. A con is that you are giving a child medicine that is not really doing what it is supposed to just so your life can be easier. There may be a unique situation where this would be the only option, but I don't think this is appropriate for most of the time. I would consider that an act of "lazy parenting". "This makes my life easier so I am going to do it even if it has a negative effect on my child" I personally have never intentionally given my children a medicine so they would sleep when I wanted them to. We travel alot and my kids are used to it so they are pretty good travelers.
I found the article, you can look at it here: http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/08/10/7321836-medicating-your-kids-for-peace-and-quiet-is-it-ever-ok
Another reason for medicating a child is so they will sleep through the night and the parent can have peace and quiet. When we sign up for parenting, we sign away peace and quiet. If we stick to our guns when they are babies, most of the time, kids learn to sleep through the night anyways. There are always exceptions to this but most healthy babies will sleep through the night by 6 months. So basically, if you are drugging your child at 3, 4, 5, whatever, you are teaching your child they need medication to sleep instead of a good habit you should have trained into them when they were little. If you need peace and quiet, check out one of my previous blog about having some me time. Otherwise, suck it up and teach your child how to sleep through the night the healthy way. I have a friend who recently did this with her 5 year old because she had always just slept in the parent's bed. It only took a few days of training and being strict and disciplined and now she is in her room in her bed. The parents can just be husband and wife now in their marriage bed.
One last reason I will put out there is still controversial and will remain controversial for some time. Yes folks, I'm talking about ADD/ADHD meds. Before I start getting hate mail, let me say that I am not against medicating for ADD/ADHD but BUT I do think kids today are overmedicated and not just for this condition. Ok, I said it now I can continue my post. I am addressing this part to parents that are quick to put their kid on a medicine because they want that child's behavior to improve. They want a diagnosis so that their life and their child's life can be easier. I think that there are alot of kids out there that just were not trained to obey and to be respectful and are put on meds as an easy way out. These medications can have serious side effects and will not help a child unless they have a condition. Putting a little guy on medicine because he is wiggly or a mover is not going to help you in the future. I have a couple kids with attention issues and with wiggly issues but teaching them techniques was way more helpful than medication. One of my kids needed to be holding something when she did school so I let her, as long as it didn't interfere with her work. Another kid needed a focus item, something she could look at it and remember to keep at her work instead of daydream. There are alternatives to medication! To those of you who really have a child with that condition and medication has worked, then good! I know medication can't always be avoided and can sometimes be a necessity.
I will end with a story. When my (wiggly) son was 4 the Sunday school teacher pulled me aside one week. "LaShelle, I need to talk to you about your son." I am expecting the worst, did he hit someone, jump out of his chair, etc. "Yes? What did he do?" teacher: "He wouldn't sit still during story time" me: (after a long silence) "Is that it?" teacher: "Well, yes! He should sit still" me: "I don't expect my 4 year old son to sit still during story time. He's 4 and he is in this room for almost 2 hours"
Maybe our expectations for our children are not accurate. No 4 year old, boy or girl, is going to sit still during story time, especially if it happens to be a boring story. Boys especially have trouble sitting still even into their teen years. Kids are going to have rough nights and rough trips but if we can look at it from the right perspective, then we should all grow from something like that, not resort to medication. Now again, I am addressing healthy parents with healthy children. I know that there are exceptions to this and some kids need sleep meds and some parents are sick or whatever the situation may be.
What do you think? Should kids be drugged for trips? For sleeping through the night? To have them behave a certain way?
The article he sent was about parents drugging children in certain situations and what was our opinion. For instance, would we give our kids a medicine that made them sleepy so they would be good on a trip. This is one I would think alot of parents might do, especially if they are flying. A pro for inducing sleep would be that the child would sleep most of the trip and the parent would be less stressed. A con is that you are giving a child medicine that is not really doing what it is supposed to just so your life can be easier. There may be a unique situation where this would be the only option, but I don't think this is appropriate for most of the time. I would consider that an act of "lazy parenting". "This makes my life easier so I am going to do it even if it has a negative effect on my child" I personally have never intentionally given my children a medicine so they would sleep when I wanted them to. We travel alot and my kids are used to it so they are pretty good travelers.
I found the article, you can look at it here: http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/08/10/7321836-medicating-your-kids-for-peace-and-quiet-is-it-ever-ok
Another reason for medicating a child is so they will sleep through the night and the parent can have peace and quiet. When we sign up for parenting, we sign away peace and quiet. If we stick to our guns when they are babies, most of the time, kids learn to sleep through the night anyways. There are always exceptions to this but most healthy babies will sleep through the night by 6 months. So basically, if you are drugging your child at 3, 4, 5, whatever, you are teaching your child they need medication to sleep instead of a good habit you should have trained into them when they were little. If you need peace and quiet, check out one of my previous blog about having some me time. Otherwise, suck it up and teach your child how to sleep through the night the healthy way. I have a friend who recently did this with her 5 year old because she had always just slept in the parent's bed. It only took a few days of training and being strict and disciplined and now she is in her room in her bed. The parents can just be husband and wife now in their marriage bed.
One last reason I will put out there is still controversial and will remain controversial for some time. Yes folks, I'm talking about ADD/ADHD meds. Before I start getting hate mail, let me say that I am not against medicating for ADD/ADHD but BUT I do think kids today are overmedicated and not just for this condition. Ok, I said it now I can continue my post. I am addressing this part to parents that are quick to put their kid on a medicine because they want that child's behavior to improve. They want a diagnosis so that their life and their child's life can be easier. I think that there are alot of kids out there that just were not trained to obey and to be respectful and are put on meds as an easy way out. These medications can have serious side effects and will not help a child unless they have a condition. Putting a little guy on medicine because he is wiggly or a mover is not going to help you in the future. I have a couple kids with attention issues and with wiggly issues but teaching them techniques was way more helpful than medication. One of my kids needed to be holding something when she did school so I let her, as long as it didn't interfere with her work. Another kid needed a focus item, something she could look at it and remember to keep at her work instead of daydream. There are alternatives to medication! To those of you who really have a child with that condition and medication has worked, then good! I know medication can't always be avoided and can sometimes be a necessity.
I will end with a story. When my (wiggly) son was 4 the Sunday school teacher pulled me aside one week. "LaShelle, I need to talk to you about your son." I am expecting the worst, did he hit someone, jump out of his chair, etc. "Yes? What did he do?" teacher: "He wouldn't sit still during story time" me: (after a long silence) "Is that it?" teacher: "Well, yes! He should sit still" me: "I don't expect my 4 year old son to sit still during story time. He's 4 and he is in this room for almost 2 hours"
Maybe our expectations for our children are not accurate. No 4 year old, boy or girl, is going to sit still during story time, especially if it happens to be a boring story. Boys especially have trouble sitting still even into their teen years. Kids are going to have rough nights and rough trips but if we can look at it from the right perspective, then we should all grow from something like that, not resort to medication. Now again, I am addressing healthy parents with healthy children. I know that there are exceptions to this and some kids need sleep meds and some parents are sick or whatever the situation may be.
What do you think? Should kids be drugged for trips? For sleeping through the night? To have them behave a certain way?
Thursday, October 13, 2011
A Parent's Responsibility
Long time no see my friends! Whew, what a crazy start to the school year!! I really shouldn't even be writing this, I have a paper due but what the heck! Everyone needs a little release now and then.
A couple things have happened to me or around me recently and it got me thinking, what are our responsibilities as parents? I don't mean the big things like discipline, teaching them about our Savior, or education. I'm talking about the little day to day things or things our society tells us are our or aren't our responsibilities (is that too many letter i(s) in that word? dang). Anyway, I know some of my friends read this and I am going to share your stories without asking. Please don't give yourself away in the comments and we'll be alright. Also, I have no problem with your lives or these situations, I'm just using them as examples.
The first one is about me. My parents never gave me a "real" copy of my birth certificate. I didn't realize this as it was old and folded up and looked authentic. It wasn't until my spouse and I went on a cruise to the Bahamas that I realized it was a copy of my birth ceritficate. The port authority almost didn't let me go but I pulled out the "I'm so innocent and I had no idea look" and they let me get on with a warning to get a passport. In my parent's defense, they also didn't know it was a copy. The real one is floating around somewhere, we just don't know where. Anyway, my parents are visiting my birth state soon and I asked them to drop by vital records and get me a real birth certificate. The response I got was, "That's not my responsibility but I will try" (responsibility has too many i's) Initially, I was offended and shocked at the response. Of course it is their responsibility to give me a copy of my birth certificate! When I told my husband, he strongly disagreed. He said I'm grown and I should go get my own. So I ask you people, is it a parent's responsibility to furnish their child with a copy of their original birth certificate? I say yes! I have one ready for each of my kids and when they move out, they get to take it and all their crap with them.
The next issue I have is with laundry. As soon as my kids are old enough and tall enough to reach the buttons, they are taught to do laundry. By age 11 or so, the kids are responsible for their own dirty stuff and also for folding and putting away their clean stuff. Now, before someone calls CPS, I do help them from time to time. I help switch it and I help fold if I am not too busy. I'm also a great reminder. "Hey! Kid! Go switch your laundry!" But I have a friend who is the laundry goddess of her home. No kid is allowed to touch the machines or even enter her laundry room without permission. (ok, I'm exaggerating but ya'll get my drift) She runs a tight laundry ship but kids aren't really allowed to help. I am concerned about this and have told her so but she likes her system. So, what do ya'll think? Is it a parent's responsibility to do their child's laundry til they move out or should we have them doing their own? Obviously, I am on the "do their own" side. I don't mind sharing the laundry machines.
The third one I have is about alarm clocks. At what age do we parents stop waking our kids up and start letting them be responsible (can we rewrite that word with fewer "i"s?) for getting themselves up? Middle school? High School? College? Mid-30's? At our house, it's middle school. As soon as our kids start 6th grade, they are given an alarm clock and told to get up by themselves. We are on our 4th kid with this system and it works pretty well. But I know parents who are still waking up their college kids and obviously they are ok with that system. What do you think? What is your policy?
What else? We could talk about teaching kids their social security numbers, letting them drink out of glasses instead of cups, doing outside chores like mowing, etc. Let me hear your stories, your opinions. What is a responsibility you don't think we should have or you think we are not being responsible enough with. Oh my gosh, my "i" finger is tired!!
A couple things have happened to me or around me recently and it got me thinking, what are our responsibilities as parents? I don't mean the big things like discipline, teaching them about our Savior, or education. I'm talking about the little day to day things or things our society tells us are our or aren't our responsibilities (is that too many letter i(s) in that word? dang). Anyway, I know some of my friends read this and I am going to share your stories without asking. Please don't give yourself away in the comments and we'll be alright. Also, I have no problem with your lives or these situations, I'm just using them as examples.
The first one is about me. My parents never gave me a "real" copy of my birth certificate. I didn't realize this as it was old and folded up and looked authentic. It wasn't until my spouse and I went on a cruise to the Bahamas that I realized it was a copy of my birth ceritficate. The port authority almost didn't let me go but I pulled out the "I'm so innocent and I had no idea look" and they let me get on with a warning to get a passport. In my parent's defense, they also didn't know it was a copy. The real one is floating around somewhere, we just don't know where. Anyway, my parents are visiting my birth state soon and I asked them to drop by vital records and get me a real birth certificate. The response I got was, "That's not my responsibility but I will try" (responsibility has too many i's) Initially, I was offended and shocked at the response. Of course it is their responsibility to give me a copy of my birth certificate! When I told my husband, he strongly disagreed. He said I'm grown and I should go get my own. So I ask you people, is it a parent's responsibility to furnish their child with a copy of their original birth certificate? I say yes! I have one ready for each of my kids and when they move out, they get to take it and all their crap with them.
The next issue I have is with laundry. As soon as my kids are old enough and tall enough to reach the buttons, they are taught to do laundry. By age 11 or so, the kids are responsible for their own dirty stuff and also for folding and putting away their clean stuff. Now, before someone calls CPS, I do help them from time to time. I help switch it and I help fold if I am not too busy. I'm also a great reminder. "Hey! Kid! Go switch your laundry!" But I have a friend who is the laundry goddess of her home. No kid is allowed to touch the machines or even enter her laundry room without permission. (ok, I'm exaggerating but ya'll get my drift) She runs a tight laundry ship but kids aren't really allowed to help. I am concerned about this and have told her so but she likes her system. So, what do ya'll think? Is it a parent's responsibility to do their child's laundry til they move out or should we have them doing their own? Obviously, I am on the "do their own" side. I don't mind sharing the laundry machines.
The third one I have is about alarm clocks. At what age do we parents stop waking our kids up and start letting them be responsible (can we rewrite that word with fewer "i"s?) for getting themselves up? Middle school? High School? College? Mid-30's? At our house, it's middle school. As soon as our kids start 6th grade, they are given an alarm clock and told to get up by themselves. We are on our 4th kid with this system and it works pretty well. But I know parents who are still waking up their college kids and obviously they are ok with that system. What do you think? What is your policy?
What else? We could talk about teaching kids their social security numbers, letting them drink out of glasses instead of cups, doing outside chores like mowing, etc. Let me hear your stories, your opinions. What is a responsibility you don't think we should have or you think we are not being responsible enough with. Oh my gosh, my "i" finger is tired!!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
I Remember
This morning as I was drinking my coffee and preparing my heart and mind for worship, I was trying to think of some way to honor the victims and families of 9-11 on Facebook. I wrote a small FB status and I wanted to expound on it. Today this blog will be sad, a little unusual for me.
"I remember where I was on 9/11, I remember the horror and devastation, I remember the fear, I remember the heroes, I remember the stories of heroism, I remember the families, I remember the patriotism this act produced, I am witnessing the rebirth, and I hope that our children and our children's children will Remember."
All week I have had the phrase "I Remember" in my head. I think someone should mass produce bumper stickers and pass them out. Everyone should remember 9-11-01. Everyone. I will never say that I am happy that horrible act of violence and terrorism but I think that my generation needed something like this so we can empathize with others when something bad happens. When the tsunami in Thailand happened, the earthquake in Haiti, the hurricane in Louisiana; my mind immediately went to what I was feeling when the planes flew into the towers.
I remember I was hanging out with my kids at home. My oldest was in public school at the time and I was pregnant with my fifth. My mother-in-law called me and told me to turn the tv on, did I even know what was going on. I turned the tv on and my whole body went numb. I hung up with her and she was the last person I talked to all day, the phone lines were jammed the rest of the day and for days afterward. I fell to the floor, sobbing, watching the tower smoke. The reporters didn't know what was going on, everyone was confused. My small children were looking at me like I was nuts, mommy never watches tv during the day, mommy never cries. I just sat there and cried. My neighbor came by and asked me if I wanted her to get my oldest from school, she was going to get her children. I said yes, I wanted all my children close to me. I went back to watching the tv and then another plane flew into another tower. Then there were reports of a plane crashing in PA. Then the Pentagon. I didn't know how much I could take. They showed people on the streets of NYC crying and covered in white dust. Firefighters and Policemen everywhere. Then the tower crashed down. It was unthinkable. Then the other one. How many Lord? How many were still in there? How many were now dead? Then the flags. All the American flags. They lined the streets, hung on every house, on overpasses, businesses, cars. They were everywhere. What terrorists tried to defeat only made us stronger and more ready to fight back.
I Remember. I will always remember what happened that day. I don't think I will be able to think about that day without tearing up. I can't listen to the memory songs, I can't watch the documentaries, it's too hard. And I didn't even lose anyone that day. Imagine those who did. Maybe you did. If I feel that strongly about something that didn't directly affect me, it must be quadruply hard for those who were there. For those who lost a spouse, child, parent, friend.
Don't forget. Take this tragedy and grow from it. Remember so you can empathize with those going through something similiar. Remember so you will know how it feels and you will have more mercy on your enemies. Tell your children so they can Remember and tell their children.
Do you remember where you were?
"I remember where I was on 9/11, I remember the horror and devastation, I remember the fear, I remember the heroes, I remember the stories of heroism, I remember the families, I remember the patriotism this act produced, I am witnessing the rebirth, and I hope that our children and our children's children will Remember."
All week I have had the phrase "I Remember" in my head. I think someone should mass produce bumper stickers and pass them out. Everyone should remember 9-11-01. Everyone. I will never say that I am happy that horrible act of violence and terrorism but I think that my generation needed something like this so we can empathize with others when something bad happens. When the tsunami in Thailand happened, the earthquake in Haiti, the hurricane in Louisiana; my mind immediately went to what I was feeling when the planes flew into the towers.
I remember I was hanging out with my kids at home. My oldest was in public school at the time and I was pregnant with my fifth. My mother-in-law called me and told me to turn the tv on, did I even know what was going on. I turned the tv on and my whole body went numb. I hung up with her and she was the last person I talked to all day, the phone lines were jammed the rest of the day and for days afterward. I fell to the floor, sobbing, watching the tower smoke. The reporters didn't know what was going on, everyone was confused. My small children were looking at me like I was nuts, mommy never watches tv during the day, mommy never cries. I just sat there and cried. My neighbor came by and asked me if I wanted her to get my oldest from school, she was going to get her children. I said yes, I wanted all my children close to me. I went back to watching the tv and then another plane flew into another tower. Then there were reports of a plane crashing in PA. Then the Pentagon. I didn't know how much I could take. They showed people on the streets of NYC crying and covered in white dust. Firefighters and Policemen everywhere. Then the tower crashed down. It was unthinkable. Then the other one. How many Lord? How many were still in there? How many were now dead? Then the flags. All the American flags. They lined the streets, hung on every house, on overpasses, businesses, cars. They were everywhere. What terrorists tried to defeat only made us stronger and more ready to fight back.
I Remember. I will always remember what happened that day. I don't think I will be able to think about that day without tearing up. I can't listen to the memory songs, I can't watch the documentaries, it's too hard. And I didn't even lose anyone that day. Imagine those who did. Maybe you did. If I feel that strongly about something that didn't directly affect me, it must be quadruply hard for those who were there. For those who lost a spouse, child, parent, friend.
Don't forget. Take this tragedy and grow from it. Remember so you can empathize with those going through something similiar. Remember so you will know how it feels and you will have more mercy on your enemies. Tell your children so they can Remember and tell their children.
Do you remember where you were?
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Family of Flavors
Family of Flavors
by LaShelle
Chocolate cake, warm, delicious, makes you feel good and cozy.
Vanilla Wafers, firm yet sweet, goes well with about anything.
Cinnamon, making the house smell good, adding spice and flavor to everything it touches.
Peanut Butter, smooth and sometimes nutty, leaves a lasting flavor.
Honey, sweetness added to anything, oozing into everything, making it better.
Walnuts, chestnuts, pecans, hard shell on the outside, soft on the inside.
Tea, steeped dark in the summer or hot with milk in the winter, making life happier.
Coffee with cream, fills you with joy and energy.
by LaShelle
Chocolate cake, warm, delicious, makes you feel good and cozy.
Vanilla Wafers, firm yet sweet, goes well with about anything.
Cinnamon, making the house smell good, adding spice and flavor to everything it touches.
Peanut Butter, smooth and sometimes nutty, leaves a lasting flavor.
Honey, sweetness added to anything, oozing into everything, making it better.
Walnuts, chestnuts, pecans, hard shell on the outside, soft on the inside.
Tea, steeped dark in the summer or hot with milk in the winter, making life happier.
Coffee with cream, fills you with joy and energy.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Old and alone
I had a moment today as I was working on a project and I am going to let my mind vent. Let me preface this post with this thought: This thought is totally my own, it is not a passive-aggressive blast at anyone, just my own mind working things out.
I want to live my life in such a way so when I am older, I will have people who love me. I want people to love me enough to hang out with me and spend time with me. Even when I am old and breaking down, I want to have lived a kind of life and raised the type of children that can't wait to come visit me. That want me to spend time with their kids and their kids' kids. I want to show love and concern now and throughout the next few decades so that when I get to the old and breaking down point, I will have surrounded myself with people who truly love me.
Is there a magic formula for growing old with grace and surrounded by loving family? I don't know, I'm only in my 30's. I know that any kind of peaceful life needs to start with Christ. I also know that I need to be a good listener and a good friend to have good friends who will listen to my nonsense. I know that I need to be the best parent to my children and a good grandparent to my future grandkids. I need to make myself available to my family and make efforts to keep in touch with those who are important to me.
What about you? Do you know an older person who is alone alot? How do you nurture your special relationships? Do you want to be alone when you are old or surrounded by family?
I want to live my life in such a way so when I am older, I will have people who love me. I want people to love me enough to hang out with me and spend time with me. Even when I am old and breaking down, I want to have lived a kind of life and raised the type of children that can't wait to come visit me. That want me to spend time with their kids and their kids' kids. I want to show love and concern now and throughout the next few decades so that when I get to the old and breaking down point, I will have surrounded myself with people who truly love me.
Is there a magic formula for growing old with grace and surrounded by loving family? I don't know, I'm only in my 30's. I know that any kind of peaceful life needs to start with Christ. I also know that I need to be a good listener and a good friend to have good friends who will listen to my nonsense. I know that I need to be the best parent to my children and a good grandparent to my future grandkids. I need to make myself available to my family and make efforts to keep in touch with those who are important to me.
What about you? Do you know an older person who is alone alot? How do you nurture your special relationships? Do you want to be alone when you are old or surrounded by family?
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Should children be banned from certain restaurants?
A restaurant in Pennsylvania has banned children under 6 from their restaurant because of noise complaints. I am curious to hear your thoughts. A FB friend of mine put this as her status and a very interesting debate has occured. There seem to be 2 families of thought:
It is discrimination
It is age discrimination for a restaurant to ban anybody because of their age. Everybody should be able to go everywhere all the time. If we allow this ban then it will only escalate to banning all kinds of people.
It is justified
A private restaurant has the right to decide to serve only people ages 7 + because of the type of people it wishes to serve. If people aren't coming to their restaurant because of screaming children, it is hurting business and they have the right to preserve it the way they see fit.
Personally, I could care less if a business chooses not to allow young children. If I have my kids, we just won't be going there for dinner. But if I want a nice romantic night with my spouse, that restaurant would rank quite higher on my list. It is one of those "If you don't like it - don't go there" kind of things.
Recently, we took our whole family to Applebee's for dinner. We sat in a corner booth for big parties and everybody behaved well. Unfortunately, a family of 3 was sitting at the table next to us, 2 parents and a 3 year old little girl. The girl kept twisting the rod to the blinds (that I was facing) so they would shoot open blasting me with sunlight and then shutting, putting us in darkness. After this happened 3 or 4 times, I was ready to complain to either the parents or our waiter. I was facing that window and the sun was shining directly in and it was very uncomfortable for me. My husband, calm and patient (darn him) told me I couldn't complain and just to let it go. Had the parents just gently admonished the child, we could have all eaten in peace. Instead, their dinner was ruined because she wouldn't sit down and be quiet and we were being strobe lighted. In this instance, a ban on children under a certain age would have been quite welcome : )
I think businesses have the right to cater to a certain crowd of people as long as it doesn't become discrimination. We as people also have the right to not eat somewhere if we don't agree with their practices. Being in an interracial marriage, there are some establishments my husband and I don't go to because we don't want to be in an uncomfortable situation. As a woman, there are places I am not going to go to eat like the Gentleman's Gold Club. I am not going to take my kids to Hooters because I don't feel like dealing with boobs. I realize those businesses haven't banned certain ages or people but they have set up their businesses to cater to a certain crowd and it keeps most other crowds out. This restaurant in PA has set up their restaurant to cater to a more upscale group of people and screaming children are not welcome.
What do you think? Do you think it is discrimination? Or do you feel it is a justified ban? Please voice your thoughts but keep it friendly.
It is discrimination
It is age discrimination for a restaurant to ban anybody because of their age. Everybody should be able to go everywhere all the time. If we allow this ban then it will only escalate to banning all kinds of people.
It is justified
A private restaurant has the right to decide to serve only people ages 7 + because of the type of people it wishes to serve. If people aren't coming to their restaurant because of screaming children, it is hurting business and they have the right to preserve it the way they see fit.
Personally, I could care less if a business chooses not to allow young children. If I have my kids, we just won't be going there for dinner. But if I want a nice romantic night with my spouse, that restaurant would rank quite higher on my list. It is one of those "If you don't like it - don't go there" kind of things.
Recently, we took our whole family to Applebee's for dinner. We sat in a corner booth for big parties and everybody behaved well. Unfortunately, a family of 3 was sitting at the table next to us, 2 parents and a 3 year old little girl. The girl kept twisting the rod to the blinds (that I was facing) so they would shoot open blasting me with sunlight and then shutting, putting us in darkness. After this happened 3 or 4 times, I was ready to complain to either the parents or our waiter. I was facing that window and the sun was shining directly in and it was very uncomfortable for me. My husband, calm and patient (darn him) told me I couldn't complain and just to let it go. Had the parents just gently admonished the child, we could have all eaten in peace. Instead, their dinner was ruined because she wouldn't sit down and be quiet and we were being strobe lighted. In this instance, a ban on children under a certain age would have been quite welcome : )
I think businesses have the right to cater to a certain crowd of people as long as it doesn't become discrimination. We as people also have the right to not eat somewhere if we don't agree with their practices. Being in an interracial marriage, there are some establishments my husband and I don't go to because we don't want to be in an uncomfortable situation. As a woman, there are places I am not going to go to eat like the Gentleman's Gold Club. I am not going to take my kids to Hooters because I don't feel like dealing with boobs. I realize those businesses haven't banned certain ages or people but they have set up their businesses to cater to a certain crowd and it keeps most other crowds out. This restaurant in PA has set up their restaurant to cater to a more upscale group of people and screaming children are not welcome.
What do you think? Do you think it is discrimination? Or do you feel it is a justified ban? Please voice your thoughts but keep it friendly.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Who's with me?
So, a friend of mine called me the other day and told me about all the trials her family is currently suffering. It is unbelievable the amount of things that are going wrong! Her marriage, finances, car, are all under fire and some things I can't even mention. We got to talking about faith and she said something that made me think. She told me that her and her husband decided years ago to start this ministry and they feel very led to continue it even though it is time and money demanding and they really don't have either. She said that when you step out in faith to follow the Lord's leading (and have a ministry) you put yourself in a position for Satan to try and stop you. I think what she meant was that when you follow the Lord, you put yourself right in Satan's missile path. She is being attacked from all sides because her family is obeying what they feel is the Lord's will for their life. It got me thinking. (oh no! here it comes!)...
If you are not struggling with something hard, are you really stepping out and following the Lord? or Do we have to be struggling with awesome life problems to be following God? It made me think about my own current present life. I am not currently struggling with anything big. I always have small things but nothing major that would cause me to be on my knees begging God to intervene. Am I doing what He needs me to do? Or is this just a resting period before the storm? I don't know. I am not struggling with anything big but I have to be honest, I am not doing anything big for God right now either. I am laying low, taking a summer off of everything. I am not ministering to anybody, witnessing to anybody, taking any churchy classes, nothing. I am taking a walk everyday, hanging out with my kids, cleaning, and watching alot of BBC movies. I am not inviting people over to share Jesus with them. I am not going on mission trips (although I did support our church trip and I prayed for them). I am not doing anything that would cause me to be uncomfortable or feel tingly or anything!
Now, before I get emails from people setting me straight, I am not saying that trials mean we are following God. Nor am I saying that if we are following God, we have to also be struggling with something. But it did make me think about my own life. I want to serve God with my whole being. I also want God to refine me into something He can use for His glory. But nothing is going to happen if I sit on my butt and don't go out there and talk to people! Or if I am only hanging out with my saved friends and not attempting to reach out to people. I know God can work through my laziness but is that what I want to be shown when I stand before Him? No! We had a guest pastor at our church this past Sunday and he said something like this: "Do we want to leave buttprints on our couches or do we want to leave kneeprints on the floor and teardrops on the couch because we were praying? Do we want to leave empty bank accounts because we supported ministries and ragged clothes because we were working so hard for the Kingdom?"
I want to work hard for the Kingdom. I do. But I need to cast aside my laziness and my fear and get out there and do! Who's with me?? Who's ready to cast off the lethargy of summer and reach people for God? Who's ready to be put in Satan's missile path because we are considered lethal threats? (puts on super cool sunglasses) Let's do this.
If you are not struggling with something hard, are you really stepping out and following the Lord? or Do we have to be struggling with awesome life problems to be following God? It made me think about my own current present life. I am not currently struggling with anything big. I always have small things but nothing major that would cause me to be on my knees begging God to intervene. Am I doing what He needs me to do? Or is this just a resting period before the storm? I don't know. I am not struggling with anything big but I have to be honest, I am not doing anything big for God right now either. I am laying low, taking a summer off of everything. I am not ministering to anybody, witnessing to anybody, taking any churchy classes, nothing. I am taking a walk everyday, hanging out with my kids, cleaning, and watching alot of BBC movies. I am not inviting people over to share Jesus with them. I am not going on mission trips (although I did support our church trip and I prayed for them). I am not doing anything that would cause me to be uncomfortable or feel tingly or anything!
Now, before I get emails from people setting me straight, I am not saying that trials mean we are following God. Nor am I saying that if we are following God, we have to also be struggling with something. But it did make me think about my own life. I want to serve God with my whole being. I also want God to refine me into something He can use for His glory. But nothing is going to happen if I sit on my butt and don't go out there and talk to people! Or if I am only hanging out with my saved friends and not attempting to reach out to people. I know God can work through my laziness but is that what I want to be shown when I stand before Him? No! We had a guest pastor at our church this past Sunday and he said something like this: "Do we want to leave buttprints on our couches or do we want to leave kneeprints on the floor and teardrops on the couch because we were praying? Do we want to leave empty bank accounts because we supported ministries and ragged clothes because we were working so hard for the Kingdom?"
I want to work hard for the Kingdom. I do. But I need to cast aside my laziness and my fear and get out there and do! Who's with me?? Who's ready to cast off the lethargy of summer and reach people for God? Who's ready to be put in Satan's missile path because we are considered lethal threats? (puts on super cool sunglasses) Let's do this.
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